Am I being mean about the "supersweet" friend?

I don't think he was allergic that is not what the OP said, she said he did not like ice cream. You seem to be conflating two different concepts here. Ice cream is so varied I can honestly see that she thought he may like to try something different. I mean a magnum is vastly different to a cloudy lemonade ice lolly isnt it?

I don't know I was not there I am giving my viewpoint and interpretation on it like you are with your's. We need to agree to disagree.

You refer to me as mean, angry and vitriolic but I am the one insulting you? Are you for real?

If you are going to look at my comments on other threads and come up with ill informed and nasty conclusions about my character then I will have something to say about it in response. In what way was your observation constructive? I am really interested in knowing this?

Blood pressure is fine thanks. Would you consider it just irritating to daily offer a child a food they were allergic to when you had been told they were allergic to it? What is the difference between that and continually offering a child with SEN a food he doesn't tolerate due to sensory issues? How is that being kind?

My intention was to make a constructive observation and I can see that wasn't appropriate in this context. I'd appreciate it if you could refrain from insulting me.

I said it might have been irritating, what more do you want, blood? My mum does similar, I am used to people like this. I just don't get my knickers in a twist about them and manage to tune them out. Maybe you should try it some time? Would definitely lower your blood pressure.

'Mean as an alley cat'? For asking if a kid wants an icecream and generally being a bit socially clumsy?

This thread has been an eye-opener. I had no idea people had such scathing opinions about someone acting in a pretty mild way.

Note you glossed over the fact the ice cream conversation happed on at least a dozen occasions @Marinade . So in your world asking the same thing 12 times and being given the same answer and reason for rejecting the offer is something nice and to be seen as a gesture of thanks? The offer wasn't being rejected because the OP didn't want to pay for it and the friend knew that so the throwing in of the I'll pay for it was an unnecessary dig. How could it be a gesture of thanks knowing that the child has sensory issues regarding ice cream, that is more like a punishment than a nice thing to do.

In your opinion.

Well she was almost rugby tackled to the ground before she got anywhere near said toddler with the plate so all was good 😂

Not ‘precious’ to become annoyed with someone asking your DC if they wanted ice cream a dozen times!

The repeated ice cream suggestion thing was rude.

Trying to give her salad to a random toddler whose table’s food hadn’t yet arrived was v odd!

It is very precious is it not? To get so wound up by someone offering an ice cream? Yes I can see it as a bit irritating but the extreme response here is not justified whatsoever in my opinion. This woman has been slated on this thread.

And I am quite certain it would have been seen by her as a gesture of thanks as opposed to the 'guilt trip' explanation you offered.

Calm the fuck down. Guilt tripping the parent by saying I'll pay for it? What is the matter with you? It can't be a gesture of thanks, no? It has to be a guilt trip? I stand by what I said - you and your interpretations are weirdly dark and imbued with a fundamental dislike of characters that you do not understand.

The person who needed to calm down and wind her neck in was the friend. It is hardly a gesture of thanks when the reasons the child does not have ice cream have been clearly explained to the friend. Again the friend has known this child for years and knows they have SEN. I have fundamental dislike of people who behave like the friend did and I would have snapped at her way before the OP did.

So she offered to buy him I've cream twice? That's not exactly a huge deal. She probably forgot the second time.

@Josette77 the Op said the ice cream conversation was at least a dozen times. The reason the child doesn't have ice cream is due to sensory issues which are part and parcel of his SEN. The friend knows the child has SEN, has known the child for years why keep pushing it? It's not for the benefit of the child that is for sure.

@endlessnonsense / haven’t read the whole thread but I think I’m with you. I’ve associated with people like your friend before.

It’s an insincere and manipulative ‘kindness’. Pretending to be a kitten when you’re a lion. It’s akin to that twee whisper singing that used to be in John Lewis Christmas adds. I just wanted to scream at the telly, stop the fake twee singing, we know you can sing like an adult woman FFS!

I was friendly with a local mum, she used to speak so sweetly, and be all ‘never mind me’ and smiley. But one day I caught the flicker of her giving me a dirty look. She regained her composure and went back to smiley very quickly, but I saw it. Later on I found out some things from a mutual friend that didn’t tally up with the put upon Disney Princess act either.

Your friend also didn’t get a powerful corporate role by being a doormat either. Trust your instincts.

I said this to someone who made out her gestures were so terrible. It was not a literal statement that she should be hung drawn and quartered for goodness sake. It was a response to the disroproportionately negative and OTT way her behaviours have been framed by some of the folk on here

According to you

Calm the fuck down. Guilt tripping the parent by saying I'll pay for it? What is the matter with you? It can't be a gesture of thanks, no? It has to be a guilt trip? I stand by what I said - you and your interpretations are weirdly dark and imbued with a fundamental dislike of characters that you do not understand.

And I am a glass half empty person believe me, but did she really do such terrible things to warrant the vitriol being spouted against her? She seems like a well meaning person who is rather clumsy in her social gestures probably due to some anxiety?

How many times does a well meaning person need to be told NO to getting a child an ice cream because the child does not like it, does not eat it, does not want it before it sinks in? The added dose of guilt tripping to the parent with the I'll pay for it comment was, again, not well meaning. Both of those examples are not just clumsy they show a complete lack of respect for the child and the parent. Those actions were all about the friend, the child was merely a bit part player in the drama.

The “I don’t mind” defenders seem to be spiralling - weird accusations of the lady being “hung drawn and quartered”. All op did was make one mildly snippy remark to her and ask afterwards if she was being out of order for feeling irked. Op doesn’t come across to me as “angry”

One other thought @endlessnonsense you might be interested in reading about Karpman's drama triangle for understanding this dynamic and some of your reactions to it - victims need a persecutor and will often try to recruit other people in to that role.

Not just noticing though - you felt compelled to offer your vacuous opinion in writing following on from some detailed observations and analysis. I must intrigue you in some way but you really should get a hobby instead of stalking a stranger on the internet.

There's a Texan word for her: nicety. It's when people appear to be nice but they're being mean as alley cats.

Find a way to dump her. DH could simply be oblivious. Tell him she reckons he's crap at golf - or whatever he fancies himself at.

Not stalking, noticing. And yes, I think you could do with taking some of your own advice.

Good to know you have been stalking my comments on other threads😂, digesting and analysing them and then spewing out your cod psychology interpretations. Get a hobby maybe? 😂