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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:40

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:15

Your partner is avoiding you, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship as to why that could be, I'm a bit confused though, when you say 'they' are you referring to just your partner, or your partner and daughter? As your OP talks about your partner and daughter together? But I think this post refers to just your partner?

In this instance your partner and daughter were in the bedroom because you and your son were watching something in the front room, making them move or stop what they are doing when you call bed time shouldn't be assumed as you are dealing with another adult here, not a child, it's no wonder it is leading to an argument.

This TV issue seems to be a symptom of bigger relationship issues here though, your partner doesn't want to be told what to do by you, and feels like you are dictating what they can and can't do in their own home, it sounds like there is unreasonableness on both sides.

Could you not go and sleep in your daughters room if they are staying up later than you to watch a film occasionally? or setup a sofabed in the front room so they are happy to swap there?

There must be a better way to resolve this rather then just try to make them fall in line with what you want?

Show quote history

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

I have a mild skin condition.
I would not want to use my daughters bed and I suspect she would have a fit if I suggested it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:38

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 13:17

My solution would be to change your sofa to a sofa bed, so you have a comfy alternative to sleep without the need to leave the house. The TV thing seems to be an ongoing and big enough issue to require a permanent solution. Have a (calm) discussion with your partner. However, there seems to be a lot more going on between you and your partner that may need addressing.

The sofa is from
my partners deceased parents. It's old fashioned but very good quality. I never found a sofa bed that was comfortable to sit on. Let alone sleep on.

OP posts:
honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 13:17

My solution would be to change your sofa to a sofa bed, so you have a comfy alternative to sleep without the need to leave the house. The TV thing seems to be an ongoing and big enough issue to require a permanent solution. Have a (calm) discussion with your partner. However, there seems to be a lot more going on between you and your partner that may need addressing.

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:15

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:41

My partner started watching TV in the bedroom maybe 2 years ago. Previously they typically watched it on the sofa until they fell asleep. Sometimes coming to bed after 3.00am.

Their default position is to fall asleep watching TV. Whether that's in the bedroom or living room.

If I was in bed then I'd often be woken up when they came to bed in the small hours.

If they are in bed, often asleep, with the TV on there can still be an argument about switching it off. It is turned off begrudgingly and I am not allowed to touch the remote. It has to be them. I assume this is to see what point they have watched up to or record the rest.

Show quote history

Your partner is avoiding you, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship as to why that could be, I'm a bit confused though, when you say 'they' are you referring to just your partner, or your partner and daughter? As your OP talks about your partner and daughter together? But I think this post refers to just your partner?

In this instance your partner and daughter were in the bedroom because you and your son were watching something in the front room, making them move or stop what they are doing when you call bed time shouldn't be assumed as you are dealing with another adult here, not a child, it's no wonder it is leading to an argument.

This TV issue seems to be a symptom of bigger relationship issues here though, your partner doesn't want to be told what to do by you, and feels like you are dictating what they can and can't do in their own home, it sounds like there is unreasonableness on both sides.

Could you not go and sleep in your daughters room if they are staying up later than you to watch a film occasionally? or setup a sofabed in the front room so they are happy to swap there?

There must be a better way to resolve this rather then just try to make them fall in line with what you want?

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 13:14

Why haven't you ended it then if you allege she is violent to you? I don't think you are being honest about any of this.

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 13:12

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:01

My partners daughter made unsubstantiated totally false but potentially damaging allegations against me. My partner suspects her ex put her up to this. The ex worked in the court service. Nothing came of them and indeed she backed down.

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

The daughter broke up with her partner a few months ago
and indeed called the police on him and he spent a night in the cells. He was someone who moved himself into our house then bought a husky pup and thought it appropriate to tell me it was none of my business that he brought a dog into my home with 3 young kids.

Show quote history

That doesn't change what I said. You come and go when you like without having to consider your partner or your children because they're her responsibility, right? Then when you do decide to stay, you think you should get brownie points for cooking the children dinner and that everyone should change their habbits to accommodate your presence.

Also,

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

Nah. On your other thread you said that you hope that by going to your home every time your partner's daughter comes it will force your partner to stop her daughter from visiting. That is manipulative and controlling.

MissMoneyFairy · 14/08/2024 13:11

I'm completely confused about who is who, what was done,, who said what, who lives where and why do these people bother with this, it sounds a nightmare Jeremy Kyle episode for everyone,

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 13:03

Why are you staying in this weird relationship?

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:01

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 12:51

He also left out that this is his partner's flat and that he stays in his own house three nights a week while working leaving her to deal with the children. And when her eldest daughter visits he fucks off to his own house because he doesn't life her. Also leaving her to deal with the children. To me it just sounds like this woman has her own routine in her home, which he then disrupts when he stays.

My partners daughter made unsubstantiated totally false but potentially damaging allegations against me. My partner suspects her ex put her up to this. The ex worked in the court service. Nothing came of them and indeed she backed down.

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

The daughter broke up with her partner a few months ago
and indeed called the police on him and he spent a night in the cells. He was someone who moved himself into our house then bought a husky pup and thought it appropriate to tell me it was none of my business that he brought a dog into my home with 3 young kids.

OP posts:
llamajohn · 14/08/2024 13:01

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:55

You suspect?

Faces have been slapped so hard that glasses have been removed. Only by my partner on me. I'm told they also tried to slap their previous partner.

The rest of your suspicions are totally incorrect and without any justification.

Show quote history

So you are a man.

Nanny0gg · 14/08/2024 12:55

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 12:45

I suspect OP explodes with rage if they watch TV in the lounge while he is dozing off. So they retreat to the bedroom. OP then wants them to stop watching there so he can go to bed. I also suspect that the daughter is being used almost as a 'human shield' to keep this man at arm's length. I suspect she told him to fuck off because she has had enough of his anger.

I suspect OP comes here, posts gender neutrally to get people on side and then uses people's replies here as verbal sticks to beat his partner with.

I hope his partner finds a way to tell him to leave permanently back to his house that he is not renting out, which would help their financial situation.

It's boys and an older girl in another thread

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:55

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 12:45

I suspect OP explodes with rage if they watch TV in the lounge while he is dozing off. So they retreat to the bedroom. OP then wants them to stop watching there so he can go to bed. I also suspect that the daughter is being used almost as a 'human shield' to keep this man at arm's length. I suspect she told him to fuck off because she has had enough of his anger.

I suspect OP comes here, posts gender neutrally to get people on side and then uses people's replies here as verbal sticks to beat his partner with.

I hope his partner finds a way to tell him to leave permanently back to his house that he is not renting out, which would help their financial situation.

You suspect?

Faces have been slapped so hard that glasses have been removed. Only by my partner on me. I'm told they also tried to slap their previous partner.

The rest of your suspicions are totally incorrect and without any justification.

OP posts:
HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 12:51

He also left out that this is his partner's flat and that he stays in his own house three nights a week while working leaving her to deal with the children. And when her eldest daughter visits he fucks off to his own house because he doesn't life her. Also leaving her to deal with the children. To me it just sounds like this woman has her own routine in her home, which he then disrupts when he stays.

Snowfalling · 14/08/2024 12:50

bluegreygreen · 14/08/2024 10:54

OP has not specified that the partner is male

Show quote history

True, hadn't clocked that. I hate gender neutral posts like pp above

StripeyDeckchair · 14/08/2024 12:48

Well the good news is you're not married to this person and you have a place of your own.

In your shoes I'd stay in my own home on a full time basis and get rid of this prince of a man.

If you have stuff at his house pop over & collect it all in a single visit. Preferably when you know he'll be out or take a friend if he'll be there.
I wouldn't say anything but see what he comes out with, then I would let rip.

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 12:45

I suspect OP explodes with rage if they watch TV in the lounge while he is dozing off. So they retreat to the bedroom. OP then wants them to stop watching there so he can go to bed. I also suspect that the daughter is being used almost as a 'human shield' to keep this man at arm's length. I suspect she told him to fuck off because she has had enough of his anger.

I suspect OP comes here, posts gender neutrally to get people on side and then uses people's replies here as verbal sticks to beat his partner with.

I hope his partner finds a way to tell him to leave permanently back to his house that he is not renting out, which would help their financial situation.

BodenCardiganNot · 14/08/2024 12:43

Why are you staying in this awful relationship? The damage being done to the children will be lifelong.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:41

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 12:35

But why are they in there is my question? Why would they not already be in the front room watching TV? You saying 'that is what they do' seems odd, because they are obviously going in there for a reason?

If you don't want to say what the reason is that's fine, but if they are in there because you are in the front room and they want to be separate from you and whatever you are watching then that is the issue here, they then don't want to swap when you decide if you are the one keeping them out of the front room in the first place.

If its only a problem at weekends, then probably try and find a solution together for those days, removing the tv from the bedroom when they are in there to be away from you/give you some space seems quite controlling though.

Out of interest why would you drive miles away rather than just sleep in your daughters bed?

Show quote history

My partner started watching TV in the bedroom maybe 2 years ago. Previously they typically watched it on the sofa until they fell asleep. Sometimes coming to bed after 3.00am.

Their default position is to fall asleep watching TV. Whether that's in the bedroom or living room.

If I was in bed then I'd often be woken up when they came to bed in the small hours.

If they are in bed, often asleep, with the TV on there can still be an argument about switching it off. It is turned off begrudgingly and I am not allowed to touch the remote. It has to be them. I assume this is to see what point they have watched up to or record the rest.

OP posts:
RobinHumphries · 14/08/2024 12:41

I won’t have a tv in the bedroom for this very reason

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 12:35

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 11:57

They were watching TV in the bedroom because that's what they do. It had nothing to do with what was happening or not happening in the living room. I dozed off for 5 minutes and thought I should go to bed.

Show quote history

But why are they in there is my question? Why would they not already be in the front room watching TV? You saying 'that is what they do' seems odd, because they are obviously going in there for a reason?

If you don't want to say what the reason is that's fine, but if they are in there because you are in the front room and they want to be separate from you and whatever you are watching then that is the issue here, they then don't want to swap when you decide if you are the one keeping them out of the front room in the first place.

If its only a problem at weekends, then probably try and find a solution together for those days, removing the tv from the bedroom when they are in there to be away from you/give you some space seems quite controlling though.

Out of interest why would you drive miles away rather than just sleep in your daughters bed?

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 14/08/2024 12:30

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/08/2024 12:09

Absolutely spot on. Every post is the same and he's been called out on both the 'gender neutral' thing and his own behaviour.

Very manipulative, which speaks volumes.

Show quote history

Gender neutral posts are really irritating.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:28

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 12:11

It's making less and less sense. You only dozed off for 5min in the living room before going to the bedroom. Yet, it was already after midnight and you had been so tired. What were you doing in the many hours before? Why didn't you go to bed when you felt tired? If you had gone to bed by 7/8/9 pm and your partner had come in and switched the TV on they would have been UR. But that's not what happened.

time line as follows.

I was working until after 6.30. Got home at about 7.30.

i made two curries, ones for the kids and one with a bit more chilli for me and my partner. Out daughter was doing hockey so we all ate when she got home.

I washed the pots and pans and some of the plates. My partner finished the rest - plates and cutlery. There is a dishwasher in the flat but we've never used it.

Afterwards I delivered an order to a customer about 5 miles away. I left my car at a charge point about a mile from the house. I was sat down at about 11 watching TV with one of our sons.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 14/08/2024 12:21

You contradict yourself about how often these arguments occur with your partner. Perhaps you and she need to discuss whether this is a sign to end your relationship?

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 14/08/2024 12:18

Zahariel · 14/08/2024 12:05

This is 100% your own fault for allowing a TV in the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping and the other thing.

Show quote history

Knitting? 🤔

MissMoneyFairy · 14/08/2024 12:11

It would have been easier to sleep in your daughters bedroom, in the morning have told them both how disrespectful and inappropriate this was, judging by the response I would move, is your former house empty, are you planning to sell it., that would help with finances if you want to continue living with square eyes.