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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
suburburban · 14/08/2024 18:51

Buy some more spoons maybe😀

Wooden spoons don't go in dishwasher

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 18:43

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 14/08/2024 18:35

You also don't use a dishwasher so excuse me if I think your thinking might be flawed here!

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I use the dishwasher in my own house. To be honest the chemicals have damaged glassware, wooden spoons and rusted cutlery. I could live without it. I end up putting days of dishes into it until it's full and then switch it on. Often there isn't a spoon to make a cup of tea and the machine can take 2 hours to do a wash (or so it seams).

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 14/08/2024 18:41

I would move out. Not being allowed to sleep at night time is awful.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 18:38

Forget whether you were being unreasonable you were and focus on how to solve this ongoing issue in a way that works for both of you.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 14/08/2024 18:37

The problem isn't that you have a TV in your bedroom, it's that your partner is a total cunt. I would take the time they are on holiday to move to your other house and stay there 🤷🏼‍♀️

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 18:36

The gender neutrality didn't bother me. You were unreasonable, in my opinion, from the get go. There were so many different ways this would have played out in most other households. However, you did provide quite a bit of extra information in subsequent updates, including that this was a bone of contention anyway, which explains somewhat why you went in guns already blazing, demanding something.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 14/08/2024 18:35

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:38

The sofa is from
my partners deceased parents. It's old fashioned but very good quality. I never found a sofa bed that was comfortable to sit on. Let alone sleep on.

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You also don't use a dishwasher so excuse me if I think your thinking might be flawed here!

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 18:33

MissMoneyFairy · 14/08/2024 13:11

I'm completely confused about who is who, what was done,, who said what, who lives where and why do these people bother with this, it sounds a nightmare Jeremy Kyle episode for everyone,

You'd be surprised what goes on behind closed doors. I'm airing a few petty grievances here to see what people think.

A few weeks ago someone I knew was arrested as his father had died some weeks previously and he put the body in the fridge. He hadn't told anyone and has been charged with preventing a lawful burial. He had been living in his parents garden. His mother was already in a home leaving his dad alone in a very large house.

Jeremy Kyle exploited vulnerable people for our entertainment. I know even from my own relatives a lot worse is going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 18:25

Universalsnail · 14/08/2024 18:04

I think you need different bedrooms tbh. You want to fall asleep with out the TV which is valid. Sounds like she is a fall asleep to a film person which is also valid. You are incompatible to be sharing a sleeping space.

But tbh I was team you until i read the whole thread and now I am team your girlfriend as it all sounds very weird and it comes across like you come and go as you please but insist her routine adapts to you when you are there.
Also all this serious accusations stuff is pretty weird.

And I think it was pretty manipulative of you to make this post gender neutral. The post does come across like you are trying to manipulate the replies.

Edited

I've made my post gender neutral to prevent any misogyny, or is it misandry?

It shouldn't matter if I'm male, trans, female or gay or straight. I am a person.

My question remains whether I'm being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off when I want to go to bed? Was I unreasonable to expect my daughter to allow me to get into bed? Or was my partner correct in calling me selfish for wanting my daughter and her to watch the end of the film in the living room?

OP posts:
Universalsnail · 14/08/2024 18:07

I reckon this whole thread is a DARVO as that's how it comes across.

Universalsnail · 14/08/2024 18:04

I think you need different bedrooms tbh. You want to fall asleep with out the TV which is valid. Sounds like she is a fall asleep to a film person which is also valid. You are incompatible to be sharing a sleeping space.

But tbh I was team you until i read the whole thread and now I am team your girlfriend as it all sounds very weird and it comes across like you come and go as you please but insist her routine adapts to you when you are there.
Also all this serious accusations stuff is pretty weird.

And I think it was pretty manipulative of you to make this post gender neutral. The post does come across like you are trying to manipulate the replies.

ChrissyShenkle · 14/08/2024 17:49

I'm a fan of the nuclear option so I would have swept the TV to the ground and riverdanced all over it

AgnesX · 14/08/2024 17:49

I've only skimmed this but frankly the whole thing ie relationship sounds like a right mess.

The simplest solution is to live apart at the very least and at best part company.

Skyrainlight · 14/08/2024 17:38

The partner doesn't care about your needs for sleep and I doubt that's the only area where he is selfish. I would move back to my own house and get rid of him.

Yeahno · 14/08/2024 16:18

Man or woman, it doesn't matter. Your partner does not like or respect you for whatever reason. Its time to move on.

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 14:58

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

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Sounds like an excuse tbh

Just leave the relationship, clearly you aren't happy.

You don't like her, you don't like her kids, you won't sell your house, you won't have them move in to yours, you just leave the house and drive 40 miles away ...

Why are you staying? sex?

RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/08/2024 14:46

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

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Your stories and timeliness don't add up. You have a previous family, plus this one. Three kids in each, i think, but its hard to follow. You said on a previous thread that you handed your first family home over to your ex which was worth 200k. You have this house that you now own, and seem to live in part time. You live in another, rented (your partners, I assume? You say youve never had any dealings with the rent / landlord etc) house some of the time. Yet 18 months ago you started a thread about coming home to your house and the partner had all the lights on. You said you didn't know if it was right or not as you had never lived with anyone before, and you bought the house before you met them.

Perhaps the reason that your relationships are so dysfunctional is because you've never had a properly functional live-in relationship with either of the mothers of your children? (In which case, was the first house ever yours to 'give' to your ex?) Or were you wrong in saying you'd never lived with anyone before?

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:59

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

Only you will know that one, she's been falling asleep watching telly for a long time you said, and I assume the kids would be in bed earlier than she is falling asleep usually, especially during term time, so it does sound like she is avoiding spending time with you I'm afraid.

Out of interest why are you not renting the other property out? Is it because of how often you are staying there? Surely it would be cheaper to rent that and do the commute to hers throughout the week.

Do you enjoy each others company at all? It sounds like your relationship is very fraught.

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The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:59

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:40

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

I have a mild skin condition.
I would not want to use my daughters bed and I suspect she would have a fit if I suggested it.

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Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

Only you will know that one, she's been falling asleep watching telly for a long time you said, and I assume the kids would be in bed earlier than she is falling asleep usually, especially during term time, so it does sound like she is avoiding spending time with you I'm afraid.

Out of interest why are you not renting the other property out? Is it because of how often you are staying there? Surely it would be cheaper to rent that and do the commute to hers throughout the week.

Do you enjoy each others company at all? It sounds like your relationship is very fraught.

Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:55

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:54

So would you say it's not my family home?

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if you have another home - no

if you don't pay rent and bills on this one, no

it's someone else's house - someone who is a bell end - but it's their bedroom by the sounds of it, not yours.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:54

Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:52

if it's not your house - you have no legs to stand on do you?

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So would you say it's not my family home?

OP posts:
Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:52

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:08

I don't have a TV in my own bedroom in the house I own. If I did I would turn it off at bed time. I don't even find watching tv comfortable in bed.

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if it's not your house - you have no legs to stand on do you?

Normallynumb · 14/08/2024 13:50

This is a toxic relationship
Your DP slapped you once, yet you stayed
DD is absorbing this atmosphere
Kindness courtesy and respect has gone out the window.
Relationships shouldn't be this hard
It's about so much more than a TV in the bedroom
Move back to your own home, even if it's a less convenient location.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:50

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 13:12

That doesn't change what I said. You come and go when you like without having to consider your partner or your children because they're her responsibility, right? Then when you do decide to stay, you think you should get brownie points for cooking the children dinner and that everyone should change their habbits to accommodate your presence.

Also,

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

Nah. On your other thread you said that you hope that by going to your home every time your partner's daughter comes it will force your partner to stop her daughter from visiting. That is manipulative and controlling.

Edited
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I think it's madness living in two houses. It's financially crippling for one. However the house I have is the only one either of us have ownership in and we are both unlikely to get another mortgage.

I would strongly prefer to have one set of bills. My house does give me somewhere to go when things get uncomfortable.

I didn't ask for brownie points. I gave a time line because someone asked. I always do more of the cooking from scratch. I actually enjoy it and we both agree I'm better. (Unless that was a ploy to get me to do it).

Everyone has their own 'code' to live by. You hope to get someone compatible to live with.

Their daughter made serious false allegations with the intent to cause me difficulties. She has never apologised. I don't feel one bit comfortable around her.

If the shoe was on the other foot and an older child of mine made similar false allegations against my partner I'm not sure what I would do. I'm sure it's hard.

I have suggested recently that we put the blame on the daughter's ex partner and bury the hatchet.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:41

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 13:14

Why haven't you ended it then if you allege she is violent to you? I don't think you are being honest about any of this.

It was a slap once and I made it very clear I would not stay in a physically abusive relationship.

OP posts: