Someone died and I'm devastated

Very gently OP, if you go NC with your family, this is likely to happen. This is one of the reasons it is such a hard option. Not that it is not sometimes justified, or the best option for your MH. And not that it is not hard if your truth is never acknowledged or agreed to.

When my mother was dying, we tried really hard to contact my brother. He never replied. We told him when she died. He did not respond. When my step father dies I wont bother - he has obviously made his choice and I have to respect that.

What are you actually mad about?

That you didn’t go to your nan’s funeral or that you didn’t get a share of the 2.4 million?

My siblings and I weren't informed of my either of my grandparents deaths. Some families are just shit.
As it's been over a year there sweet FA you can do but mourn in your own way.
Grief counselling/counselling may be helpful to you.

I think the thing is they either don't believe you or don't want to believe you.

And then (in their minds) you continued to chase them after your mum died, to try as convince them. Whether they just didn't want to know or if they felt it was unfair because she wasn't there to answer what you were saying, doesn't really matter, but it's clear they didn't want to talk about it.
If they agree with you then they have to face up to the fact that your mum is not the person they thought (and when they've died that makes it harder) and they didn't help you when it mattered.

So it would be difficult for them to contact you, especially if there was clearly going to be an issue of you'd been cut out of the will, because the last contact they had with you was you saying this.
I'm not saying it was right, but I can see how it would have been much easier for them not to tell you than raise the situation again.

Most reasonable families fall out and still contact each other, especially if someone has died.

If op was abused by her mother her whole family sounds completely unreasonable.

I'm sorry your family didn't support you when you disclosed abuse. That must have been incredibly difficult. I think you need to accept the other difficult thing, which is that if your nan had wanted you to inherit from her she would have made her will to reflect that. Its a great deal of money in her estate and she would no doubt have dealt with this through solicitors and had opportunity to make her wishes known. Your best bet is to seek help to deal with the impact of these relationships and process your anger at how you've been treated. Holding on to it will hurt you more.

Really fucking hurts when the truth is that you were wronged, but the person who wronged you denies it, turns it on you, and convinces everyone else to side with them. And those who don’t don’t care enough to stand up for you. I get it. And them not including you in the will shows they don’t care or want you.

why wouldn’t this woman be sad? It’s awful op and I’m sorry your mum abused you and your family is shit. I get it.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. Your post is quite confusing so it is difficult to work out the timeline of events - I can’t work out whether you brought up your mum’s abuse of you after her death? Your brother was also NC so he was also not told about your nan’s passing? Either way you were NC with that side of the family and for whatever reason this was triggered by you informing them of the abuse (must be a lot more backstory to this). Maybe they felt it was unfair for you to make accusations after your mum had passed away. So it is understandable why they would not inform you - although I do think that it was harsh not to let you know at the time. YANBU to feel upset about it. You have had a shock and now you need time to grieve and remember your Nan and the happy times you shared when you were younger. You can’t dwell on the money - your Nan ultimately chose to change her will.

I think maybe the issue is going on about the will? That shouldn't factor into this. I may be biased though as I've never had any inheritance (both parents alive), nor have I ever thought about it. It's someone else's money.

I am truly sorry you didn't get to say goodbye properly and the way your Mum treated you. I am NC with my Mum for similar reasons. I know her Mum left us something in her will (we were children so my Mum took it but I don't care), but I loved my Granny so much and even 30 years later I wish she was here or I'd gotten to give her a proper goodbye.

This is very odd. So the timeline is that you hadn't been in touch with your Grandmother for years and she didn't even know if you were married or had children.

Then in 2020, you contacted your Grandmother to tell her that her daughter (your mother) abused you and your brother.

In 2021, you reached out to extended family (on your mother's side) and was ignored by everyone.

In 2022, your Grandmother's will was changed and you think this was at the request of your aunts and uncles.

Your mother died in the midst of all of this and you invited lots of people to attend the funeral, some of which you hadn't seen for 5-10 years.

I'm sorry about the death of your Grandmother but are you sure that this isn't about the Will as it's odd to mention that she bequeathed £2.4million.

@hulahops88 have you been drinking? your post is really confusing and badly written!

Why dont you get a copy of the will to out your mind at rest about the money side. As for the relationship element, it’s tough to deal with.

Sorry to read of your mum's abuse and that you had no support from the wider family.

I don't know whether you did try to keep in touch with your nan, but it sounds as though you didn't stay in contact in the years before her death. And she would have been entitled to change her will. It sounds as though your mum's death came before you disclosed the abuse and your family stopped contact.

Was your brother in contact and in the will?

I’m sorry for your loss OP. She was obviously a key part of your childhood.

This makes no sense?

You went nc.
When my mil sadly dies we won't be telling my stepdaughter. Her choice to cut everyone off, she can't come and go when the occasion suits.

Sorry you feel aggrieved but that's a consequence of no contact

You're not unreasonable to feel you would have liked to go. But neither are they unreasonable in not wanting to invite you. Let's be honest, it sounds like it would have created a bit of an atmosphere that nobody would want, let alone at a funeral.

All about the money OP I think. I've gone (seriously) NC and didn't expect a penny. Admit to yourself that's why you're angry, deal with it and move on, because it sounds like any future contact from you will be blocked.

You had a family falling out and haven't seen any of them for years so it's quite reasonable that no one would contact you if one of them died.

Christ go easy people 😏 the post may be rambling but is there a need to stick the boot in? The op said her Mum abused her and people are saying "Your family cut YOU off"

I don’t think you can go NC and still expect to be included in a will. It sounds like there was a lot of bad feeling all round so it’s not that surprising. Would you be so upset if there was no cash involved?

Op hopefully you have/ you are making a life for yourself where you’re happy. You weren’t in contact, maybe not by your choice. I’m so sorry

No idea what it has to do with your dad or brother or whether they knew you had kids.

But, fundamentally you had not had much contact for around 4 years so no, this doesn't surprise me at all.

You set off a bomb in the family and they all sided against you which must be very distressing, but any individual could have contacted you at anytime if they wanted to, including your Nan. They didn't and sadly that's unlikely to change now.

It's quite long and rambling but if you are estranged from the family then why would you expect to be informed of a death or included in a will?