aibu to not make a packed lunch for my nearly 15 year old DC

Don’t assume they will eat the lunch you make for them. I used to teach and frequently found lovingly made packed lunches in the bin.

@thefamous5 exactly @Peonies12 15 absolutely is still a child

I had free school meals at primary school then packed lunches at secondary school.

I can say with almost absolute certainty that my Mum never once made me a packed lunch throughout my entire school years, other than maybe the day of a primary school day trip.

I don't feel any less loved for it lol!

YANBU OP. You've given her options - she just has to choose which suits her best.

I make my children's packed lunches and will until they leave school. To me, that's part of parenting.

This is my point, I'm certainly not saying mollycoddle kids and do everything for them, but things are often dressed up in here as 'developing independence' when really it's just an excuse to not bother doing something. I rarely made my own daughter's evening meal after she was about 14 as she preferred to make something herself and ate earlier than us then see friends or whatever. When she was older she often did things after work then ate later, but the offer was still there. Supposedly teaching them life skills is often an excuse, I haven't been on a bus for over 30 years but could figure out the skill needed if I had to get one, I wouldn't need months of practice first 🙄 and getting kids to do their own laundry is just miserable.
When someone posts asking here how to have good relationships with their adult children, it starts with making them feel nurtured as children

Since when?!?!

Making food is a sign of comfort and love in many cultures. It's not the same as showing your child other independence like using public transport, grooming, etc.

I’m surprised by the number of parents who don’t make their dc lunches. Dh and I take turns but at weekends lunch is a “help yourself” scenario. Year 11 was pretty stressful (just finished it and awaiting results) so I didn’t add anything on top of normal chores. Dishwasher emptying and clearing the kitchen after dinner are her main tasks with occasional meals cooked.

15 is not an adult don't be daft.
I made lunches and still do as it's easier for 1 person to be hogging the kitchen without all of us trying to get in there in the morning. But that's cause it works for us, I don't do anything based on well all my friends do on principle.

15 is an adult, not a child.

She sounds incredibly indulged and spoilt. Why are you even giving her money for lunch? My parents never did that it was packed lunches we made ourselves, or if we wanted to buy lunch out, we used the money we earned from our weekend jobs. She could be a parent herself.

It's not that deep in our house, tbh.

If I'm making - say - pasta salad, I'll make & pot up 4 portions.

There's me & 2 teenagers left at home.

The girls can take a pot of pasta/make a sandwich if they don't fancy it/use their allowance to buy something.

Once I notice the pasta's all gone, be it one day or 3 days later, I make a batch of sausage rolls or noodle jars or something - same deal.

There's always fruit, veg, yogurts knocking about. Sometimes I make things like chia puddings to use up ripe fruit, or soup to use up veg.

Everyone's welcome to fridge raid to assemble a pack up OR to eat a substantial breakfast, take some fruit & grab a 'late lunch' after school.

To be fair, I do all the meal prep, but one dd is in charge of family laundry & another does most of the shopping/errands, so we muddle along nicely.

If I solemnly assembled each kid a lunch on the daily, we'd have more waste; sometimes they just wouldn't fancy what was in it, & sometimes they would have plans to go offsite with a friend to get coffee & a bun, etc etc.

There’s a clear difference between doing something for your child all the time so they don’t learn to be independent from you and being the type of parent who every so often decides to make your child’s lunch regardless of their age. That’s just being nice surely?… there’s a middle ground. It doesn’t have to be one or the other!!

I agree. Sometimes (not always), properly caring for a child involves making demands on them to do things for themselves, even when it's simpler to do them yourself. From a very early age, I'd add.

YABU. Can’t believe how many mums don’t make their kids’ lunch?! I’ve never known a child make their own packed lunch!

I disagree, and I say that as a child who grew up in care after severe neglect. Our job as parents is to help our children grow into rounded, functioning, confident adults. Not to mollycoddle them until the day they turn 18 and then expect them to magically perform as an adult overnight.

It’s a long road, and making themselves a sandwich is a simple, easy way to get them to start to take a bit of responsibility for themselves. It’s hardly an arduous task.

I would say that you have reviewed the daily cap and agree that it needs to be revised, but to the amount a school dinner would cost!

My kids made their own since the age of about 9 or 10. To stop them complaining about what I gave them.

i did
i found it easier in the kitchen
but every family does their own thing

Yes, it's a complicated dynamic, agreed. But there are other ways of caring - and showing care - than this simple way involving doing stuff for children. (Saying which is not at all intended to denigrate your way of doing it.)

My own children, aged fourteen and younger, (long ago) used to make my packed lunch along with their own. I flatter myself they knew I loved them dearly despite this. (To be sure, they were paid pocket money for this and other chores (on top of a small basic amount independent of chore-doing).)

Result? Not anxiety or poor mental health. Rather, PhDs in STEM, successful careers, partnerships, socialisation, motherhood/fatherhood of lovely, successful grandchildren for me.

Maybe I was just lucky. It is, though, again, complicated ... but perhaps it's worth knowing the forces/signs don't all point one way.

I enjoy feeling cared for now at the grand old age of nearly 40. There’s a compromise who made here @menohnopausal it would do no harm to you or her for you to make her lunch every once in while it might make her feel more loved and cared for and it might give you a couple of moments to talk about things in the morning whilst you’re there making her lunch and she’s waiting for you.

I expect teen DC to put packed lunch food on the list if they need it, and make the lunch themselves.

But I have a coffee and chat while they make it, will help out if they’re in a hurry, and make them a home cooked supper most evenings. So I think it all balances out, in terms of them feeling cared for.

I don’t think making a sandwich is such a complex task that it requires years of practice in order to be capable of doing it as an adult. I also see the benefit in modelling kindness and compassion to the people you love.

My dad made my lunch every day until I left home at 18. And yet somehow miraculously I was able to do it when I moved out.

Now I make lunch for my teens. DD18 is currently doing exams and I make her breakfast too. It’s just a way of demonstrating love and kindness.

My dc get £20 a week - on the basis that it's entirely up to them if they spend it on lunch at school or keep it and make lunch from the abundance of free stuff at home. They mix and match a bit but mostly take their own

We have 3 kids needing lunch currently. Shop lunches would be over £60 a week. Hell no way am I paying that for u healthy crap. I can make them great packed lunches for way less.