Would you expect adult stepson to help with household chores if he worked and you didn't?

I'd expect him to do some stuff when he's actually around, yes. Just because he works that doesn't mean he's exempt from stuff like sorting his own laundry, clearing up after dinner or whatever. Mowing the lawn at the weekend, that kind of thing.

The 'I go out to work so I shouldn't have to do much housework' argument might hold up a bit better if he were your partner and the money he earned at work was supporting you not to go out to work, but this isn't your partner. He's your partner's son and his wage isn't keeping the household afloat or paying for things that you need/want.

I wouldn't expect an adult child to be dealing with the younger kids' mess or childcare or that kind of stuff, though.

But you are looking after your dc all day. You are working - albeit unpaid. Of course your ss should do his share!! Lazy toad.

What his gf thinks is irrelevant.

Dunno about that. I'd be willing to bet this prince among men pees standing up and expects OP to clean up after it.

what a prat. tell him to increase his financial contributions to cover the cost of a live-in housekeeper service. And you do have a job, a job with longer hours and more responsibilities than his.

That said, this is really a conversation between his Dad and him. not reasonable to expect you to deal with his misogyny.

Thw gf might regret agreeing with him if they ever move in together!

Yeah but this is really a problem with your partner!

HE needs to explain to his son that he needs to help , he should have taught his son to respect women, and that being female does not mean you are responsible for all the cleaning!

My two adult sons are at home this summer, they contribute £350 towards food/bills AND we expect them to help with the cleaning.

Dh works away a lot and I don't want to burden him with this
Why not? His adult son is living in your house and is refusing to do one simple thing you ask? Tough if hes away a lot. His son, his problem. You aren't his mother. His girlfriend can see what it's like to have a lazy arse living with her who doesn't know how to do simple chores.

My adult son works full time but he has time to clean the bathroom, mow the lawn and put the the bins out. He has autism as well.

If he’s paying his board, for me that’s enough. It might be different in some families. If so go with it

You are not his maid or employee.

Yes, that's what's was written originally.

Family is different

That makes it even worse. He's not supporting her financially, in a relationship with her, or providing anything else that would justify his expectation of unpaid labour.

You do work

To her DP. Not to his lazy-ass son.

I take a different view, you are entitled to your different view

He doesn't feel he should do any chores as he works and I don't

You do work. You look after the children and the home. Why does he think economic work trumps domestic work? Is it because it’s usually women who do it? How you - or anyone else for that matter - decide to share the labour in your own home is your business. It only ever becomes an issue when one type of work is valued more than the other.

I think I'd be telling him is keep has increased by £50 a week to cover the maid service he ordered.

In fact - as you haven't specified - look up the average cost of a room in your area, increase his rent to that, and then find out how much a cleaner is and add that on. When I had a cleaner I was paying about £250 a month for 2 hours a week.

Maybe he won't be such a sod when he realises what a good deal he's getting.

And his stupid girlfriend is going to regret her words when/if they ever live together!

Except he doesn't! He's enjoying the services of a private chef-cum cleaner without pitching in himself.

OP tell him/the cf gf that how you and yiur spouse split tasks between the two of you is none of their goddamn business and doesn't absolve him from doing his share (not "chores") the way any adult would. In the meantime, stop serving him any food. If yiu want to be really petty, refund him a small part of his monthly contribution and tell him to do his own shopping and put a lock on rhe pantry.

Ask him to move out! He sounds very entitled.

@Summertimer

so? He is an adult. Therefore he should be contributing.

I haven't actually given brownie points. If you actually read what I wrote, I said that puts him at 0.

But he’s not her partner

We must have quite different expectations. I expect my 3 yo to keep his room clean, that goes without saying. Someone over 20 shouldn't be getting brownie points for that! I'm also assuming him and his gf probably male more of a mess in the bathroom than young children, and I'm guessing it's probably mostly clean anyway. If anything he should learn to clean a bathroom so he doesn't end up being completely useless when he eventually moves of home

so basically he should do no chores either way? what the hell are you on about? he lives in the house, he needs to do chores and household tasks. I would a expect a 10 year old understand that. My own dc were doing age appropriate chores by long before the age of 10