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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is fucking crazy

436 replies

itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow · 13/08/2024 15:46

We’re en route to a holiday rental in France. I wasn’t sure if the pool was shared or not between other guests so emailed the owner to ask. This is his reply - which I put in to google translate
Could you tell me if sharing the swimming pool with us who occupy the ground floor bothers you and for what reason? Recently we refused the rental because the wife and the two young daughters were veiled; are you english or muslim? We do not want you to make the trip and see yourself refused access to our property for reasons of displaying religious beliefs which are very resented by the neighborhood.

Fuck Fuck Fuck
What the hell do I do?
I am not a Muslim.
I am also not a racist.

OP posts:
Bellsandthistle · 15/08/2024 17:09

Why is it not considered discrimination or racist to demand women be veiled when visiting certain countries?

Grammarnut · 15/08/2024 16:57

FastFood · 15/08/2024 13:56

It's not exactly easy for French people to find job either though, unemployment is a problem for everyone.

Also, I really don't believe this diversity quota thing, it's not a thing in France, we don't collect data about race or ethnicity.

I can totally see how a lot of French people can be prejudiced to muslims, but the idea that "superbly french-speaking white English women" are systematically discriminated against is just a step too far.

I am not sure a diversity quota was a French requirement, but a requirement of the firm's home country.
Not sure whether to say France should collect such data or not - identity politics is a woke nightmare, so probably not.

AccountCreateUsername · 15/08/2024 15:34

beanii · 15/08/2024 10:47

This isn't racism.

It's discrimination - Muslim isn't a race.

Outdated and incorrect. Islamophobia is recognised as a type of racism. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

This is incorrect information that’s been repeated on this thread.

Mirabai · 15/08/2024 14:27

Also, I really don't believe this diversity quota thing, it's not a thing in France, we don't collect data about race or ethnicity.

That’s because France lacks racial awareness and wants to cover up things like deaths of poc in police custody.

AelitaQueenofMars · 15/08/2024 14:26

TriesNotToBeCynical · 13/08/2024 23:29

If she were to say the Israeli government were responsible it would be more reasonable.

Actually it wouldn’t, because the Israeli government and its actions in the last 12 months, which were specifically referred to, isn’t responsible for religious extremism dating back many years. To imply that the latter just popped up this last year was reductionist and simplistic, to put it mildly.

FastFood · 15/08/2024 13:56

Grammarnut · 15/08/2024 12:11

Not just non-whites (can't stand 'POC', sorry, it sounds racist to me). DD has a schoolfriend who loves France, speaks French superbly and has now married a Frenchman. When she arrived in France she could not get any employment, because she is English (and white, btw). She only found a job with an international company which took her on to fill their 'diversity' quota. That's France.

It's not exactly easy for French people to find job either though, unemployment is a problem for everyone.

Also, I really don't believe this diversity quota thing, it's not a thing in France, we don't collect data about race or ethnicity.

I can totally see how a lot of French people can be prejudiced to muslims, but the idea that "superbly french-speaking white English women" are systematically discriminated against is just a step too far.

notimagain · 15/08/2024 13:53

Grammarnut · 15/08/2024 13:16

This is pre-Brexit, though. Were they so difficult about qualifications then?

Yes.

There’s no doubt Brexit has made it worse but even prior to lots of French employers were wary of non French quals.

That said are some Brits and other non French nationals happily work locally in some professions but AFAIK they’ve had to go back to school at least to some degree to get French qualifications.

Have to say It’s probably easier as a Brit you have a niche/very specialist job, FWIW one of the most famous football presenters on Canal+/beIN is very much English.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darren_Tulett

Grammarnut · 15/08/2024 13:16

notimagain · 15/08/2024 12:22

@Grammarnut

That might be down to race, OTOH it can be down to French companies sometimes being quite bad at recognizing non-French academic qualifications and/or recognizing equivalency.

I know quite a few youngish Brits largely raised here and probably more importantly schooled here who have got jobs with French employers OK.

This is pre-Brexit, though. Were they so difficult about qualifications then?

notimagain · 15/08/2024 12:22

@Grammarnut

That might be down to race, OTOH it can be down to French companies sometimes being quite bad at recognizing non-French academic qualifications and/or recognizing equivalency.

I know quite a few youngish Brits largely raised here and probably more importantly schooled here who have got jobs with French employers OK.

Grammarnut · 15/08/2024 12:11

theemmadilemma · 15/08/2024 10:24

Ha, I was just discussing with my (French) husband last night that most of the UK are entirely naive about how racist the French are towards Muslims and POC.

So entirely possible it was meant as received.

Edited

Not just non-whites (can't stand 'POC', sorry, it sounds racist to me). DD has a schoolfriend who loves France, speaks French superbly and has now married a Frenchman. When she arrived in France she could not get any employment, because she is English (and white, btw). She only found a job with an international company which took her on to fill their 'diversity' quota. That's France.

beanii · 15/08/2024 10:47

This isn't racism.

It's discrimination - Muslim isn't a race.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 15/08/2024 10:27

Greigeisthelatestbeige · 15/08/2024 10:10

Yep it’s always a silly argument to say western people must accept other people’s rules but the reverse must not apply.

When Muslim countries can make their own ‘laws’ without abiding or adhering to human rights, there really isn’t a point in even discussing legalities.

You misunderstand. it's not about western vs muslims. I think wherever you go, be it Japan, Algeria, Brazil, USA, France, Italy, you should accept and follow local customs and laws.

It is not a law in France to ban the hijab, so what are you even talking about. It's like if I went to any country and the owner of Air bnb told me he likes his guests to walk around naked. It's not a custom, it's not a law, but they just prefer naked people to clothed. The owner of the op's accomodation has a preference to host white guests.

itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow · 15/08/2024 10:26

theemmadilemma · 15/08/2024 10:24

Ha, I was just discussing with my (French) husband last night that most of the UK are entirely naive about how racist the French are towards Muslims and POC.

So entirely possible it was meant as received.

Edited

Raises hand for naivety

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 15/08/2024 10:24

Ha, I was just discussing with my (French) husband last night that most of the UK are entirely naive about how racist the French are towards Muslims and POC.

So entirely possible it was meant as received.

itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow · 15/08/2024 10:22

We are still here and it’s really lovely. Just trying to put it to one side and learn from the experience.
Incidentally I was chatting to teenage DD yesterday about injustice (which sounds very worthy but actually we were working through her profound disappointment and outrage that I declined her request to buy her a Longchamp bag) and I was heartened that she already knew ‘Islam says if we see injustice, we should try to challenge it with our actions; if we can't, then we should try to challenge it with words; and if we can't, then we should challenge it in our heart’.
She said ‘I knew that in Primary!’ and I thought well, you’re a few steps ahead of me and how great that you’ve grown up knowing that.

OP posts:
Greigeisthelatestbeige · 15/08/2024 10:10

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 15/08/2024 08:49

This is an incredibly silly argument. Because they didn't say abd it's not illegal to wear a hijab in France, so op would not be breaking any laws even if she was.
It's also funny you accuse her or bypassing principles, would you be prepared to take a £££££ hit out of your hard earned money and holiday? It's obviously easy to tell other people to miss out.

Yep it’s always a silly argument to say western people must accept other people’s rules but the reverse must not apply.

When Muslim countries can make their own ‘laws’ without abiding or adhering to human rights, there really isn’t a point in even discussing legalities.

Nowstrong · 15/08/2024 10:07

How did your stay go OP?

MarkWithaC · 15/08/2024 09:59

Itdistractsfromthenow · 13/08/2024 20:31

I never check out the personal opinions of people I book holidays with or purchase any service from. Never once have I sent a list of all my core beliefs and asked the seller to confirm they are of the same view before I hand over my money.

I doubt anyone on this thread does

Just enjoy your Holiday.

She wasn't checking out his opinion, she was asking about the pool. His answer revealed that he holds objectionable views ('are you Muslim or English?' Hmm )
and may also be illegal (I'd be interested in clarification on whether laïcité rules do apply in this scenario ie is the pool/house area classified as public or private space?

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 15/08/2024 08:49

Greigeisthelatestbeige · 14/08/2024 20:07

Yet your ‘principles’ were put to one side in favour of having a holiday. If you really felt so strongly about it, you would have foregone the holiday. I am saying that the apparent outrage is yet not enough to move accommodation.
I would not choose to go to Iran or the ME in a million years. However if I ended up there I would not be allowed to wear whatever I wanted to wear (and I would respect that) so I have no issue with western countries imposing the same rules.

Edited

This is an incredibly silly argument. Because they didn't say abd it's not illegal to wear a hijab in France, so op would not be breaking any laws even if she was.
It's also funny you accuse her or bypassing principles, would you be prepared to take a £££££ hit out of your hard earned money and holiday? It's obviously easy to tell other people to miss out.

Inyournewdress · 15/08/2024 01:16

You’ve nothing to feel bad about OP, it’s not your fault you found all this out en route. You ‘d not even have known had it not been for a chance question about the pool.

hope you all have a lovely time

AccountCreateUsername · 14/08/2024 22:29

@itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow don’t listen to goady racism apologists. Have a great time with your family and leave his message verbatim in your review.

Fuck him and his ilk, I think there are more of us decent minded folk than bitter racists.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Especially those who don’t think his racism is a problem Flowers

itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow · 14/08/2024 20:23

Greigeisthelatestbeige · 14/08/2024 20:07

Yet your ‘principles’ were put to one side in favour of having a holiday. If you really felt so strongly about it, you would have foregone the holiday. I am saying that the apparent outrage is yet not enough to move accommodation.
I would not choose to go to Iran or the ME in a million years. However if I ended up there I would not be allowed to wear whatever I wanted to wear (and I would respect that) so I have no issue with western countries imposing the same rules.

Edited

Correct.
I did not cancel the holiday.
That would have been the morally and ethically right thing to do but my family also want/have paid for a holiday. We would have had to go home and I’m not sure who that would have benefitted. The owners of the villa would have kept the money.
I'm not saying I feel ok about all of this. I don’t.

OP posts:
YogaForDummies · 14/08/2024 20:23

itstheendoftheworldasweknowitnow · 14/08/2024 19:56

What???
No they weren’t.
They were saying that if we were veiled then we would be asked to leave because veils are not acceptable to them or the wider community.
it’s got fuck all to do with the swimming pool.

So it's racist when western countries have dress codes but not racist when middle Eastern countries do, OK OP carry on.

OrchardBlack · 14/08/2024 20:20

BargingOnBy · 13/08/2024 15:54

This. No need to pretend to be woke about it.

What does Woke even mean?
He's written blatantly racist remarks.
Don't have to be 'Woke' to think that's messed up.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/08/2024 20:16

They've been there for 50 years? Probably still seen as 'incomers' by some!