MIL inviting visitors to our home

Unnecessary to be rude because I have a different opinion than yours nor did I say that the MIL shouldn’t have people over. I said it is rude to invite people to someone’s home without asking them.

Stop being such a bloody idiot. HTH.

What does the clown face mean?

Soz MIL, you can't have a friend round, it'll invalidate my house insurance 🤡

If you trust someone enough to have your kids then you should trust the choices they make in who they ask around I suppose. My MIL did this and I did feel a bit strange but was ok with it

Perhaps you should read your own household policy. My insurers said I wasn't covered when the new key I ordered was lost in the post.

Insurers now will make any excuse to avoid paying out. I would have thought that common sense, nothing to do with stooping low.

How is it low?

It’s reasonable to make sure. Accidents happen all the time and people do unfortunately find out after the fact that they are liable for xyz when something happens on their property. Her MIL isn’t doing this at her own home, but at OP and her DH’s so if something were to happen, it would be effecting them financially and possibly their future coverage and that definitely wouldn’t help the already strained relationship between MIL and her son.

I wouldn't mind but I would expect to be asked first, 'Oh, would you mind if so-and-so dropped in for a coffee while I'm here?'. It's only polite.

I'd draw the line at three course lunches! And I certainly wouldn't be providing any food.

I don't think so. Making the house visitor ready just in case, sounds like be a faff and extra stress.

I would not look after someone else's DC in their house and invite people to their house.

I would have a conversation with my MIL and agree rules of engagement. I may compromise, if they didn't want to babysit anymore, I would make alternative arrangements.

I'm not sure people NEED company when providing childcare. Especially not for "a few odd days". Looking after toddler and 7 year old could be pretty full on.

I don't want to make my house ready for someone else's visitors. I would rather other people didn't bring extra people or invite people to my house.

I love having visitors and hosting. Parties are just not for me. I like dinners with groups of friends.

I didn't have any support when my DC were small. If help was contingent on people having company, I would make other plans.

Nonsense.

And it is good for children to not have guaranteed adult attention and interaction every time a thought crosses their minds. There is more to emotional and social needs than turning yourself into a human Siri or Alexa, always ready with a response.

I had a lock on my bathroom door, and when I used the loo or had a shower, I locked it. If I was on the phone, I had a rule that they could only interrupt me if the house was on fire. All my DCs survived and turned into mature adults despite me having ten minutes to inhabit my own head occasionally.

As a former SAHM who cleaned my house, cooked dinner almost daily, washed up, did odd painting jobs as needed, did daily laundry, and also took care of the garden while simultaneously with looking after five DCs from birth, I think you've overegged the pudding there. And I sometimes had friends over for coffee too.

It’s not about talking it’s about either being present with the adults and interacting or focusing on the children and being present. Doing both simultaneously isn’t possible and most adults prioritise not being perceived rude by other adults over the emotional and social needs of children.

Does she expect you to have enough food/drink for her friends? How can you know in advance? Do you have the impression she does this because she wants to see her friends, so in all innocence? Or do you think she does it to somehow......make a point? Just because she can? Maybe spite her son for some reason from the past? That would be malice, and in my opinion much worse. I wouldn't like it, but not make a big scene without talking it through with her, because yes, she does you a big favour too. Maybe you could ask her gently to not bring people to your house without talking it through with you and/or your DH?

What don't you like? Is it the fact that strangers , to you, are in your home or your children being at risk? Is She using your food to feed them or does She bring something with her.
She could arrange to meet them outside of your home but the children would still be with her or you could just say can you clear it with me if someone is coming for coffee/ lunch.
Or you could install a camera to keep an eye on everyone.

Another one who can't manage to hold a conversation safely in the presence of young children

Did you take a vow of silence when you had pre schoolers?

DD9 often comes home from staying with MIL telling me about visits to see Aunty Debbie etc….. family friends that DH knows and I’ve possibly met at some stage but don’t “know” as such. I trust MIL to keep DD safe.

If it was a friend who my DH knew and didn’t have an issue with then I’d not mind as she’s doing a favour. Most of MIL friends I know of and wouldn’t mind.

if it was a complete stranger to DH too, or a new acquaintance of MIL etc then I’d not be happy about it.

I would be ok with it as long as she asked beforehand.

Omg another MIL bashing thread. If it doesn't suit you pay for childcare

Hmmm old ladies can be trouble 🤣

Maybe get to know her friend a bit? I imagine the children would like some extra attention. MIL might be more relaxed and fun with a friend there. Much as I adore my grandkids it's even nicer if their auntie is there too.

Totally depends who is coming in.
A bunch of older ladies...I don't think thats taking the p*. They just sit and drink coffee and talk. Hardly that big a deal.

She was probably down to see her friends on that day, then you asked her so she kindly put herself out to do it, thinking the ladies just come to a different house.
It's not like they are going to wreck the joint. I don't know if there is a group id trust more in my house than a bunch of older ladies.
I think MIL is doing you a massive favour and definitely don't say anything. If you are so bothered sort out Ur own childcare and let her do her thing.

It depends what the issue is. If it’s that she’s having coffee with a friend while looking after your kids, YABU.

If it’s that you don’t want people in your house, just tell her that. Make it clear it’s about you (you don’t want to have to keep everything “visitor ready”, worry about your pants drying on a radiator, just aren’t comfortable me with it, etc.) rather than her. Be clear you’ll be increasing whatever expenses you give her to cover soft play, coffees, lunches, etc. so she can invite a friend along while she’s out the house rather than hosting them at yours.

This really 👌🏼

MILs are not people you can « just ask them to do it your way ». In any settings, you also wouldn’t. Either you have someone(s) whom agree to take all your directives (your mom, close friends, children mums friends, babysitters…etc.) or you have to take on board this irking feeling.

Good luck 🌺👌🏼