Why do so many posters hate mothers/children

IMO the objective of paying into a welfare state is to provide you with support when you need it.

When you have had a baby, you need support to allow you to care for that child, and the idea you get something ‘back’ from the state for that short period seems fair to me.

A lot of people are paying a lot of tax for a comprehensive welfare state that they personally are not allowed to access unless they are more or less destitute.

This can come as a surprise after never having claimed anything from the state but having paid a lot of tax for many years. ‘Now it’s my time to need help’ - and you are given a few crumbs from the table.

We have a puritanical streak in the UK - lots of people seem to see suffering as a virtue.

‘my life was shit so yours should be too’.

I’ve long been confused by the expectation by many that if you have children you should expect to work incredibly hard and live in poverty.

Making the point o f many of the posts on the first page perfectly.

Not one person has said that no accommodation should be made as having kids is a valueless lifestyle choice. Nobody on the other thread is screaming that mat leave should be abolished, child benefit axed, no subsidised childcare on their watch.

Some have said that they disagree with mothers getting more state provision than they already are, or with P&C parking spaces. That isn't intolerance. It doesn't mean that people think mothers and children are valueless.

I honestly do think that some people on here expect mothers to be held up on a pedestal and agreed with at all times.

I'm not a big fan of increased SMP or other maternity benefits, but this has nothing to do with hating women, quite the opposite in fact.

Having a child is a joint venture, which both parents should plan and prepare for. A man has no business having a child with a woman if he doesn't have a (joint) plan for supporting them through her maternity leave, I don't understand why he or they would think the state should do it.

The more costly and difficult you make it for employers to employ or promote women of child bearing age/mothers, the less they'll do it, which doesn't help women.

As a parent, I found other parents to be a PITA generally, their kids were fine for the most part. Hate and disagree are two different things.

Some parents display an entitlement that really gets on people’s wicks. I had a child at an activity refuse to clean up after the event and demanded to take materials home. Instead of the parent supporting the rules, she expected special treatment because she didn’t want to deal with the fall out of saying no to the little prince, urgh!

I don’t hate people with children. I just don’t think they’re any more special or deserving than people who don’t have children, and in the world of Mumsnet that tends to be interpreted as hating children.

I do think statutory maternity pay should be better. But I also think statutory sick pay should be better, pensions should be better, PIP should be better… I could go on. In general I’m in favour of everyone being better off. I just roll my eyes when people elevate mothers above everyone else.

Nobody hates children as much as their own mothers! They always seem to be desperate to get rid of them (to school) or ignoring them or shouting at them. And they decided to bring them into this world despite a global population crisis and supposed climate crisis which they claim to be worried about. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Parents create their own problems and expect everyone to reward them for it. Some of us have hard enough lives already, and we didn't choose them.

"Hate" mothers and children?
I don't like kids and never had any.
Just mind my own business and get out of their way if present, since it has always been overwhelming.
But I don't hate them or their mums, it's the adult's choice in life, so they ought to get on with it.

I read the SMP thread, and I was more horrified at the attitude towards pensions/pensioners. People going on about how it's 'loads more' than SMP. It's a little bit more, yes, but only if you have been paying into it for 35 years. And then there was, 'but pensioners aren't having to pay crippling mortgages'. Well, some are still paying rent, but many worked their arses off to pay off those mortgages, have brought up their own children with a damn sight less state assistance than is available now.

The attitude towards the elderly on this site is pretty vile. And guess what, most of the elderly in this country are? Parents. So I'd be asking why there's so much dislike for other parents who worked their arses off, same as you are now, but don't deserve nice houses or a decent return on something they contributed to for 35 years.

Can’t say I see that? There’s an awful lot of hate against men and men pretending to be women though.

100% made up but probably quite accurate example.

“My husband ate the last ice cream, he knew it was mine”

Kill him
LTB
LTB then kill him
strangle his cat

Well, having read the first page it’s certainly taught me that there is a huge amount of intolerance of mothers and children and that no accommodation should be made for them as it’s a valueless lifestyle choice.
I trust these posters all live in America or dream of moving there. You’d love the hyper individualism.

You know what MN actually hates? TAATs.

Love this post!!

I'm a mother and I have a child, I also disagree with other mothers who have children fairly often on here. Doesn't mean I hate them at all.

It's a very childish way to look at the world - you disagree with me therefore you must hate me! Social media is slowly murdering any opportunity for rational discussion and healthy debate by implying that any disagreement at all is personal, emotional, and rooted in hate for the person you're disagreeing with.

It's been a while since one of these threads. I don't hate mothers and children. I just don't think children should be the centre of everyone's universe at all times. Other people matter, too. But then I'm childfree by choice and probably just don't know my own mind...

What everyone else has said.

I don't hate mothers or children.

but I don't want to pay more tax to fund someone else's maternity leave

I don't want adults to ignore their children until the child is beyond themselves, and everyone else in the vicinity is wound up.

i don't want parents not using safe car seats.

I don't want parents acting like you're the child thief when you smile/wave/say hello to them, or tell your 'over age' child to be careful of the babies, in the baby section of soft play.

i don't hate them, but they're not on a pedestal either.

you've had a baby, great, but you're not the only one.

I think a lot of people come on here to complain about specific mothers and children, but they make it general. Mothers who take their kids to the supermarket & get in the way, mothers whose kids make noise in the garden, mothers who do or don't work, mothers who WFH whilst minding their kids etc etc.
It does spread a bad feeling I think.

And if anybody says anything, however mild, about children screaming at the top of their lungs in the neighbourhood, whether the commenter is child free or not, the instant default argument is, 'oh, so you think children should be seen and not heard'. No, FFS, they think it's possible for children to play without screaming.
Similarly, if anyone dares to suggest that some spaces are more suited to adults, it's tantamount to asking people to lock their kids in a cupboard, 'What should we do, not leave the house until DC are 18?'. No, love, just stop complaining your local public house has decided it's not a suitable place for an 8 year old.

YY to those saying 'disagreeing with' doesn't equal hate. Social media has encouraged the conflation of the two, and it's basically killing any chance of reasonable discussion, leading to solution. Instead you end up with these dramatic, polarising stances and I don't know how society's going to put this genie back in the bottle.

I disagree with many people about many things. Often those people are my husband and kids. I certainly don’t “hate” them. It’s immature and melodramatic to characterise disagreeing with someone’s opinion as “hating” them. I think you’ll find very few people on here “hate” women and children.

And everything @deviantfeline said. For context I have 4 kids (and only occasionally hate them).

I'm on that thread - just because I don't think women should get a year off work at full pay, every time they have a baby, it doesn't mean I hate mothers. I have 4 dc myself. I'm quite concerned about my DD's employment prospects if she's seen as potentially risky/too expensive to employ!

I feel that new mothers are not more deserving of paid time off, than people caring for a dying relative or those with serious illness.

Women are sometimes conditioned to see the different choices made by other women as criticism of our own choices, even when disagreement is not intended that way. Hence the horror of sah v woh, bf v ff etc.

But that thread you are referring to was largely a disagreement about who should pay for what are essentially lifestyle choices and it wasn't nasty in tone imo.

I’ve not seen much hate, except for the odd random post here and there. I have a child but to be honest, I disagree with a lot of other parents, and I’m not a huge fan of kids in general terms.

Perfectly sums it up
Excellent post!

There may be disagreement that children should be the centre of everyone's known universe and the levels of irritation/annoyance they bestow on others. There are differences between opinion, disagreement and hate.

On the other hand try seeing what the child free have to put up with on here. In just the last two weeks
-child free people shouldn't buy houses so they are easier for families to buy and why do they need security anyway when they've got no kids?
-child free people should pay more tax to support hard working families

• child free people should work every Xmas because think of the poor kiddies.
• what the fuck do child free people do with their time the lazy fucks.

'Hate' is a bit dramatic isn't it? 😳

People disagree, sometimes those people are women.

Shocker!