MIL inviting visitors to our home

Doing someone a great favour does not give them the right to take the piss. Inviting people to someone else's home is taking the piss imo

Wow. Impressive how low some people can stoop.

There speaks someone so short of babysitters they would agree to anything to get free child care!?

You need to stop sponging off your MIL and pay for childcare. Then you can specify all the rules that you want.

Would it be worth while to contact your house insurance? If you have your own visitors to your house, you are covered, but if your MIL invites people she knows and you have not invited, perhaps the circumstances are not the same..

If they have an accident on your premises, or something is lost or broken, if you have not asked your home insurance, you might not be covered.

It might be an easier way than rowing with mil.

So if there was a partner there would be two adults there - but because it’s a friend ( that DH knows) you are concerned? I honestly don’t see the issue at all. Maybe she feels more comfortable with a second adults’ support, maybe she wants to show off her grandchildren, maybe having someone else there means they can give the children attention whilst she makes lunch or vice versa. It’s not like they’re snooping around your house or partying? She’s providing free childcare - if she goes out to meet these friends for lunch presumably she is not then available for babysitting- your choice!! Sounds to me like she’s keeping her friends and family happy by multi tasking - but if you really object I’d say- however I can’t think how you could explain it without it seeming like you feel her friends are somehow questionable?!

Copy her and see how she feels if the shoe is on the other foot.. I’m a mum in law twice and I wouldn’t dream of it
people like her give us all a bad name sadly

I look after two of our granddaughters during the holidays sometimes at ours house sometimes at their parents in either case I wouldn't dream of inviting people over while looking after them. Our time together is precious and I concentrate keeping them happy and wouldn't want others around, I personally find it strange she should do this and rude.

Define few odd days - if it's 3 days over 6 weeks then no she she has plenty of time outside Childcare. if it's three days per week for 6 weeks then that is completely different.

YANBU

It is pretty disrespectful to invite people to someone’s home without asking if it is ok with them first, favour or not.

If something were to come up missing, you would have no idea who was there and how many people and if something were to happen on your property, you and your DH would be liable not your MIL regardless if you weren’t there.

No, I wouldn’t care about this.

I think she's rude not to ask.

She's treating it as her house.

It's posts like this that make me SO glad to only have daughters, and to understand completely why so many pregnant women hope to have girls.

This would really annoy me, my mil has done the same to me with my first born and second born, when my second was born I put my foot down and said no visitors unitll I say so and even then only immediate family. Pisses me off mil does not live with you msd has no right to interfere and invite people to your house.

Or, it could mean the children will be part of grown up conversations and socialise accordingly instead of being the centre of a very limited universe. MIL is childminding, not a hired children's entertainer.

Have you never had friends round when your kids are there? Do you not chat with anyone when your kids are present? If you have, then what is wrong with the grandparent doing the same?

So no SAHM is allowed to have anyone over for coffee or chats either using your reasoning. FFS

Means the grandchildren will be ignored while she chit chats with her mates not ideal

🤣🤣🤣
shit in your flowerpots
😂😂😂
now there’s an image!

Now I'm imagining a load of grannies on motorbikes roaring down the street as soon as the OP has gone to work. 😂

This. Assuming they are normal middle aged women and not Hell Angels or doing lines of coke, I wouldn't have any problem at all. For the same reasons it wouldn't occur to me that they might be unsafe/unsuitabe company for my children either.

I’m a grandma who has done various sorts of childcare for family over the years and whilst they always say “ of course, no problem, I always ask if they’d mind x/x and grandchild calling in. I think it’s basic good manners, they might be family and I have a key, but it’s not my house.
I also never use my key to let myself in without sending them a text “ just to let you know I let myself in to drop off xyz”
However I have adult children/step children who wouldn’t dream of telling me not to drink their best stuff!

I do think it's presumptuous to casually mention that you're having friends over to someone else's home rather than asking if it they would mind, even if you are doing them a favour. My home is my private sanctuary, so I wouldn't be overjoyed at the idea of people I didn't know coming over regularly, but I'd probably agree if I didn't have to interact with them. She is saving you a lot of money. However, the backstory of the strained relationship between your MIL and DH may change the dynamics and make it feel like a bigger issue than it would starting from a warmer, happier base level.

I totally understand why your not happy. It's an absolute invasion of your home and privacy.

When DC3 was a baby I asked MIL to babysit so I could take my then toddler to a toddler class. It was once a week for 2 hours over 6 weeks. I actually only asked her to give her a chance to bond with the baby.

She started inviting a family member and there toddler over without asking me or they would just turn up at my house.

I drew the line on the babysitting when my then toddler came home to find the family members toddler had been in his room upstairs, taken his favourite toys and was throwing a massive tantrum over being asked to give it back. His room was also a total mess and my own toddler was hysterical over his favourite toy being taken from his room when he was out.

I was absolutely furious as I had never given permission for MIL to invite anyone over and had definitely never given permission for her to let a very spoilt unruly toddler who had never been given any boundaries run about upstairs. I actually had left a bottle of bathroom cleaning products within reach of a toddler in the bathroom as I had not expected one in my house at that point.

After that I booked DC3 into dc2 old childminder for a morning a week so I could take dc2 to this group. DH couldn't figure out why i was so annoyed until i pointed out that his mother was not bonding with our child at all as she only had eyes for her golden grandchild when she is there, the house then needed cleaned again after me going out despite it being left spotless and she had no right to invite anyone to our home when we were not there let alone encourage there childminder to run around the upstairs of our home.