Friend shamed me for feeling exhausted.

I wouldn’t waste any time meeting with your „friend”. Just explain that you’re busy „getting on with it” and leave it at that.

I remember these years, driving kids to parks and forest walks. 2 year gap and younger has ASD. They were recharging the batteries sleeping on the way back to be bouncy again after a nice nap in the car and episode of grumpiness after being woken up. Followed up by another trip outside and late night- remember they slept in the car? In the meantime laundry,shopping,meals,tidying up and the house was still like a fucking bombsite.

Some kids are more clingy/active/boisterous than others. Luck of the draw which one you’re going to end up with.

Hat off to you OP but don’t beat yourself up. It will pass (how I hated this phrase).
Choose to whom you can safely vent to and carry on.

I mean - she sounds mean but why is she saying it? Has she got no help and is struggling with it herself? I had zero help and 2 under 3 at one point, no parents and both work full time - my sister in law had help daily and still complained how tired she was…. I always thought was was a bit odd.

We don't have any local family, and only one family member who is willing to babysit the kids. I can quite literally count the number of evenings out I've had with myself husband is 8 years. It's about 5. Two overnights and the last one was nearly 6 years ago. It's not easy. We have tried to take time off from time to time when kids in nursery/school, go for lunch, have a nap. It's small but makes a difference.

We clearly have very different 2 year olds 😭

But you can you clean and tidy with a 2 year old around. OK, obviously not a deep clean but keeping on top of things, sorting the odd cupboard out, etc. They can 'help' by going through the pan cupboard 😁

Sounds abit judgemental to me.

TBH though I dont have kids but Im assuming its abit like with a new puppy...they completely take over your life at first then when they get abit older and more independent you finally get some breathing room and remember why you wanted them in the first place again!!😆

Your friend probably has a girl! I know people will say it's not sex based but my general observation is that girls are easier as toddlers. Although they make up for it at the tween/teen age.

My DS was similar to yours. Advice I was given was 2 long walks a day in order to tire him out and then also you need to train him that you aren't available 24 hours a day. I used to tell DS that if I had my coat on it was emergencies only. I think I got that from here! But it meant that he'd trot out to the kitchen and then say - oh still got the coat on and he'd go back. DS still jokes about that now he's 18. But it meant I could get 10 mins peace after coming in from shopping or a walk or whatever.

She doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

Could you afford another day in childcare and grandparents take them a day at the weekend instead.
Otherwise you and DH need to tag team, one of you with toddler one of you doing basic chores then swop. My DH used to take ours to the in-laws every 2nd Sunday afternoon, I rarely went I used the time to catch up, in-laws couldn’t manage the kids on their own but were a back up for my DH as our kids ran wildly round their very large garden for the afternoon, other times I’d take them to soft play or similar and DH would crack on with chores at home.

It is exhausting
I've had to get up 3 times at the behest of my 2 year old whilst attempting to read this thread. Have given up and skipped to the end.
I also have a 6 year old so I know that it does get easier and it will for you.

4th interruption

I massively dropped housekeeping standards and made sure I got sleep whenever I could.

Having said that, my eldest napped for two hours every afternoon until they were three 😍 and I used to get in pjs and under the covers!!!

It will get better, but don’t beat yourself up about shit like decorating. Just focus on your lovely little boy. The rest can wait.

But it's fine to still have a moan about it to a friend. Surely.

Yanbu I have an almost 2yo and an 8yo. The 8yo is sooo easy, no work really and plays with the 2yo a lot too. But dh and I are absolutely broken. I'm also in my 40s so being an older mum definitely contributes. Our baby had a few health issues as well so that took its toll. It is so bloody hard.

I see and hear you (I have 4...2 who are neurodiverse), the best thing I was given was this poem
Dust If You Must by Rose Milligan
Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better To paint a picture, or write a letter, Bake a cake, or plant a seed; Ponder the difference between want and need?
Dust if you must, but there's not much time, With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb; Music to hear, and books to read; Friends to cherish, and life to lead.
Dust if you must, but the world's out there With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair; A flutter of snow, a shower of rain, This day will not come around again.
Dust if you must, but bear in mind, Old age will come and it's not kind. And when you go (and go you must) You, yourself, will make more dust.

Forget the house, it will still be there. Lean into it this is a bloody exhausting phase. It will get better, you will feel better and you are a good mum (if you weren't you wouldn't be questioning yourself because you wouldn't care). Nobody has it all together, pictures are snapshots in time not their whole lives. You've got this!!

Even if you're being dramatic.. (not saying you are) can't you talk to your friend and have a moan... isnt that what friends are there for.. a bit of sympathy or some hints and tips (seen as she knows so much better and you're dramatic) would have been a much nicer response.

Of course it is as that's the only option for everyone, including those in the most horrendous situations, but that doesn't mean that we should be incapable of acknowledging other people's struggles.

I am always deeply suspicious of those that seek to demean other people or are desperate to insist that something that takes a hell of a lot of effort and energy is easy.

Day date with your husband. My inlaws advised us to do this, a couple of times a year they would send the kids to nursery and take a day of annual leave. Advised us to go somewhere out the house so we couldn't start on the housework. We went for a long walk, lunch, cinema. Do it before they hit school age and you need all your leave to cover childcare in the holidays!

Honestly (teen mom here) it gets so much easier and this difficult period (where you are all consumed by your child) will end so good easy on yourself in relation to decorating etc . You're doing well if you get the cleaning done. Anything you can afford to do to make your life easier just do it. Lower your standards, ignore people who are having a different experience to you, who knows why she was a dick - jealously, lower standards, projection, easier child etc etc. basically you need to survive this time x

My life when had first child, except no parents to help and no date night in first two years.

house is more chaotic than I ever thought possible. But life is full of joy and exhaustion,

You’re friend is a dick. It’s not like you can just put in for annual leave from being a parent - it’s full on mentally and physically. Two is a prime age when they’re great fun, but my god there is no sense of self preservation!

firstly, it does get better, you start feeling like you have time to do things and hear your own thoughts again. Secondly, it’s great that you’re so appreciative of the help from GP’s but I really think you should broach the idea of them babysitting, even at yours for the ease of having everything to hand, just as a very occasional thing to let you both feel like you have a semblance of a life outside of your parent roles.

I had literally zero help (no family and a newborn in a new area) and it was shit, but at least I could book annual leave if I desperately needed a chunk of time. I bet you can’t do that without feeling guilty if your parents are looking after your toddler.

You are exhausted and your friend should be empathetic. I don’t get why someone would answer like that.
I have three older kids but we’ve never even had a second of help from any family . I sometimes feel I can’t say I’m absolutely exhausted as my kids are all older but we are (late 30’s so not that old). I have felt the lack of any support more acutely actually as my kids have gotten older. I once said to a family member when I was struggling (3 dcs under 6 and my dh was away for work ) and I had two v bad sleepers and they basically said I wasn’t in Yemen so just to deal with it , I’ve never forgotten that. They certainly didn’t and haven’t ever offered help.Some people just aren’t empathetic or just dont want to help so don’t want to hear it .

Your friend is being a dick. A 2 year old is relentless, I'm a single mum to a high energy one, I'm permanently exhausted!

When my twins hit age 2 as a single parent it felt never ending - that and working full time - an older child and them not sleeping - have to say now heading into age 4 the crazy period seems to be over a little bit and they do sit and play and watch tv long enough to give me a break (well a break for me!)

I've always done DIY so mine are quite happy to watch me decorate and fix things and like to ask questions or have their own toy tool kit out and I'll involve them a bit

It does help having more than one child though as they do all play together long enough for me to grab a shower or coffee