MIL inviting visitors to our home

So single parents are never allowed to have anyone over when they have children?

I think you'll find even paid childminders are allowed to have friends in for coffee. The idea that you can't care for a toddler and a 7yo whilst also having a coffee with a friend is bonkers. If anything, she will probably find the friends help, with an extra pair of eyes.

You have someone you don't like doing the childcare in your home?

I think that's the issue. If I had someone I trusted enough to do that, I'd trust them to have guests, in the same way that it would be perfectly Ok to have a friend round for coffee whole they cared for DC in their home.

If she's given much of her summer to looking after your DC for free, she should be able to have some social life around it too, in the same way that you'd presumably still see friends whilst caring for DC.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado my kids are 5 and 2, so no, I can't have friends over while I'm looking after them, because they need eyes on at all times.

My MIL will chat to anyone and everyone. She once said she'd take the kids for a walk down the beach. I had to run over as she'd stopped to chat to some random and not watched the small one fall over on some rocks. Similar at the playground. She gives all her focus to the person she's talking to and cannot multitask enough to keep the kids safe.

Quite apart from people I don't know in my house. I am totally with OP on this one.

I think it's delightful.
It's great that older and younger people can socialize.
Your kids will be interested to meet Granny's friend and Granny is super proud of the grandchildren.

Your husband knows these people so it's up to him be alert if it is someone not to his liking.

You could say that you are pleased her friend is known to DH as you would be uncomfortable with strangers in your home with the children.

Your MIL is lovely in many many ways but she isn’t welcome to use the toilets if she needs it when she is in your area?

I despair of being a MIL one day.

This isn’t something I would be at all bothered about with my MiL. She is doing me a favour by looking after the kids and if having a friend round for some of the time makes it a pleasanter experience for her then I’d be more than happy about it.

I don't see the argument that she can’t be looking after them properly if she has a friend round. She’s a grandmother watching her grandchildren in a family home, not a childcare provider being paid to make sure the Early Years Foundation Framework is followed. I don’t want looking after her DGC to be more of a chore for her than it has to be and I know having friends round made full days of looking after kids a lot easier for me.

But neither DH nor I have a strained relationship with my MiL. Is that more of the issue?

This is the second post I've read saying this, how is there more than one person who can't make a cup of tea or talk to someone else while looking after a child.

You didn't actually bring up your own children never doing those things did you? I can't fathom that at all

I wouldn't mind my MIL doing this, but I can't imagine her actually doing it, nor doing it without asking first. She even tells us who is going to lunch at her own house and if we are going, whether to invite other family or not! So I wouldn't mind safely in the knowledge this would never happen. We also don't request free childcare though, so there's that to balance matters. You can ask her not to bring others over so she can focus on the grandchildren, but be prepared not to get free childcare any more.

So... Do you NEVER have friends over/speak to a partner??

The parents should have considered the financial implications of having children before they had them, or they can modify their lifestyle in order for a parent to stay at home, or they can utilise the benefits system if needed, or Granny can tell the parents that she will only watch the child in her home so she can invite friends around when she pleases. What do you think parents do who don't have any free childcare available at all? They deal with it.

Granny is perfectly capable of being "comfortable" without inviting her friends into a home that doesn't belong to her without the homeowner's/parents consent.

I wouldn’t find this problematic at all.

Yeah - but if the granny announces that she isn’t going to be doing any more childcare, this is going to make things really hard for her children. If the DIL is expected in work on Monday at 8:30 (say) then that only works if the granny actually turns up.

If the granny is good enough to look after the children, she’s good enough to make herself comfortable in the family house.

Inviting someone into someone else's home even once is pure entitlement. The daughter-in-law isn't taking advantage of anything because the op has agreed. All she has to do is tell her daughter-in-law that she's no longer available to provide regular childcare. You can try to spin this any way you want to, the op is no victim here.

That's not entitlement. She did it once, she was told that she wasn't allowed to. She stopped. She didn't argue, she didn't invite the friend anyway. She just followed the rule.
The entitlement was on the other side. DIL feels entitled to treat her like an employee, despite taking advantage of free childcare that is saving her a fortune (and saving her drop off and pick up commutes to nursery)

It wouldn't bother me at all. I'd be glad she was enjoying herself. It will make her more likely to want to continue to watch the kids which would be in everyone's interests. She told the DH so it's not like she is sneaking around.

I know it's different but my step mom does something a little similar. She'll arrange to pop in for a cuppa but then sometimes bring other people with her ie her daughter in law, sister, neighbour and other friend have arrived In tow before.
I don't mind if I know but I hate the unexpected visits!

She feels that her doing her son and daughter-in-law the favour of childcare should allow her to have her friends in their home. That's entitlement.

You're making no sense. Where's the entitlement?

She did what most of the people in this thread want. She sucked up the rule and continued to provide free childcare.

It's not entitled, for her to feel sad that she was treated like an employee rather than a family member doing something helpful and kind, and free of charge.

No one has forced her to put up with her daughter-in-law's rules, of which the only one we've been told about is her not wanting strangers in her home.

Where has @moderndilemma shown any entitlement? Quite the opposite. She put up with her DIL's rules, but felt sad about how she was seen.

I don't understand your sense of entitlement.

and doing a favour doesn't give you rights over anyone's home or anything else.

I'm very lucky that I don't even need to think about it. My DD hugely appreciated my offer to have my DGD/s when she and her DH have shift clashes (the DGDs go to nursery part time, but it doesn't allow for quirks of their rotas). DD and son in law go out of their way to ensure that I'm not inconvenienced more than necessary, and that I'm happy with the arrangements. And I'm not given any rules that I have to abide by.

It's really hard to read some of the attitudes of posters on this thread, to grandparents who are being kind enough to help, and to save them money. There's no acknowledgement at all of what they're giving up to do so. Just demands, rules, and accusations of boundary crossing etc, because they have the nerve to invite a friend round for coffee. Some of you really don't deserve these women and their help.

Jeez! No one forced me to do it. I'm not a bloody martyr. I am part of a family and an extended community of family and friends.

I'm sorry but I do not understand your hostility.

@PemberleynotWemberley I wish you were my dil!