Would you expect adult stepson to help with household chores if he worked and you didn't?

My adult son contributes financially towards his part of the bills and also does chores as required - at 23 your stepson is more than old enough to muck in during one of his three days off a week.

As for your being at home - you aren't the maid, you are raising your children. You aren't sitting on your arse eating bonbons all day. Of course you have plenty to do and he can get off his arse and clean to bathroom.

Yes. Does he do his own laundry etc? Does he do any cooking? If he eats dinner you cook then he can wash up after.
Also mow lawn, carry out rubbish, vacuum, clean the bathroom...he creates mess he can help clean it.

"I'm not a SAHP to you. You are a grown man responsible for cleaning up after yourself. What i do during the day is none of your business."

Ask his girlfriend if she'd rather he learned to clean up after himself now or once they're living together.

Her DP is presumably a grown man, so she's not his "stay at home parent", is she.

I'm sorry for his eventual wife.

If you had a nanny to take care of the children, she'd do everything for the child but bugger all general housework. The coffee cup you left on the side would still be there when you come home.

Staying at home with children is work and it is what your job currently is. What your job is not is maid of all work. You do housework as extra, not as part of parenting little ones.

A grown man of 23 doesn't need to be mothered and as such can pull his finger out and pull his weight in the domestic labour stakes. If he lived independently he would still have to contribute AND do housework, or pay someone else to do it.

Speak with his father and get him to tell him off as he obviously won't listen to you. Families are supposed to pull together, not have one member acting like Lord Muck. Meanwhile, do nothing for him to ram the message home.

Of course he should muck in. He should cook a meal for you all once a week too. Or you won’t be cooking for him anymore.

What a misogynistic twat he is becoming.

Interesting.
I take it you don't believe in housework generally, then?

How many bathrooms do you have?

Stop cooking for him.

Being part of a family is about respecting each other. He doesn’t respect you so stop cooking for him.

Charge him extra for his share of the 'maid' services

All adults should contribute to household tasks. He is being a complete CF.

I assume he uses the bathroom? In that case he can clean it. If he lived by himself he'd have to clean everywhere or live in a filthy mess. He's under your roof so he can pull his weight. Lazy bugger.

Sounds like board money - aka what I said shrug 🤷‍♀️

Home is about family and love not active membership whatever that means

Bold of his gf to voice her opinion on this topic! She must be daft to encourage his behaviour if she plans on living with him one day 😂

Of course DP's share falls to her - she is her DP's SAHP. If she wasn't a SAHP then chores would be split 1/3 (excluding children) but since she is, she takes that on.

Personally I don't think he should have to 'muck in' to a household where children are being raised full time in the home - that isn't his business. He isn't a parent to those children and doesn't need to contribute equally to the environment they're being brought up in. He just needs to contribute his share.

Third, rather!

What a prince among men.

His girlfriend is daft too.

Of course he should help out.
People work, pay rent/mortgage, buy food AND sort their home - the costs of the first two don't cover the second.

He can step up and help out or go find his own place - is your DH supportive of this?

My adult DC work slightly more hours than I do (we all work). They don't have regular chores because policing that is harder work than doing them! but neither would dream of objecting if I ask them to e.g. put the bins out, clean the bathroom, put the hoover round, mow the lawn.

He needs to be moving out.
Stop cooking for him.

Tell your husband you are NOT accepting his son's attitude especially as he is away so much.

You are not a skivvy and he needs to tell him to move out.

He's a 23 year old CF and YANBU.

As for his girlfriends opinion?🙄
Let HER clean up after him.

Is he quite a young 23, OP?

His reasoning is somewhat (western world) teenagery. And as pp have said, these men don't make for the best life partners and fathers and get posted about on MN a lot by wives and girlfriends on the verge of mental breakdowns.

I'm not sure there's much you can realistically do, except encourage him to 'find his freedom' and move out, pitching it as the best thing for him and his burgeoning independence. Play to the ego. Tell him he's getting too old to be having the lady of the house cooking his tea.

He doesn’t pay rent, he’s not a lodger! He pays enough to cover
himself. He should be an active member of the household.

I do disagree. 1/5 of
the washing up… DPs share falls to her…?! This adult is choosing to live at home
with siblings. Small children need set jobs. He should be mucking into the household he chooses to live in, especially on days off. An adult really should need a set job.

When’s he planning to move out?

I don’t believe in ‘chores’. If he pays to live with you, offering the occasional or even regular cooking of a meal and asking ‘can I put some washing on for you’ is more than enough

Yes of course; your DH financially supports you I would assume, not your stepson so why would he not?