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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
betterangels · 14/08/2024 08:24

mm81736 · 14/08/2024 06:54

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

This is crazy. Why on earth should she do that?

AquaFurball · 14/08/2024 08:16

Your partner is on holiday so can you take a couple of days to stay in your own house, get some proper sleep and consider the future of the relationship?

They can cover full childcare for a couple of days as if you had to go away for work. If your dd would be OK with that. Might not be possible depending on your actual situation of course but it sounds like your relationship has more issues than just a tv in the bedroom.

Chocolateorange22 · 14/08/2024 08:16

Let us know what was said about you driving to the other house and staying out.

I probably wouldn't necessarily say this was the final straw but he definitely was being unreasonable. I'd perhaps if it's a regular thing make it clearer earlier in the night "I'm going to bed at X time please can you ensure I can get into bed, the TV isn't on in there and I can go to sleep". Depending on his reaction you know where you stand.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 14/08/2024 08:03

I couldn’t live like this. At least you haven’t married the idiot.

The tv thing is a symptom of his complete disregard for you, and on that basis I would split up.

Do you own or rent the property you are living in with him? Can you just move to the place you own permanently?

needlesandhaystacks · 14/08/2024 08:02

Welcome to my world. I despise the TV in our bedroom. My DH says he likes to lie in bed of an evening and watch it but watches it late! Won't watch anything downstairs. It causes huge issues come bed time. I've moved into the spare room. It's not the only thing causing problems in our marriage but for me it's a huge one.
YANBU!

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 08:02

And sulks... And racks up bills...and leaves all the lights on etc.

Sounds like a useless aggressive waste of space to me....

Leave!

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 07:59

Is this the same partner that won't let you sit down to eat?

LittleMousewithcloggson · 14/08/2024 07:57

I would definitely end relationship over that
No respect or consideration for you at all

DiscoBeat · 14/08/2024 07:55

mm81736 · 14/08/2024 06:54

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

Are you insane?

DiscoBeat · 14/08/2024 07:54

Absolutely just take the TV out of the bedroom. They don't belong there imo. If I explained that I needed that space and still got told to fuck off I'd be extremely thankful I had another house and hadn't got married.

RedRobyn2021 · 14/08/2024 07:52

randomchap · 14/08/2024 07:43

What time did this happen? If he was having a nice time with his daughter at 7pm, and was asked to stop then it's very different to say 10pm

Of course him telling you to fuck off was wrong. No-one should speak to their partner like that.

I don't think it matter what time it was. She should be able to go to bed in her own bedroom.

The bare minimum is that the TV is taken out the bedroom and if that doesn't happen I'd be looking at separation OP

GettingLaterAndLater · 14/08/2024 07:50

Time you went back to your house permanently, taking your daughter with you.

You deserve more respect in a better relationship and she deserves better modelling of decent and respectful relationships.

User364837 · 14/08/2024 07:49

Was it a “Normal” bed time for an adult to go to bed?

how old is your daughter.

you P sounds selfish. If you’re sharing a bedroom with someone you have to consider each other’s needs.

also your daughter - of course if the person whose bed it is wants to get into there bed and sleep then she should vacate!

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 07:47

How old is your daughter?

Why is she watching TV so late?

Is he the father?

Ahsoka2001 · 14/08/2024 07:44

What were they watching?

randomchap · 14/08/2024 07:43

What time did this happen? If he was having a nice time with his daughter at 7pm, and was asked to stop then it's very different to say 10pm

Of course him telling you to fuck off was wrong. No-one should speak to their partner like that.

GoFigure235 · 14/08/2024 07:43

If you have another house, move into it.

PrettyPines · 14/08/2024 07:42

The bigger issue here is the selfishness / lack of respect for you. It would be a dealbreaker for me too.

catin8oots · 14/08/2024 07:34

By STBXH always insisted having a massive TV on in the bedroom, booming loud all night. When he would fall asleep I would turn it off and he would wake up and scream at me.

He's had terrible sleep issues for years. Poor quality sleep, migraines, causing him the inability to sustain work.

It was a major contributing issue to us splitting up that he wouldn't sort out his sleep.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/08/2024 07:27

Not that it makes any difference to the responses - the partner is clearly a horror - but sounds like the partner is female.

Left · 14/08/2024 07:27

Hope you got some sleep after all that OP, how are you feeling today?

RaininSummer · 14/08/2024 07:25

Underlying anxiety! That's a good one. He sounds like a very selfish dickhead. I would consider this a dumping offence as it's happened more than once and do unnecessary.

Happyinarcon · 14/08/2024 07:21

It sounds like your partner has a lot of underlying anxiety and relies on the TV to help calm him down. I don’t want to be ‘on his side’ but it probably does feel impossible for him to give up the TV. He will need to address this anxiety through either medication, therapy or yoga. Maybe an iPad with headphones might be a short term solution if you can’t have separate bedrooms

RedSuedePump · 14/08/2024 07:21

i should add the above doesn’t have to be “either or”. i’d ditch the TV and him personally!

RedSuedePump · 14/08/2024 07:20

this is absolutely ridiculous. the person wanting to go to sleep gets priority in terms of the bedroom environment! ditch the TV or ditch him - he sounds like a selfish waster.