to ask you to teach me about parenting a toddler?

No is no. Just because he tantrums don't give in. Walk away and ignore it. You are in charge not him.

This is an example of what we do some days:

9.00 walk to playgroup
9.30-11.00 playgroup
11.30-12.30 walk home via park/library/shop
12.30-1.30 lunch and tv
1.30-3.00 nap
3.00-4.00 bath
4.00-5.30 play with toys
5.30-6.30 tv
6.30-7.30 tea, story, brush teeth, pyjamas

Screen time for 2-5 year olds should be limited to 1 hour max a day of co-watching. We all resort to the screen time ‘babysitter’ from time to time, but ideally it wouldn’t be a daily occurrence.
Involve your child in whatever you’re doing. They love to help. Talk to them. That’s how they learn. TV never teaches more than playing with an object would. If he enjoys playing with cars, let him. He will learn fine motor control, action and consequence (if I use this much force, the car will go this fast etc,) categorisation of colour, type of car etc. The list is endless.
Things my toddlers enjoyed:

• making pizza dough with me and then making their own pizza
• playdough play (Google a recipe to make the playdough)
• water play - especially in this lovely weather. A bowl of water, jugs, cups.
• painting. Get a drop cloth and either strip them or wear a big apron. finger painting is great fun.
• going to the library to pick up books. Read to your child. Every day.
• walks and picnics
• swimming

You clearly want to do what’s best for your child. This is a great start. A bit of TV when having a cuddle in the morning is fine, but avoid it during meals (someone has introduced him to this, he didn’t come up with this preference himself.) Your child will object at first if you change access to screens, but it won’t last long. Screen time is one of the biggest dangers to young people right now and you have a brilliant opportunity to teach your child social skills etc rather than just tapping into screens which are addictive, especially to growing brains.

In know it can be hard - I had to return to my full time job when the children were 4 months old and entertaining children can be tiring, but you will be so pleased when they grow up not being reliant on a screen.

Also to add about the resteraunt thing. I go to cafes on my own about 1-2 times a week with my 2yo and 1yo. I also go out once every 2 weeks to a kid friendly/relaxed resteraunt.

My sister and I were going out and she knows I love my cafes and dinners. She said, "You know my DD isn't used to going out like this. She isn't going to sit." and I told her... Neither are mine going to sit.😂

Kids are kids and sometimes it's just hard to go out. I'll use the napkin to make a hicopter, a ball, a blanket to hide behind and the straw to make a stick man, a wand or a potion mixer. It's exhausting and I don't know why I do it. I just really love going to cafes.

Even then kids have good and bad days and no amount of parenting can change the fact that toddlers can be wild. It is what it is.

I have a toddler aged 2yrs 4m. We unplugged our TV and put it in the attic - it was easier to do that than try to limit screen time. For filling whole days I spend a lot of time outside the house - structured classes in the morning like swimming and music, then something like library, park or zoo (we have an annual pass) in the afternoon, and a 90 min nap in the buggy while I go for a walk. We are out of the house by 8.30am and get back around 3pm. Then we have the school run for my eldest, and they entertain each other when both dcs are at home. I don't feel like I need to set up many more activities to fill the rest of the time. She chooses books and brings them to me to read, I get a puzzle or play doh out. She potters around the house filling a basket full of toys and chooses dressing up oufits.

We don't use screens in restaurants but we only eat out a few times a year. It's enough of a novelty that she'll happily play with the straw or napkin, or we read books or play with a small character toy.

In the mornings DD has breastmilk for a good 30 mins, spends 20 mins getting dressed/using potty/brushing teeth/playing with sister, spends 40 mins eating breakfast while we read stories/chat, and then 20 mins playing/cleaning face/applying sunscreen/putting on shoes. We don't find it hard to fill that time, we are always rushing out the door!

I've just seen also that you have the TV on during meals. I would really try to stop that completely. He will cry for the first 3 times but then he won't and you will all learn a new way of interacting.

There are many studies on children/adults eating into a screen and all the outcomes are very poor. It also sets up bad habits for the future. I would really try and cut that out completely. It may be hard at first but that's because his brain is used to it. It will be fine in the end x

I wouldn't t care about that level of TV personally

I have a bag with pencils, stickers, colouring sheets, a few magnetic building blocks, small toys (a couple of cars, perhaps?), some small soft toys etc etc. Usually enough to keep entertained until food. Also give you ideas to engage them in chat.

Absolutely no judegments and I've done it myself, but I find kids getting a screen as soon as they have to sit anywhere a bit depressing. I also find it depressing when two adults sit on their phones instead of talking. Screen is last resort if a late one and the crankiness is impacting on those around us.....The toys should distract from the screen and hopefully will break that habit....

You can also let him watch car documentaries/videos? Short ones?

My son loves cars so we watch a bit about how to repair different parts of a car and then we role play it into a game. For example, we YouTube, "how to repair a bumper) and then we make it into a game.

I'm just putting this here because you said your DS loves cars.

I have a 2yo and 1yo and I have them full time with hardly any screen time in the week.

We go out... A Lot. Lots of walks, lots of outings, sometimes just walking around the street. Walking to get me a coffee. Popping into the shops.

Play wise for a car lover:

• build a car park with blocks or magnetic blocks
• sand with cars/ diggers
• make a car wash (soap, in a tub, accessories)
• take your car to the garage - pretend tools, can make a card wheel with holes in and he drills it on.
• build a car - we have a push/pull car toy. We stick things onto it, tape, crafts, pretend to paint it.
• teaching patterns with cars (lining up by sizes, types of car, colours)

Basically I've played a lot with cars today. 😂😭

I Spy but with colours ("something that is blue")

I mean…. I don’t hear anything wrong with what you’re saying with regard to your screen time. It’s not like you park him in front of the TV all day. You are doing loads with him that doesn’t involve screens.

Are you trying to reduce the screen time because you genuinely think it’s damaging him, or because you think you’re supposed to be reducing it?

I don’t have an answer to the screens in restaurants thing. We don’t use screens in restaurants, we just accept that eating out is a terrible experience all round, and one or more with us won’t get to eat the food they’ve ordered.

After a long day of extroverted activity I too like to watch TV. If DH said “let’s not watch TV and do another activity instead” I’m pretty sure I’d have a tantrum as well. You could limit the amount you allow after dinner etc. but if it’s DS’s way of switching off and it’s not interfering with sleep or having other adverse effects, then so what?

Get some good cafe toys - the water reveal painting stuff is good! Also flashcards, books with flaps are good.

My DS just likes helping me with chores once intermixed with playing so hoovering, sweeping. We also have kids kitchen knives so he can chop. We bake a lot together, he grates, mixes etc.

As others have said, decide your TV rules. We have 1hr, only on weekends. I find weekends only keeps it partitioned away nicely

Is there a way you can make TV less central to your lives? Can it go in a less prominent place, maybe in a spare bedroom to watch in the evenings, or in a cupboard?

Admittedly my son is only 10m, but I put him down in a TV free room first thing with all his toys. He gets 10 minutes during nappy changes (poo everywhere otherwise) or if he needs to go in his jumperoo a few minutes in an emergency.

When we move house, we're planning to set up so that the TV is hidden/downplayed as we find we watch it a hell of a lot less now that we're not able to during the day.

As for activities - I would try and lengthen those hours of park/garden etc by 10-15m each time.

We've found that we get used to doing an activity for a certain length of time, then WE check out mentally, which stops our son enjoying it.

Except today and yesterday where he's been teething like absolute hell and TV is the only thing that soothes him.

Also a toddler mom and your routine really doesn't sound bad to me! Mine goes to creche 4 days a week from 9-2. In the morning if he's in the mood for independent play with his cars I try be as quiet as possible so he doesn't notice me & my coffee. 😅 That can be anywhere from 5min to 30min, and after that he helps me make breakfast. Aka a giant mess. But he loves pulling things out of the fridge, mixing his eggs or pouring his own milk. He doesn't get screen time with breakfast but the rest of his meals are hit or miss. I try involve him in the clean up too so loading the dishwasher, etc.,

Then getting dressed & usually 10-20min of TV because he's an unholy nightmare to get in clothes. If we still have time to kill, books or playing with his cars.

The days he's off with me, I try leave the house for 9am. Usually to our local park that's luckily got a duck pond. I bring toy tractors and a bucket and let him dig in the stones by it - that kills half an hour. Then feeding the ducks, and eating a snack. After that we usually do a little wander around, before grabbing a ball or bubbles from the car. All together this is about 2 hours and wrecks him to the point he takes a huge nap for me. Plus not as boring as indoor play activities.

In the afternoons if it's nice I pack him into the buggy for some peace on a walk. If there's any construction sites nearby he's happy to state at diggers for 30min while I awkwardly avoid eye contact with the workers.

Or build "tracks" in the garden for his bike, go to the playground, or bring a bucket on a walk around the estate to let him pick stones up and throw in.

If it's awful outside, we swap between activities like building hot wheel tracks and sending his cars down them, decorating my car dashboard with foam toddler stickers from Amazon - nightmare to clean but buys so much peace, washing his cars in the sink with soap, blowing up balloons, putting together a train track, building duplo, going out for a coffee and a rice krispie bun, going to the library, reading books, playing with playdough (aka driving his cars over the playdough), or taking off the couch cushions to jump on them. These all take 20-30min. I find if I give him undivided attention for one activity he's usually happy to do the next independently to give me a break. I encourage independent play as much as possible because there's only so many times I can play tractors & cars. 😅😅

I also keep different toys downstairs vs. his room and he's usually excited to go upstairs in the afternoon to play with those toys because he doesn't get as much time with them.

Plus I try encourage him to help me carry laundry / sweep the floor, etc., not always successfully!

He does get a lot of screentime in between these bits when I need a break as I'm 9 mths pregnant so I try focus on the least stimulating shows. Puffin Rock, Giant Jack & Little Bear are the best for that I find - muted colours, slower music, and less scene changes per minute. We used to use Ms Rachel, Paddington Bear or Thomas the Tank but he was addicted to those and so wired after. It was so bad a few months ago we had to go completely cold turkey (awful 3 days at the start) and then gradually intro the less stimulating options.

For restaurants I didn't want him stuck to a screen either though that still happens sometimes. I saw a tiktok about an "activity box" so made one we keep in the car. It's a photo box from Amazon with different small boxes in it that I've filled with little activities. One has puzzles, one has crayons, stickers, cars, little books, playdough with moulds, etc., we only get 2-5 min out of each one when we're out so I save them for when he's fussy and swap them out as we eat.

My other half does completely different things with him - they tend to go swimming, or out on a toddler carrier on his bike - but I don't enjoy those myself.

I don’t think it sounds like you’re doing too badly with screen time at all OP. It sounds as though it’s broken up well with other activities and interactions with you. We generally have the tv on in the mornings as my 3 year old gets up painfully early (think of 05:30 being a good day) and I find I just want to sit quietly and have a coffee! It also gives me time to get ready, put a wash load on and just get started with my day. We tend to be out and about for the day then (not every day) and will have more tv time in the evening either while I’m making dinner or afterwards when I’m cleaning up.

One thing that I think would help you is to stop having mealtimes in front of the tv. Sitting at the table together and eating really is so good for lots of reasons. I love the chats we have at the table and it’s a good opportunity to give them your undivided attention. If you decided today that from now on every meal was to be eaten at the table without the tv I think they’d get used to it really quickly. You might get some objections and tantrums for a few days but they’ll come to enjoy eating meals like this.

We don’t actually have a TV or a tablet, so screen time has never been an option, though not deliberately. My kids are 3 and 1. I’m not that great at messy/crafty stuff at home, and I reallllly don’t line to spend the whole day at home. If we don’t have big plans, my days with them are something like this:

Everyone up and washed and dressed before any playing! Otherwise it’s torture trying to get this done
Big one will help make breakfast whilst the small one plays with random Tupperware or toy kitchen
Eat breakfast, clean up…
GO OUT! Cafe, the park, shop, random scoot/walk, picking up sticks - anything! Little one naps in pram or carrier
Back home for lunch or eat at a cafe
Everyone naps
Inside afternoon - Lego, cars, play with doll house, little one will practice walking and wreck the Lego and I’ll try and do some reading to prevent too much of this
Outside afternoon - make ice lollies (yoghurt and fruit) and put in freezer before going out, play in garden - usually happy just running/crawling around, maybe bubbles or water, maybe I’ll do some gardening with the big one whilst the little one watches, eat ice lollies if hot
Dinner
Bit more Lego or running around - they tend to be a bit silly at this point!
Bath, books, bed

Usually my son comes into the bed for a cuddle. Sometimes we read a book. Then after a while we decide to get up, he uses the potty/toilet, we get him dressed, go into the kitchen, eat some breakfast, then he plays with his toys in the living room for a bit, then we realise it's time to go and we wrestle to get him to clean his teeth and put his coat and shoes on.

We never have too much time in the morning, it's always a bit of a rush.

In all honesty I think you can take the whole “no screens” too far. Rather than saying “no TV”, pick your battles and use it to your own advantage.

Our (now grown up) children had the TV on pretty much from 7am to 7pm everyday when they were younger however it was always CBeebies (educational) or the odd film. Largely they ignored it because it was just background noise. They would soon get bored and find something else to do alongside TV. If Fireman Sam came on, they pulled out their fire station and made their own game to go with it. When “I can cook” came on we would watch them make lunch then switch off and make our own lunch.

The only time there was no negotiation was meal time. Absolutely no devices- parents or children- and everyone sits to the table together (screen free room).

I’m pretty relaxed on TV. I see no issue with an episode in between other activities especially if it’s vaguely educational stuff. During meals it’s a hardline no- mostly we eat in the kitchen usually and there’s no TV in there so it’s simply not an option but if our layout was different I wouldn’t allow it anyway. DS usually gets a short episode (10-15 mins) of whatever after lunch so I can stack the dishwasher and have a quick coffee in peace. So I’d just say no and it’s after lunch. And stick to it. Tablet I didn’t allow until around aged 4 outside of plane travel or very, very long car journeys like when we drove to the south of France in a day. 2 is too young to regulate themselves. Lower your standards for eating out. When he can handle a queue up cafe for a juice and cake try pizza express, when he’s alright with that then try somewhere nicer. Take crayons and fidget toys. Go to the playground first to get energy out first.

Just don't take the tablet out with you, hell soon get used to it. And stop it at meal times. Habits can be broken as well as made. We used to keep simple games in the kitchen, connect 4 etc that we could play and chat over

I'd find out what activities were on in the local area tumble tots, toddler swimming, library events and go to that. Library visits several times a week for activities or just to read or do craft activities and change of scenery. Walk if possible to extend the journey and fit in naps in the buggy

Quiet time every afternoon with a drink and a couple of biscuits, I'd read to DD whilst she had some warm milk and a rich tea and then she would 'read' to herself/play quietly while I read my own book outloud to her and had tea. - Slowly extending the time so I got 30 mins in eventually - We continued this as she got older and learnt to read, taking turns to read to each other over tea and biscuits.

DD got a Barney DVD at 2pm every day (so I could snooze) and CBeebies bedtime hour.
Other than that we had music on or audio books.

Activity wise, simple board games and activities from ELC or orchard games, keeping in mind attention span is age + a minute or too. Always carry pen and paper with you or aquadraws.