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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 14/08/2024 07:11

Is the child yours with your partner? How old is the child?

JamSandle · 14/08/2024 07:03

Why can't the TV be moved to the lounge?

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 14/08/2024 06:59

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

Sorry, you couldn't get into bed because your daughter was on your side??
Firstly, why was she still up at parent's bedtime?
Why the fuck did you not move her?? She is a child. You are an adult. Also storing up trouble here if her father bot only told you to fuck off, but is dissing you by allowing her to lounge on the marital bed to the detriment of the adult. She will have no respect for you.
Don't be thinking of alternative places to sleep. Deal with this, or you'll be on here discussing problems with you DP and DD for ever

mm81736 · 14/08/2024 06:54

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

RedHelenB · 14/08/2024 06:52

You have different habits so neither of you are unreasonable However he shouldn't have told you to fuck off. I think you'll have to live apart ultimately, you don't seem compatible.

buttonsB4 · 14/08/2024 06:51

I think you did the absolutely right thing, he told you (completely inappropriately) to FO (& in front of your DD which makes him a shitty parent) so you did.

I would simply stay in your house and not return home until he apologises. He has two weeks off, he can spend those with his DD.

You should look into making the split permanent and how you could work a 50/50 divide when he goes back to work.

I can completely see why his first wife divorced him 🙄

Vettrianofan · 14/08/2024 06:45

Ditch him, not the TV!

What an arse.

Obvious solution is TV in living room so you can sleep?

Allthehorsesintheworld · 14/08/2024 06:43

Easily solved. Cut the plug off the TV.
Permanently solved. LTB.

Disillusionedwithlife · 14/08/2024 06:26

Well his primary relationship seems to be with the t.v. And he is teaching your DD that the t.v. is more important than you.

Personally if I had my own home, as you do, I would be moving there permanently and co- parenting my DD with him.

I find his behaviour selfish, rude, and uncaring. I couldn't be bothered with someone who felt it was reasonable to behave like that.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 14/08/2024 06:17

I would be moving to your other house. When i moved in with H I asked him to remove the TV from the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping. No partnership can survive extended sleep sabotage! YANBU, and your P definitely is, and to boot she is showing you no respect. How is the relationship otherwise? Do you want to stay? Talk about this at a time that isn’t bed time. Is a different property with separate bedrooms an option?

Bigcatpaws · 14/08/2024 06:14

When he’s out, take the TV out of the bedroom.
Cut the aerial cable to the bedroom.

If this doesn’t work, get rid of him and claim CMS
Whose property is it ?

Assume your dd is young so should be asleep in own bed at that time ?

Birdingbear · 14/08/2024 06:14

Bedrooms are for sleeping...not watching tv. Get rid of it in the room. I'd get rid of him now to be honest. Go live in your own house, nevermind the tv....to say fuck off to you cross the line

Lacdulancelot · 14/08/2024 06:13

We’ve never had a tv in our bedroom thank goodness.
Your dp is a selfish prick.
I would break the tv and every subsequent tv that ever came into the bedroom.
And I’d still leave him.

Emmanuelll · 14/08/2024 06:08

If he’s this selfish, the relationship is surely doomed. Why is your daughter not in bed herself? And why are they watching TV in a bedroom instead of the living room?

autienotnaughty · 14/08/2024 06:05

Can you have an agreement say no tv in bedroom after 10pm? How old is your dd? Could you have slept in her bed?

wickerlady · 14/08/2024 06:05

I hate tvs in the bedroom, and this would really grind my gears OP! You're not being unreasonable.

Inspireme2 · 14/08/2024 06:02

Cut off the tv cord.
If hes on holiday go sit in the lounge.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 14/08/2024 06:02

It is not ok op. Daughter should have gone to bed when you arrived, or at the very least been told to go to bed, and done so. It is not setting up healthy boundaries for her either. Was anything said when you drove to the house 40 miles away?

Doggymummar · 14/08/2024 06:00

I would have taken the kids bed, but you need a long term solution

plumvioletrose · 14/08/2024 05:57

It is not okay to stop your partner sleeping for any non emergency reason.

Apparently, I the only one that thought the partner is a woman.

Notwhatuwanttohear · 14/08/2024 05:44

Why wouldn't you send your child to bed.

You should have switched the tv off at the socket and went to bed.

Why on earth you would get with a waster who got divorced because he was a lazy tv man, I'm not sure he can even be blamed for the current situation as you knew what you was getting into.

user1492757084 · 14/08/2024 05:39

Being told to FO is not what I would tolerate.

H got the reward of you disappearing and no further interuptions to his viewing habits.

State your boundaries - one more FO and you will move on.

Make sure your bedroom TV is quite small or completely removed.
Ensure the living room TV is more comfortable with a nice sofa and knee rugs.
Stick to a sensible bed time for DD.

ButterCrackers · 14/08/2024 05:38

Put the tv in the lounge. Do not have a tv in your bedroom. Is the flat owned jointly with your dh? If not then consider moving back to your house with your dd.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 14/08/2024 05:31

How old is the daughter? What time of night was this?
If she’s older than 4 her bed must have been vacant.
I wouldn’t be told to F off twice.

Neverneverneveragain · 14/08/2024 05:28

YNBU. He is being completely unreasonable and he should not talk to you like that, he should understand and respect that you need to go to sleep when you feel tired as you have work the following morning. I would get rid of lounge TV and move the nice bedroom TV in the lounge but if there other issues around control and respect I would reconsider the relationship too.