Or is this unforgivable?

Dusty has it. This guy can’t be trusted, he’s also cruel and a liar. I’m really sorry op, but you need to get rid and move on - you will never be able to relax, trust and be happy with someone like this.

Your family say “I told you so” you say, yes you were right.

Everything else they say, don’t bother arguing as you know it will get you nowhere. Just agree with them. After a while they’ll get fed up if they get no emotional reaction from you.

Once you’ve dealt with him, then carry on with the therapy to deal with them.

He hasn’t chosen you though has he ? He’s kept his options open throughout, and given the shitty behaviour you have no guarantee that at some point he won’t be keeping you on the hook in the same way, while he looks for another ‘something better’. I’d dump him so fast his feet wouldn’t touch.

Unforgivable.

Enhance your life and dump.

I can accept that people make mistakes - but there are an awful lot here that he hadn’t learned from.
He is clearly hardwired to be deceptive and I can’t imagine spending the next 70 years wondering whether I am being lied to. Ditch this waste of space, I am certain you deserve so much better.

End it with this dirty dog of a man.
Be honest with everyone in your life that you made a mistake with this one man.
smile when they tell u they knew u made a mistake.

Be kind to family & move on. Pride is garbage emotion in this situation.

OP, I don’t think there is any way back from this. You will likely make yourself ill trying to forgive him and live like this. I understand that it may be culturally difficult to divorce him, but your family will likely come round and even if they don’t, it really won’t be worth staying with him for. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

This guy will not change so don't have his kids. Run for the hills, and don't look back.

The men worth being with absolutely do not behave like this. Your standards are too low.

I think you need to forget about “family and cultural stuff” , hard though this is, and remember that this is your life, for maybe the next half a century. You deserve to be loved and to love someone honest , who cares more about you and your happiness than how many women he can fool into getting into his bed.

People who love you will understand your pain and support you as you take the next steps to separate yourself from this revolting man who doesn’t understand what love is and only thinks about himself and what is between his legs. And unfortunately the first step is to get yourself tested for STD, unpleasant though the thought is he could be actively infecting you and his other women. Once you are sure you are clear then it is time to move on.

Keep going to therapy. Put yourself at the centre of your life, fill it with self love. Spend time with people who build you up and flounce in and out of the lives of people who tear you down. You are enough, you deserve a lovely life.

If there is time and space for children, that will happen but you should not sacrifce your self respect, self esteem and contentment for children who don't yet exist.

You married a professional liar and cheat
You did not know this BECAUSE he is a professional liar and cheat.
(how can you tell when he is lying to you? - he has his mouth open)
He was not keeping things going because he couldn't hurt them. He was keeping things going because he thinks he's a dog with two dicks and is ultimately selfish. He is LYING that he did not want to hurt them. Stringing people along and cheating on them hurts them.

This is all so shocking for you. Sorry you are going through this.

I'd suggest you rip the sticking plaster off
Get rid of him, and tell your folks right now.
You are reeling at what he's done, so anything your parents do will not be so intense - it's a good day to hide bad news, as the saying goes.
Speaking from experience, you can only absorb so much stress/pain at one time, so telling your folks now will mean you cannot absorb anything they throw at you, it will just float over your head. And if it's that bad you can reduce contact.

You're in the bad bit right now. Get all of the bad bit over in one go.

No not my life. Just a lot of ‘I told you sos’ and ‘you’ve made your beds’ etc. but in a quite nasty, dehumanising way.

I'd imagine no one would go into this type of relationship knowing the full facts, let alone get married so hard as it may be just ignore the "I told you so's".

As for making your bed, yes you did make your bed but have now realised that the bed you made wasn't exactly how/what you'd thought you'd made so as of now you'll be unmaking it and getting rid of the old 'bedding'.

I wonder how much your parents have affected your ability to recognise good and healthy relationships? You may have missed numerous red flags with this man because you didn't have family support. Don't expect him to change - his response to your discoveries has been to lie, minimise and distance himself when he should be showing he is sorry and committed to your marriage. Good people don't behave like him, you wouldn't behave like him. He wouldn't accept you dating a couple of other men while you work out if he is the best option for you.

Like most of us, you deserve better. And you can find better if you want to.

It seems the community were right to disapprove of him. Glad I listened.”

That would be racist, would it not??

If they were unaware of his behaviour and only didn't want her with him because he's white.

Avd would cut out all other white men for future relationships unnecessarily. Because they'd say "well, you admitted you shouldn't get involved with white men".

Probably not a good idea to cut out about 80% of your possible candidates. Since op appears to be in the UK.

They'd also only tell op that she didn't listen , cause she married him. She hardly needs more abuse.

I'd get out otherwise you are in for a lifetime of this.

All that cultural shit basically means men get to treat women like crap and it's accepted. Make the change and show people you're worth more. You will find other people who have done this, once you've made that step so many stories come out of the woodwork people have hidden.

I guess I’m also coming to terms with the fact that kids may not happen either

You're 32.

I don't know if it's still up but the NHS fertility page used to have a factoid that 90% of women 39 and under fall pregnant within two years of TTC.

My antenatal class bore that out.
I was probably the oldest at 40 (41 by delivery), the youngest was 27 and she seemed young in compared to EVERYONE else who were all in their mid to late 30s.

You don't have to give up on that.

People interpret a steeper decline in fertility from 35 onwards as a cliff, it is not a cliff.
The same people, who think in black and white, often refer to peak fertility; peak is peak. Peak oil (the max number of barrels of oil we'd ever extract from the earth was a loooong time ago, but this whole world is still running on oil!).

Even if you weren't to meet someone "in time", a donor is always a possibility. It's not what many people would chose as ideal but it's still a possibility.
In any case, the faster you extract yourself from this, the faster you'll be dating to meet someone. It's not worth wasting any of your fertile years trying to work out his behaviour.

(I presume he married you because it suited him, in whatever ways to marry you, rather than pursue marriage with the other two. He's still not faithful or honest or decent, which is the bottom line).

OP, you sound so nice. It makes me sad to think that this piece of shit might get to ruin your life. Don’t let him. There will be the most amazing person out there for you somewhere, or more than one person. Or incredible adventures on your own. Get yourself into a position where you can make the most of them. Remember that line

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

This.

Also: you will not be able to maintain status quo. Hiding from this reality will not be possible. In the long run, your husband is going to hurt, humiliate, and shame you in your community. It will be worse the mire entangled you get and after you have children . Your community will find out as his betrayals become more persistent and public. Get out as fast as you can and just shrug and say “It seems the community were right to disapprove of him. Glad I listened.”

He's a cheat and a liar. He manipulated you.

You deserve better.

Hold your head high. If anyone asks why you've ended it just tell them you were not prepared to be treated so badly.

This is good advice.

Your husband is a vile pig.

It doesn't matter what your family will say to you or think of you, let them get it out their system, keep your distance and it'll pass.

If you stay with this man you are going to be utterly miserable. You will never be able to trust him, it will drive you crazy. He has shown you who he is, get out, now.

You're only 32, you have time. There are lots of shitty men out there but there are also lots and lots of men who would never treat you (and the other women caught up in this) in such a disgusting way.

You have chance to be happy, please take it.

I think you're assessing him by your own values. Such a double life would be unthinkable for you because you have your own moral code. It's probably why you didn't see the signs earlier because you imagine someone who strings so many people along would be some kind of monster, not a seemingly nice man.

But he has been very unkind to more than one woman and actively deceived three women. I think he loves the drama and has re-worked it in his head that he's some starcrossed lover who can't help loving three women at once. Don't fall for it OP. You deserve better. And as soon as you are able go LC with your family. The way they have treated you makes you more vulnerable to narcissists and manipulators because they treat you not to listen to your own judgement and ignore warning signs.

He sounds like he has a deeply disordered personality.

No empathy, no conscience, nothing. So he "chose" you did he? He clearly thinks women are accessories.

This is not a "mistake". This is who he is.