Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

I'm sure you must be wrong. One of my dc is very high achieving, and we didn't take a position on his choices at all, on the basis that they were his choices.

I think you're doing an amazing job.

Part of parenting is encouraging well rounded children and supporting them to be the best they can be.

I wonder what difference it would make to world record times if everyone in the world had the opportunity to train for those events at a young age.

Some parents are pushy. But ultimately kids aren't going to become sporting geniuses unless a) they really really want to do it and b) they have some natural talent for it.

I think a lot of parents call other parents "pushy" because they are embarrassed that their kids are not making it and need to come up with some negative reason why other kids are more successful. it can't be that the successful kids are more talented or harder working than their kids, it must be the "negative" way the pushy parents are bringing them up by forcing things on them.So they get to blame other parents for why their kids are not achieving, because the ones that are are hothousing. Maybe easier to do this that to face up to your own kids lack of talent or your own poor parenting.

I had this to a degree at school. I was pretty successful at academic subjects at school but my parents were labelled pushy but they were not really that bad at all and pretty much left me to it. It was just that I was pretty good at lots of things and had natural talent (sport wasn't one of them).

But you also sacrifice time and family resources for your other children as well.

I have a DC that was naturally very good at her sport , she gave it up at 13 the age when the need to train really picks up as she didn’t love it . From the outside looking in I saw dedicated parents supporting their children not pushy parents . Only the DC themselves can do the training it takes to be exceptional

As others have said, it’s not about being pushy; it’s about being willing (and able) to spend hundreds a month on training and petrol to get them everywhere they need to be, it’s about being willing to sacrifice your own time and couple time and family time, it’s about being their biggest supporter and their soft landing place when things don’t go well.

What DH and I have actually noticed is that the kids of the genuinely pushy parents don’t go far. The parents push and push and the kids might get through say the swimming levels very quickly but any love for swimming gets lost along the way. We’ve got two kids who compete at a high level for their sport and pushy parents at these levels are rare, but I’ve seen loads of them in the lower levels of the sports as the kids have worked their up.

Well done. I think you're amazing. Too many people think that trying hard, putting yourself out wil damage.your kids .

@LaeralSilverhand and other PPs you’ve made me think of Matthew Syed’s: Bounce.

Nah, but it does require supportive parents, particularly in the UK where access to sports facilities is very uneven, and public transport is shit.

There's also the geographic luck of the draw - there's not going to be many world class mountainbikers from Norfolk, or county-level swimmers living 50 miles from the nearest 50m pool. There are only six indoor velodromes in the whole of the UK - unsurprisingly all of our track cyclists grew up within easy reach of them.

It’s everything though as pp said. Parents have to be prepared to give up time, money etc. I wouldn’t be getting up at 4.30am to take my dc swimming personally but others will think it’s worth the sacrifice.

Still needs the environment to be able to access the teaching (like taking them to school every day, not constantly telling the kid 'School's shit and those teachers are idiots', possibly doing reading and spellings, buying resources or making them at home, setting questions or projects where there isn't anything left to do from school, allowing books, giving permission to do additional activities, making sure they're properly fed and clothed, not giving them a thump for thinking they're something special, not training them to never, ever mention how crap it is at home in case somebody intervenes).

Goes on at secondary, too - making sure they have somewhere to study, going on the trips, doing the activities, having the equipment, agreeing for them to stay on at school past 16, paying for UCAS applications, completing the parents' part of the grant forms, not telling them that university's not for kids like them.

Academic success is absolutely dependent upon parental contribution irrespective of natural ability.

Supportive parent, rather than pushy IMO.

I really wish my parents had been "pushy" or more supportive /invested whatever you want to call it. I have a natural talent for sports and athletics without any real training. I have been watching the Olympics and it got me thinking about this, I'm not resentful of my parents, but I wish I'd been given opportunities for clubs and extra curricular activities.

I'll never push my son into doing something he doesn't like, but I'll be giving him opportunities to try new things , and if he likes something then we will stick with it and support him, as long as he enjoys it. He's into football and golf at the moment but he's still young.

There are exceptions. But for most sports at Olympic level it means the family puts the times and resources into one child. The other children trail behind.

Sport though, I am no good at any Sport.

I like watching some sports such as Gymnastics, Diving and Ice Skating.

You sound a great Mum.

I am often complimented on my spelling and that is mainly down to Mum. Dad got a job and was offered a promotion back in the 1970s but his spelling was not up to much, so a few evenings a week Mum would do spelling tests for Me and for Dad, and as I was in Primary school it helped me as well.
It helped both of us throughout Life.

Agree with whoever said it's sometimes parents finding an outlet for a very high energy, high needs, emotional child. I will drive my DC to training twice a week and games on weekends and take them to practice whenever they want because they need that level of exercise, they are obsessed with it and it's a huge part of their identity. having started school during covid and missed out on so much socialising and education as a result the fact that they have a sport they love and a club they belong to is a huge relief and I will do anything to support it because frankly it keeps us both sane. I feel like my DC learn a huge amount from sport too and it's making them more resilient. There are definitely parents on the sidelines who are pushy, aggressively so, but the other parents just ignore them and most that I see support their kids because they know it's good for them to be in a team. Who knows who will end up going professional? That's also about geography and luck.

@Lincoln24 & Fatima Whitbread.

David Beckham is an interesting example where he might not have been the most naturally talented footballer (?) but steely resolve & endless practice & determination made him a success story (?)

Dd is on track to become an elite athlete if she wants to. She has several goals she wants to hit first and then see where it takes her, she may change her mind.

I have been a pushy parent- when she injured herself and needed an operation ASAP, I had to push the NHS every step of the way, but other than that that, I've tried for supportive and encouraging.

I came to an agreement with her coach many years ago that I will leave the coaching to him, and he's to leave the parenting to me. Sometimes, those lines blur. His job is to push her, mine is to ensure her health and wellbeing. He will debrief her after a competition, I will share her joy or despair.

pushy parent means getting up at 4am to take them training and driving around the country to competitions

This. To do that you need a SAHM orSAHD or a nanny. It's an immense time and money commitment. I know a couple of "elite" athletes and their lives revolved around the sports from a very early age.

Key thing here is you having her back when coaches try to dissuade her from cutting back. Their focus is the club, with individual athletes coming a distant second.

What is the sport she wants to cut back on? Cutting back is easier with some sports than others.

I think motivation is intrinsic in the child. It's a mix of talent and training.
I wouldn't have got up at 5 in the morning week in, week out to take them to swimming practice.