It’s a wedding one…

I would expect a thank you - a text, a digital card, or physical. I think the etiquette is within 3 months, so it might still be coming if the wedding was late May.

I spoke with all guests on our wedding day and thanked them for coming and bought them a drink. I am hand writing a thank you note id just like a nice picture for the front of it. I posted my comment on this thread yesterday and my photographer has got back to me today with all my photos so I can do what I set out to do. I got married 2.5wks ago so not like I've left it months and months.

We sent personal handwritten thank you cards 6 weeks after our wedding. According to wedding etiquette stuff online they should be sent within 3 months.

My aunt sent me a text 2 weeks after our wedding asking where her thank you card was, which given we were on honeymoon for that 2 weeks after the wedding I thought that was an unreasonable expectation. Aunt got married 18 months later and invited us to her wedding ceremony only so maybe she still had the hump that she didn’t get a thank you within 2 weeks.

DS got married a couple of years ago. DIL sent personalised cards within two weeks of getting home. I'd have been disappointed if she hadn't.
Would you have been disappointed in just her or in both of them? It reads as though you consider it entirely the responsibility of the woman.

We sent cards to everyone who gave us a present within a month of the wedding. We sat down and wrote them together so it was an equal task.

We sent thank you notes

its common courtesy

We got the first look photos within a week too and selected one of those and asked for the full image to get thank you's printed. Only chose one so as to not put too much work on the photographers and they were more than happy to send it.

I think it was 6-8 weeks for the full wedding photos to be available, but even if they chose to wait for all of them to be ready you should have had it by now.

Unfortunately there are too many people that just don't say thank you any more.

We have a few social functions at work each year, fully covered by the company. Out of 20 people there are usually 2 or 3 that actually say thank you for it. Or the Christmas bonus they get plus gifts...

It's really not that difficult and often (wedding thank you's aside) doesn't cost you anything!

Sending actual cards or letters is an outdated custom only useful to judge women for another thing. Nobody in my circle except for MIL does it any more, I don't even know where the post office is. And yes of course it's always women, the husbands are not judged for not sending cards, are they.

Face to face/text/email thanks is plenty and gifts should not come with strings attached - you're only getting it in exchange of a personalised letter!

I agree. I'm still waiting to hear back from a couple of weddings I attended (both over 4 years ago) with a thank you for a cash gift.

It's rude not to thank people

It’s just good manners I think. Obviously the split in the voting at the moment reflects the fact that some people don’t think that thats a big deal. Presumably they wouldn’t care if they went to the trouble of giving an expensive gift or amount of money and there was no acknowledgment.

I have given gift cards (not huge, but not insignificant amounts either) to two different friends' children when they married in the last couple of years, in wedding cards passed to the parent. Given the social set-up, I wouldn't have been 'expected' to have given a gift, but it pleased me to so that's fine - I get that it was my choice.

I have never received acknowledgement of either, which now leaves me in the uncomfortable position of not knowing whether they were received or mislaid. I can easily foresee that either parent could have forgotten to pass on the cards, both of which were given a bit in advance of the wedding as that's when I was seeing them.

It feels awkward to ask, as feels like I was looking for thanks, which isn't really the case (although it wouldn't have hurt). This means I will probably not bother to do this again.

So, parents - teach your children to say thank you, it may financially benefit them in the future! 😉

But what if your presence is their present?

All of the weddings I went to did thank us, massively face to face and then a lovely message a day or 2 later. They have basic manners. Not having basic manners would have been not acknowledging and saying thank you. Like I say maybe it's regional, these things matter to some people and not others. It's just not the done thing at all where I'm from. And the letter would be a waste and binned, because it could have been said in a phone call or text message.

Ps, it's ok to have a different opinion to someone. It doesn't make people rude. You just have different expectations and by the sound of it that's how it is where you are from and the circles you move in. That's ok. So are my friends and family to not do that.

I’ve voted YANBU but I understood it to be expecting thanks for a wedding gift. I’m not sure I’d send a card for attendance but I’d certainly thank in person. But then if you’re attending then you’ve probably gifted, so….yanbu.

We got married (elopement) last year and everyone who gave us a gift, whether they came to our after party or not, was sent a handwritten and personalised thank you card.

@Shawdee not my experience at all. I would think your friends and acquaintances very rude and would have been disappointed if my DIL and DS had not thanked guests for wedding presents. It is expected even in the 21st Century. They are 29. Basic manners have not changed over the last 35 years.

Both parties need to send thank you cards:

The guest writes to the bride and groom to thank them for including them in their lovely day.

The bride and groom write to the guest to thank them for the present. They don't thank them for attending though.

Why? Thank you cards are definitely dated. You were thanked with a meal and a party.

@RosesAndHellebores yeah 1991. In 2024 people say massive thank yous face to face and also phone calls and text messages. Maybe it's a regional thing too as all the weddings I can think of that I've been to in the last 10 years, we've received 1 letter afterwards (which went in the bin), and that was from a family who are very old school and they send a thank you for absolutely everything.

Because it's basic good manners to thank people for gifts.

In 1991 I wrote thank you letters. Standard format: how lovely to see you at our wedding, we were so glad you came; thank you so much for your gift of x (thoughtful, useful, beautiful), etc.; we have had a lovely honeymoon and are looking forward to the future - a full side of letter paper.

We got home from honeymoon on Saturday afternoon, the letters (about 60) were in the post on Monday morning. Together with letters of thanks to the: vicar, the flower ladies, the organist and choir, the string quartet and the caterers.

DS got married a couple of years ago. DIL sent personalised cards within two weeks of getting home. I'd have been disappointed if she hadn't.

@BettyBardMacDonald
It's a rubbish use of the earth's resources.

A face-to-face thank you should be enough. Surely you are regularly in touch with the person who you forked out for a destination wedding? So enough has been said between you? The ability to message, without using or manufacturing something has taken away the need for cards.

People don't even send invites out, let alone a thank you card. YABU.

The thank you is for the gift not for attendance. The obligation is on the attendee to thank for the invitation not on the hosts to thank for attendance.

Each to their own.

Sending written thanks is a small token effort to people who have gone to great effort on one's behalf.

It's part of the ongoing dialogue in social relationships. Verbal thanks is a paltry 10-second effort if that.