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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel quite shocked that DH has PTSD from teaching?

545 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 14/08/2024 22:47

Its feels pretty awful tbh. He has just today received this diagnosis and has been referred for priority EMDR.

He has taught for 25 years in a secondary school, and got out last year due to clinically diagnosed burn out.

I knew it was bad, but I never realised it was this bad.

How can this be allowed to happen?

OP posts:
ApplesOrangesBananas · 15/08/2024 17:47

cantkeepawayforever · 15/08/2024 16:02

No, it doesn’t really work like that, because a full school does not have to give a child a place (except under very specific circumstances - the child has an EHCP naming the school; the parent wins an appeal against refusal to grant a place (and a genuinely full school will usually win an appeal because the disadvantage to them of admitting extra pupils is greater than the disadvantage to the pupil of not having a place in that particular school); the school is directed to take the child under FAP, which only comes into play where absolutely no local schools have any places at all).

So there are basically 3 scenarios for a teacher:

  • The school is full. Their class is already 30 and does not change.
  • The school is not quite full. A few extra, middle ability compliant pupils with supportive parents are admitted, so the class moves from say 27 to 30 and workload remains very similar. The stressful scenario of working in a school with spaces and thus being directed to take eg managed moves; new refugees; previously excluded pupils etc is removed and this can be a net benefit.
  • The school is very undersubscribed and any number of middle ability, compliant pupils with supportive parents are admitted. This is a big win for the teacher and the school as per pupil funding makes providing for everyone that much easier. Such schools often have high levels of SEN but the arrival of new non-SEN pupils brings much needed funding and a critical mass of low needs pupils who may well improve the results and thus the reputation of the school, building better pupil numbers over time.

In none of these scenarios do teachers lose sleep over the arrival of private school pupils!

Edited

My friends that are teachers are actually losing sleep over it. Unless you are currently a teacher you cannot speak for how they feel. A class size going from 27 to 30 is still 3 additional pupils with needs that should be met, 3 extra homework’s to mark etc.. Teachers are not supported enough. My friends are burnt out, struggling to quit and many are seriously considering resigning. In fact 2 have quit already.

noblegiraffe · 15/08/2024 17:47

I have 2 school age children, but they will have teachers you know they will I know they will

There are thousands of unfilled vacancies for September and thousands of unfilled training places so there's no cavalry coming. I know there are kids out there who won't have teachers in September because there always are. There were kids at my school in the last year who didn't have a permanent maths teacher all year, we cobbled together supply so that there was at least an adult stood in front of them (not necessarily the same as the previous week), but the teacher who has them next year will have a hell of a job picking up the pieces. There were kids in my maths A-level class who were having to teach themselves the syllabus for one of their other subjects because they didn't have a teacher. This was in a different subject to the previous year that saw kids having to teach themselves. Same at GCSE. Y11s without teachers for their exam classes.

There will be kids at primary being taught by teaching assistants because the school can't recruit a teacher for them. There are often threads on MN about this.

So if you think that you can confidently state that you know your child will have teachers next year, then I'm afraid you don't know what you're talking about. It is entirely possible that they won't. And it will get worse if they're not yet in secondary.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/08/2024 17:45

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 17:37

I have 2 school age children, but they will have teachers you know they will I know they will but if I'm honest I wouldn't want them being taught by someone who is in the middle of a serious mental breakdown. I don't know why people are coming for me when I'm saying put your health about your job as someone who has been In a mh crisis multiple times it's not worth it trust me. But if you don't want to listen to me stay teaching, keep moaning and be miserable. Your an adult nobody is holding a gun to your head your making the choice

There’s no teachers now. Loads of them have mental health issues caused by the workplace. Theyre mostly desperate to get out.

But you want your children to be taught by healthy teachers. Dont we all? But they aren’t. There’s too much stress in the system. Most teachers are in the middle of or close to a nervous breakdown.

Attitudes like yours add to it.

ehb102 · 15/08/2024 17:37

PTSD advocate, writer and former teacher Tin Field identified this as a huge problem more than 30 years ago. Bully causes PTSD and teaching is full of bullies.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 17:37

noblegiraffe · 15/08/2024 17:32

I guess you don't have school aged children if you can be so flippant about the fact that they won't have a teacher in September.

I have 2 school age children, but they will have teachers you know they will I know they will but if I'm honest I wouldn't want them being taught by someone who is in the middle of a serious mental breakdown. I don't know why people are coming for me when I'm saying put your health about your job as someone who has been In a mh crisis multiple times it's not worth it trust me. But if you don't want to listen to me stay teaching, keep moaning and be miserable. Your an adult nobody is holding a gun to your head your making the choice

noblegiraffe · 15/08/2024 17:32

I guess you don't have school aged children if you can be so flippant about the fact that they won't have a teacher in September.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 17:31

mumedu · 15/08/2024 17:11

Um, well I hate to break this to you but teachers ARE leaving in droves. Poor recruitment and retention means that posts can't be filled in many schools. You are more likely to have. PE teacher teaching your children maths than a qualified maths teacher. Who's going to teach your children when all the teachers are in McDonald's?

Edited

Break what to me? Nothing wrong with working in mcdonalds. Don't ever think your above a job or better then others. They should be leaving if it's causing them to have a mental breakdown. At the end of the day it's a job theirs millions of other ones. People need to put themselves and their families first.

beezlebubnicky · 15/08/2024 17:20

I'm not surprised, my heart goes out to your DH.

I developed PTSD after my first NQT job where I was systematically bullied and forced out by the head teacher, deputy head and my mentor.

I went on to be a brilliant teacher but it was always there, I had nightmares for ages about how I was treated and when I was observed in my classroom I would appear fine but I'd be dissociating and my heart would be hammering as I was re-traumatised again. After 8 years I packed it in for a new career and I still feel my heart rate rising when I get some critical feedback, but I'm much better at dealing with it and not immediately thinking I'll get sacked.

EMDR really helped me so hope it will be good for your husband too, it's a tough process and you need to make sure the therapist puts safety resources in place for you to manage the difficult feelings it will bring up between sessions. I had it for 2 years alongside person-centred therapy.

napody · 15/08/2024 17:14

FunnysInLaJardin · 14/08/2024 23:04

Thank you, that's is what he is focussing on.

he now has a new job as mental health and wellbeing co-ordinator at a local FE college which is is very well equipped to do!

Will he receive clinical supervision for this role though? He needs to look at how to protect himself from the potential emotional strain while he's still vulnerable.

Working with one or a few students at once though will be an absolute game changer. Good luck to him.

Sunnysidegold · 15/08/2024 17:12

I had a diagnosis of PTSD from a non schoolm related thing, but interestingly it only came to be diagnosed after my management made my life hell. I just thought I wasn't handling the job alongside raising a young family, but talking to a psychologist made me see that my current work environment had triggered the same feelings and reactions as the original incident.

I had two years off work and left my job in that time. I honestly thought I'd leave teaching altogether but got back into it as supply teacher when I was well. The amount of people who are management or leadership but do not know how to manage or lead is astonishing.

I hope your husband's recovery goes well op.

mumedu · 15/08/2024 17:11

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 13:48

But I'm sure you would be capable of working in mcdonalds or retail or any of them types of jobs yes it would be a paycut and obviously less holidays but surely your health is more important I just don't understand why adults are choosing to be miserable I'd rather live in a tiny house and buy clothes in charity shops and by non branded food then have a mental breakdown, ptsd, depression ect. Mental health has destroyed mine and my kids lives I prioritise health and happiness over everything

Um, well I hate to break this to you but teachers ARE leaving in droves. Poor recruitment and retention means that posts can't be filled in many schools. You are more likely to have. PE teacher teaching your children maths than a qualified maths teacher. Who's going to teach your children when all the teachers are in McDonald's?

mumedu · 15/08/2024 17:07

noblegiraffe · 15/08/2024 14:02

We get slated if we leave (remember the thread slating the teacher who dared to leave when she had an exam class?)

We get slated if we stay (how could you not sell your house and all your possessions so you can get by working in McDonalds?)

We get slated when we try to tell people about what's going on in schools and to teachers (teachers are ALWAYS moaning, think they have the HARDEST job in the world)

We get slated when people don't know what is going on in schools (why haven't teachers spoken up about this??)

We get slated when we go on strike (GREEDY)

We get slated when we don't go on strike (teachers just let the government get away with what they are doing to schools, why aren't they doing more/speaking up/taking action).

We are constantly moaned at because schools are too strict, enforce rules and exclude kids. Then when people watch those same kids who kick off at school rioting in the streets they look to schools to solve the problem.

With what?? Schools have NOTHING left in the tank. We can't even perform our supposedly primary purpose of teaching kids the basics because we don't have the teachers left to do it. And whatever we do, it will be wrong and ripped to shreds, both in the media on here.

Thank you

Elendel · 15/08/2024 16:49

ridl14 · 15/08/2024 16:12

Just so awful reading the experiences of other teachers on this thread. There is so much pressure and gaslighting that is still so pervasive. I'm about to start the new term next week, will be 14w pregnant and I'm so anxious about going back and things like not being able to access a bathroom between 3 back to back classes if I need the loo or feel sick, rushing to duties before SLT with a clipboard radios my name round the school or having people pressure me to monitor the corridor while I set out books or not let them catch me teaching sitting down.

I've asked on teacher threads on here about asking for reasonable adjustments and people seem shocked I want to ask for any and that I'm overthinking it, but I find the intensity and time pressures of the school schedule (we have a 15 min breaktime and 30 min lunch) tough to manage at the best of times.

It also makes me want to just not come back after mat leave but that feels like a financial risk to leave without a job to go to as well.

You should always ask for reasonable adjustments.

As a science teacher I had to (because I wasn't allowed to handle certain chemicals and materials) but it's always worth sitting with someone from site, your line manager and a mamber of SLT.

I had it written down that I could ask a technician to briefly supervise my class while I was being morning sick.

StaunchMomma · 15/08/2024 16:41

smilyfairy · 15/08/2024 16:33

Sadly, another I'm another one that's not surprised. I'm a headteacher and I'm planning to leave this year , I've just had enough .
I do everything I can to protect my staff from the worst of cut backs , difficult parents challenging children and mostly I like to think I do .
However after 20 years of teaching I just can't anymore it's literally going to kill me .
It's so sad hope your DH is finding his way through this difficult time .

Really nice to hear a Head saying they care about their staff and want to protect them, rather than gaslight, blame and bully them, which is my experience of the profession.

What a shame to lose a good, caring Head.

You do have to put yourself first, though.

StaunchMomma · 15/08/2024 16:39

Not shocked in the slightest.

I still have anxiety dreams about my old school and the utter cunts in leadership there and I left coming on 12 years ago.

My old HoD, who left the school the year before me, was physically sick in the street when she had to walk past the school 3 years later.

The trauma is real and it stays with you.

Sending him a back pat of teacher solidarity! It does get better once you're out. It just takes time.

smilyfairy · 15/08/2024 16:33

Sadly, another I'm another one that's not surprised. I'm a headteacher and I'm planning to leave this year , I've just had enough .
I do everything I can to protect my staff from the worst of cut backs , difficult parents challenging children and mostly I like to think I do .
However after 20 years of teaching I just can't anymore it's literally going to kill me .
It's so sad hope your DH is finding his way through this difficult time .

Girasole02 · 15/08/2024 16:23

Former supply teacher going back on supply from September after two years on a contracted job. Kids much the same everywhere, I left because of the toxic management, the gaslighting and the office politics. Planning to do bits and pieces of casual supply around travelling. I wish your husband well. Life is too short.

BitchyHen · 15/08/2024 16:19

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/08/2024 23:03

Hi OP

Apologies for derailing the thread but I'm worried about a relative who I think may be going through something similar. Can I ask please how he got diagnosed (eg I'm assuming it wasn't in a 10 minute gp appointment) and how he got referred for that specific treatment. My relative keeps being given anti depressants which I don't think help that specific issue. Thank you.

Your relative could self refer for talking therapy via this link https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/
They will assess them and refer for the most appropriate therapy

nhs.uk

NHS talking therapies for anxiety and depression

How to access free psychological therapies (talking therapies) like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling and guided self-help on the NHS.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies

ridl14 · 15/08/2024 16:12

Just so awful reading the experiences of other teachers on this thread. There is so much pressure and gaslighting that is still so pervasive. I'm about to start the new term next week, will be 14w pregnant and I'm so anxious about going back and things like not being able to access a bathroom between 3 back to back classes if I need the loo or feel sick, rushing to duties before SLT with a clipboard radios my name round the school or having people pressure me to monitor the corridor while I set out books or not let them catch me teaching sitting down.

I've asked on teacher threads on here about asking for reasonable adjustments and people seem shocked I want to ask for any and that I'm overthinking it, but I find the intensity and time pressures of the school schedule (we have a 15 min breaktime and 30 min lunch) tough to manage at the best of times.

It also makes me want to just not come back after mat leave but that feels like a financial risk to leave without a job to go to as well.

GingerPirate · 15/08/2024 16:09

Yes, I'm shocked about it too.
Meanwhile, there is a huge amount of vacancies in the economy.
May be worth exploring.

FunnysInLaJardin · 15/08/2024 16:04

keepmyheadabovewater · 15/08/2024 15:28

Name changed for this!
Me too, I had to leave in 2022 and am currently about to start High Intensity Psychological Therapy for PTSD as well as being on 2 lots of meds.

It very nearly broke me and I have been prescribed diazepam too at times. I was a teacher for 25 years, loved my job, but with academisation everything changed and Schools have become toxic to the core. Poor unchallenged pupil behaviour combined with if you are on the top of your pay scale a target is on your back. I was subjected to the most horrendous bullying by management, I cannot say too much here but the children went unchallenged and their behaviours encouraged when it was aimed towards myself as management wanted me out. Combined with micromanagement, giving me subjects to teach I wasn't qualified for.

It got to the stage where I cried on my way to School very unlike me, and other staff keen it wasn't directed at them stayed silent, acknowledging to me they knew what was going on but refusing to do anything about it.

years later I still have the awful nightmares and flashbacks, my life will never be the same again, Never thought I would be on medication or in therapy. Sadly many teachers are heading the same way, hence the recruitment crisis, why would you put yourself through it. Unreasonable targets and accountability, bullying inexperienced SLT, acadamisation has created this toxicity. I used to love my job. I don't think parents realise what exactly goes on in Schools and the total disregard for wellbeing.

Sadly sounds like a very similar situation to DH.

He left at the start of 2023 and thought getting out of the toxic culture would mend the damage.

It hasn't and he is still very badly scarred.

I hope your therapy is successful Flowers

As someone said up thread, he will never teach again and in fact the thing that caused his final crash a month or two ago was being asked to do some adult training courses. He thought he could do it, but it was too triggering for him

OP posts:
cantkeepawayforever · 15/08/2024 16:02

ApplesOrangesBananas · 15/08/2024 14:56

It’s not to do with the calibre of pupil… it’s to do with additional volumes of pupils and not enough resources to deal with it. Even if the nicest class of children, extra numbers mean additional stress and demand on that teacher.

No, it doesn’t really work like that, because a full school does not have to give a child a place (except under very specific circumstances - the child has an EHCP naming the school; the parent wins an appeal against refusal to grant a place (and a genuinely full school will usually win an appeal because the disadvantage to them of admitting extra pupils is greater than the disadvantage to the pupil of not having a place in that particular school); the school is directed to take the child under FAP, which only comes into play where absolutely no local schools have any places at all).

So there are basically 3 scenarios for a teacher:

  • The school is full. Their class is already 30 and does not change.
  • The school is not quite full. A few extra, middle ability compliant pupils with supportive parents are admitted, so the class moves from say 27 to 30 and workload remains very similar. The stressful scenario of working in a school with spaces and thus being directed to take eg managed moves; new refugees; previously excluded pupils etc is removed and this can be a net benefit.
  • The school is very undersubscribed and any number of middle ability, compliant pupils with supportive parents are admitted. This is a big win for the teacher and the school as per pupil funding makes providing for everyone that much easier. Such schools often have high levels of SEN but the arrival of new non-SEN pupils brings much needed funding and a critical mass of low needs pupils who may well improve the results and thus the reputation of the school, building better pupil numbers over time.

In none of these scenarios do teachers lose sleep over the arrival of private school pupils!

keepmyheadabovewater · 15/08/2024 15:28

Name changed for this!
Me too, I had to leave in 2022 and am currently about to start High Intensity Psychological Therapy for PTSD as well as being on 2 lots of meds.

It very nearly broke me and I have been prescribed diazepam too at times. I was a teacher for 25 years, loved my job, but with academisation everything changed and Schools have become toxic to the core. Poor unchallenged pupil behaviour combined with if you are on the top of your pay scale a target is on your back. I was subjected to the most horrendous bullying by management, I cannot say too much here but the children went unchallenged and their behaviours encouraged when it was aimed towards myself as management wanted me out. Combined with micromanagement, giving me subjects to teach I wasn't qualified for.

It got to the stage where I cried on my way to School very unlike me, and other staff keen it wasn't directed at them stayed silent, acknowledging to me they knew what was going on but refusing to do anything about it.

years later I still have the awful nightmares and flashbacks, my life will never be the same again, Never thought I would be on medication or in therapy. Sadly many teachers are heading the same way, hence the recruitment crisis, why would you put yourself through it. Unreasonable targets and accountability, bullying inexperienced SLT, acadamisation has created this toxicity. I used to love my job. I don't think parents realise what exactly goes on in Schools and the total disregard for wellbeing.

Maria1979 · 15/08/2024 15:14

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 15:04

But that's not the teachers problem no individual is responsible for a whole industry. The only responsibility any individual has is the welfare of themselves and their families. My mh meant iv been sectioned multiple times and my children where put in care for a short period of time unfortunately my mh issues where not caused by something I had any control over but if they had been the first thing I would of done would of been to leave to protect myself and my family. The bottom line is it's job your a number you die tomorrow you will be replaced the day after don't make yourself ill over it.

I do agree with you. No job is worth more than your MH. I am sorry for your experiences. I just reacted on the phrase that "not every job is suited to every person" implying that OP's DH was not suited to be teaching. When in fact it is the most suited teachers who love their work and have high standards who are likely to suffer. Not because they are not suited but because they are being set up to fail by the system which makes them work even harder until one day they have nothing more to give. To anyone. They are burnt out. And I have witnessed this happening to the most dedicated professionnals in social work, health and education. It's such a tragedy.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 15:04

Maria1979 · 15/08/2024 14:53

I don't think you get it. A teacher can love his/her job and be excellent at it but poor management and lack of funding can make the task impossible. The most implicated teachers get burnt out because it's impossible to make a good job for anyone. So those who stay will be the ones who are not invested and don't really care about the pupils or their education. Because all the invested, excellent teachers ought to be flipping burgers instead of creating decent working conditions in our schools?

But that's not the teachers problem no individual is responsible for a whole industry. The only responsibility any individual has is the welfare of themselves and their families. My mh meant iv been sectioned multiple times and my children where put in care for a short period of time unfortunately my mh issues where not caused by something I had any control over but if they had been the first thing I would of done would of been to leave to protect myself and my family. The bottom line is it's job your a number you die tomorrow you will be replaced the day after don't make yourself ill over it.