Would you expect adult stepson to help with household chores if he worked and you didn't?

Blimey, good luck to the girlfriend if they end up moving in together. I wonder how she’ll feel when she’s expected to look after this man child.
He can absolutely chip in with cleaning the bathroom once a week! YANBU at all.

Abso fucking lutly. Cheeky sod!

in a marriage, with shared assets including finances I can see why the partner that doesn’t work picks up the labour at home. Who the hell does he think he is 😂

I'd tell him that from now on you won't be putting any food by for him when you cook family dinners.

I have asked that he clean the bathroom once a week on one of his days off and he thinks this is unreasonable because he's at work and earning so I should do it as I'm at home all day

Your problem is that you are not seeing this from his point of view. The way he sees it, the bathroom needs cleaning once per week at most. Men don't clean bathrooms daily, it's a weekly to monthly job. So in his eyes, why should he be wholly responsible for the task of cleaning the bathroom when you are a stay at home parent who probably should find time to give it a quick going over every seven days. Why would he do all the cleaning for you and your children?

Another way to look at it is if you clean it six days per week, missing one day in seven isn't actually going to make any difference.

Perhaps you need to charge a cleaning fee then!

I imagine she visits, though? she'll be using the bathroom. Or does he always go to hers because his room is a mess?

Anyway, she's got a fair bit to learn about life; as does he. You are right to feel brassed off about this arrogance and the deprecation of your time and your identity.

When you say his contribution covers food + bills, is mortgage included in the bills there?

While I do think he needs to contribute to the chores, I think some posters are over-allocating his share. He's 1 of 5 in the house, and almost certainly not the biggest contributor of mess and dirt!

100% he should do some chores - he's not funding you to be a SAHM and part of your job isn't to tidy up after him. Tbh his attitude needs to change, especially at his age, otherwise he's going to be one of the people that end up getting posted about on here!

You're not "at home all day" to be doing 100% of things in communal areas, you're looking after your children. I think cleaning a bathroom weekly is a small chore and part of normal living at home!

His GF is going to agree with whatever he says realistically but is just creating a rod for her own back if she plans on being with him long term!

Unless he lives in a self contained flat in your house he should be contributing to all communal "stuff" that involves stuff he shares in. For example if you cook (every night?) he should be doing his share of clearing up/ helping with prep/washing up or dishwasher filling and emptying etc. If you share a bathroom he should of course have to clean it sometimes as you suggest. I think since you have kids then you/DH should do 2/3 or 3/4 or everything and he should do the remaining share. He should also do his share of things like hoovering communal spaces, bins and things like that.

I'd be telling the GF to fuck off back to her own home quite frankly. Of course it's not unreasonable to ask one or the other of them to clean the bloody bathroom between them.

I presume he and his delightful girlfriend are using the bathroom?

Do they always meticulously clean up after themselves? Somehow I doubt it. So much easier to leave it to the household appliance (you).

And this!

Who gives a shit what his gf thinks. What does your husband/his father think? Of course he needs to do his bit or else he can find somewhere else to live

The big question here is does his father do anything round the house. If not that's the role model that's been provided for him.

Yes he works but does he contribute to the household? If not he can either do chores or pay you a cook and cleaning fee.

Having a paid job for 40 hours of the week doesn't entitle someone to maid service in their home.

If he were living on his own (and it sounds like about time he should be) he'd have to do necessary chores.

Plus, being a SAHM is a (more than) full-time job, even though not paid.

Don't let him devalue your work or feel entitled to your time or labour.

How old are your kids? I expect everyone in the house to have age appropriate chores.

Even if young preschoolers, I had mine doing token chores to get them involved so not unreasonable to expect stepson to do chores as long as other children are doing so too.

I don't think he should be financially supporting you.

I'd expect him to make a proportionate contribution. So cleaning his room/ bathroom if he has a separate one, washing up 1/5 of every meal (assuming it's you, DP + 2 children for example), doing similar with the washing and ironing or sorting his own laundry out separately.

Overall though, you should be doing the lion's share because your, DP and the children's shares fall to you as SAHP.

How many / what age children are you a sahp parent to?

Of course he should!

Do you cook for him?
Does he cook for you?
Who does his washing and cleaning his room?
Does he do anything like empty dishwasher?

Tell him it’s 2024 and you are not his cleaner/cook/laundrette

I would expect him to do his own chores, wash his clothes, wash his dishes if he cooks separately, stack the dishwasher after a family meal etc
I wouldn’t expect him to things to do with the care of the other kids necessarily.

Yes, all adults should contribute to household chores relative to their working hours. And kids should do age appropriate chores.

Do you cook for him? Clean his room? Do his washing? If so, stop all that immediately. But aside from that he should still be doing some household chores - you're not his slave and you have young kids to look after.