Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

I’ve known teens step back from a particular sports path and return in different ways later. That might be at uni or as an adult. We have to trust them to have enjoyed how sport made them feel and for them to look for that later. Might be something new or at a less competitive level but still so good for their health and well-being

Please listen to her. I have seen so many kids who are only doing one sport at a high level left with nothing when they quit. Mine all did multiple sports. DD eventually quit swimming when she realised that upcoming exams meant she would have to either quit swimming or quit everything else (ballet and drama). Mind you, she took up gymnastics then...

Sport is so good for teens, particularly girls. If she can keep active at a decent level it will stand to her. I know what you mean about the investment though. You presumably have made friends and built relationships with other parents within the sport. It's hard to let that go.

I'm not sure pushy is the right word, but yes you have to have parents behind them.

The child has to have a natural talent at something and a desire to do it, but if parents aren't involved then that's it.

There's also a lot of things that you only get into through your parents. If you never get to try something, you never know if you're good at it. Sometimes I wonder about all the people who could be Gold medalists in pole-volting, bouldering or show jumping but have never got the chance.

There are so many sports, musical instruments and other activities that children never have a chance to try.

That train quote is lovely.

Pushy only gets you so far. You can have all the money and support avail but the fast-twitch muscles, or amazing voice to get a kid to the top of their field is outside parental control

I would replace the word pushy with invested and say that the answer to the question is an undeniable 100% yes

It depends on what you mean by pushy.

Two of mine swam at a reasonably high level but were never going to be elite. I saw lots of swimmers with potential. Those with pushy parents (pushy in the sense they pushed the kids) generally burnt out and quit. Those with parents who pushed for the supports and environments their dedicated dc needed to succeed while also protecting the dc from the excessive pushiness of coaches and clubs were much more likely to succeed. I would class that type of parent as supportive though rather than pushy.

The flip side is how incredible it is to succeed if you don't have dedicated parents. Daley Thompson and Dele Ali spring to mind, I can't think of many others. Simone Biles' trajectory is also incredible, I'm sure her grandparents were very dedicated but her start in life wasn't.

I think it depends on the sport as well - some are definitely more demanding than others - swimming seems to involve a great deal of effort, whereas when my son was competing at a good level in athletics he was "only" training 4 times a week, at civilised times of day!

We went to a few training camps but I didn't really see it as "sacrificing holidays", it was just something we did in the odd half term break (usually February).

I didn't feel like we were sacrificing things. We occasionally had to drive him to a competition and buy a pair of new shoes. I think his coach was the real heroine - she gave up loads of her time for her coachees (and still does).

Not necessarily pushy, but supportive... And either with connections or well off.

The children have to want it too though ; it's tough at the top.

“Pushy”‘ suggests pushing others out of the way. But I would agree there needs to be an incredibly organised and supportive parent. I can draw parallels with music or drama: the children absolutely at the top are naturally gifted but also have parents with the time and resources to take them to the extra lessons, the special holiday camps etc

I think it’s very hard for a child to excel without a parent willing to facilitate it whether that’s through supporting practice, driving to classes etc. I remember one of the England footballers said he was massively grateful to his sister for taking him on 2-3 buses every evening to his academy classes. His sister presumably sacrificed an awful lot to do that.

Some sports will be easier than others to pick up later in which case there will be more about internal drive but I bet the adults that pick up things like rowing were doing lots of other sports as children to a reasonable level.

My daughter does tennis and it seems like unless you’re on a county pathway by 8 you’re not going to make it. Realistically the kids that get spotted will have probably started at 3/4 and be having private coaching by 7. They alone is going to be massively expensive.

This is the case with my 9 year old. She's talented at one sport she does and the reason we do so much activity is because she is just a whirlwind. She doesn't sleep unless exhausted from loads of activity and if she isn't at a club she's doing pull ups on the door frames, back flipping off the settee etc.

No idea where the sport will take her but the plan is for her to keep being sporty into adulthood as I know it's one thing that keeps her mental health stable (she's an anxious girl).

No idea, what others do with their children does not have to be about me and mine

Maybe people need to put others down to make themselves feel better?

I think pushy is the wrong word. In my experience, successful children have parents ( or parent) who go the extra bit to help put opportunities their way and encourage them to reach high be it with emotional, practical, financial support, or all three.

I agree op, but it’s not just sport. I was talking to someone and I said I thought riding parents were the pushiest until my daughter started doing music competitions (NOT the Tchaikovsky piano prize, just local festivals and eisteddfods). He said you haven’t experienced dance competition parents……

Not necessarily. In some cases, definitely. I know one and can't stand her. Her child is just a little meat machine destined for Olympic glory so she can feel proud of something because she didn't do much with her own life. She doesn't give a shit what he wants or likes. He once tried to tell her he has no desire to enter the Olympics, but she just laughed at him. Unfortunately for him, he has talent and she trains him from 5am every day. He'll rebel.

But then there are parents who are highly responsive and assist their children, moving heaven and earth, sacrificing hours and money to enable a child's true passion to go as far as it can. I admire those parents.

One of the Olympians said during lockdown her mum had said to her, 'Those athletes on TV, you used to train with all of them. Sure you don't want another try?' I think she'd just won a gold - definitely a medal. I thought - that's a great parent - giving a nudge to an adult child to ensure a dream didn't slip through their fingers.

I know a gold medal winning Olympian. It was 100% all them wanting it. They were very lucky to have incredibly supportive parents who made the time (and had the money) to enable their training etc but certainly didn’t push them into the sport at all.

I don't see there being an issue supporting your child with a sport or activity that they genuinely show interest and aptitude in. Where it becomes uncomfortable is when you see parents pushing things on kids that they've chosen for them. As parents we have a responsibility to be open-minded and flexible, and to expose kids to new activities and experiences so that they then can make an informed decision about what they like best. Then we can support them in that activity. If children are forced down a certain path my experience and observation is that generally, they not only reject said activity in later life but choose to live in a way that opposes it.

This same philosophy goes for lifestyle choices as well. Lots of children who have been forced to church (for example) reject it later on. My DH is one of them. He would say he's not averse even to going to church, it's just that being forced into strict attendance every Sunday plus lots of other commitments (he comes from a devout Catholic family) has turned him against it. My father chose a political path that was in direct opposition to his father's. A friend I know who was brought up in a meticulously clean and middle-class environment with a strict mother has chosen non-conformity in almost every way since leaving home. She lives in a way that her mother despairs of and as a result they barely speak!

Human beings are complex creatures and parents need to treat very carefully, respecting decision-making and self-advocacy from an early age.

I agree. I watched the Beckham documentary on Netflix and was surprised at how much he was driven as a child by his dad. Everyone talks about his ‘natural’ talent and his talent as a footballer was undeniable, but I’m sure he’d be just an ordinary bloke now if his parents had thought to give him a more balanced ‘normal’ childhood.

I can’t remember which one, but one of the Olympic Irish swimmers thanked his mum for getting up at 4.30 every morning to drive them to swimming training. I think of course in some cases it’s pushy parents, but if the child doesn’t have the passion and love for it I would think there’s less possibility. I think it’s a mixture of a focused, hardworking, dedicated child and a supportive parent