Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

I dont think you have to be pushy. I supported my son to a high level in sport and I wasn't pushy in terms of making him do it or pushing for opportunities.

But I did have to pay for stuff and drive round loads and sit for endless training sessions.

Of course they’re impacted but the point the PP was making was that it doesn’t mean other DC don’t get opportunities or miss out on their dreams and passions. And as a family you work really hard to lessen the impact and to ensure that each child gets as much attention, one on one time, support, etc.

“Pushy is just shorthand for supportive”.

I disagree with this slightly. A pushy parent puts their desires first. There was a thread recently about a mum wanting her dd to continue playing an instrument, even though the child wanted to give it up. This is being pushy. A supportive parent would accept their child’s decision.

Family member is an Olympic swimmer and his parents were supportive rather than pushy. He is an only child which makes it easier I think. They also lived near the training pool which helped, although there were lots of early mornings until he could drive himself!

For those saying families of elite athletes have to sacrifice other family members dreams, I disagree. Some parents might choose to do this, but it isn't the norm.

Unless all your dc do the same sport how can a sibling not be impacted?

Pushy is just shorthand for supportive, willing to make sacrifice etc as they are prioritising the sport or pop career over other things.

I think a lot of parents call other parents "pushy" because they are embarrassed that their kids are not making it and need to come up with some negative reason why other kids are more successful. it can't be that the successful kids are more talented or harder working than their kids, it must be the "negative" way the pushy parents are bringing them up by forcing things on them.So they get to blame other parents for why their kids are not achieving, because the ones that are are hothousing. Maybe easier to do this that to face up to your own kids lack of talent or your own poor parenting.

Why is it poor parenting to not want to get up at 5am to take your dc to a sport or not sacrifice your own career because you need time for auditions etc. Plenty of parents make sacrifices & their dc don’t reach sporting glory or lead actor roles etc

@Breakdancing I was a track & field athlete - unfortunately can’t comment on price etc as I lived in the States and all was done through school. We did a lot of fundraising as a team to travel to meets. What I can say was that it was brilliant experience for me and I still run a lot now 20 odd years later which has obviously been great for my physical health throughout my life.

I wouldn’t be prepared to have an 12 year old miss loads of school for gymnastics to do 30 hours a week training as the chances of making it are so slim but lots of the track athletes seem to go to university or US college and combine education with sport, same for some of the team sports.

Granted it won’t be open to many, but US athletics scholarships are also a not uncommon route for elite gymnasts from the UK.

The sibling thing is also interesting. My eldest is desperate to up her swimming hours but that means some very late nights for my 5yo and I’m not prepared to do it yet until she’s old enough to join club sessions and can cope better with a later evening. It would have to be much easier with an only and no-idea how people would manage if they were one of 3 or 4.

The other challenge is the risk of compromising grades for sports that aren’t so financially lucrative. The GB long jumper seemed to be heading back to work pretty quickly after the Olympics and while being 5/6 in the world is amazing, it won’t pay the bills but he was able to keep his options open and get to a high level while having a more normal career. Some sports don’t offer that. I wouldn’t be prepared to have an 12 year old miss loads of school for gymnastics to do 30 hours a week training as the chances of making it are so slim but lots of the track athletes seem to go to university or US college and combine education with sport, same for some of the team sports. I’d be far happier to support a sport that allowed for an education as well.

I’ve been following some of the top junior tennis players and hadn’t realised how much international competition they’re doing by 12/13 and how many do home school to manage the schedule. It’s a massive gamble as If you hit top 50 the money will be worth it, but if you’re a pro in the 250 range you’re probably broke with limited options.

Dd doesn't do athletics so unfortunately not. She ran the 1500m in school and hated it.

For those saying families of elite athletes have to sacrifice other family members dreams, I disagree. Some parents might choose to do this, but it isn't the norm.

Dh and I split our resources when our dc were small, ensuring that each of our dc were able to do the activities they wanted (within budget). What we spent on one, we spent on the others, but on different things depending on the hobby. We wouldn't agree to something for one of them, if the others couldn't have a similar for their needs.

One of mine has represented the UK in 2 different disability sports in 6 different countries. Between 11 and 14 we were taking him to different training days/weekends maybe 5 days out of 8 at weekends. From 14 he began to cross London independantly,changing tube lines to go to training. This had led him to be a confident travellor. We would still take him to matches at weekends. Often spending 8 hours out of our home.

Some of the benefits of his involvement in elite sport - mixing with other young people from all over the UK. Meeting people who had the same disability ( he was the only one with his quite obvious disability in his mainstream school) . Who became positive role models. Learning how to keep himself fit and eat healthily. Lots of fun. Playing in 5 different countries in 4 different continents and meeting players from those countries. Going on to train as a coach and give back to younger players. Doing a degree in sport and working in sports development... and still taking part in sport though not at elite level.

Some disadvantages - one of his brothers needing to come to some of the matches/training sessions with us and getting bored( he also did a sport til he was about 13) having to arrange weekends away around matches.

And my husband getting involved in the sport and still volunteering a day every weekend even though our son is not involved any more !

Honestly, it’s often a shit show. You say ‘Supportive parent, elite sports kid’, I say ‘Parent prepared to sacrifice the entire family’s life on the altar of one member’s sport’. DS had a friend and classmate when he was in the early years at primary whose older brother was a talented tennis player on the county training pathway. Aged five and six, she spent every weekend in the car to and at his events, and half her weeknights involved dinner in the car and doing her homework at a sports centre. It was no life for a small child, no matter how good her brother was..

I think it’s also important to point out that DH and I support the other kids our kids train with and their parents support our kids. We all share lifts, feed DC, praise DC, comfort disappointed DC etc together. It’s not this horrible cut throat environment where parents are looking down on each other and elbowing each other out the way.

Pushy is the wrong word - supportive more like. My daughter does something similar to sports - think music etc, what started as a music class as a baby evolved into what we have now her competing at national levels - its ALOT of hours of waiting around, and stressful competitions, and we've always said - as soon as she doesn't want to do it we will stop. My son is sporty, we do about 6-7 hours of this sport every week - with away games taking hours, we are often split up during the weekend! Do i like it? Absolutely not - it's tiring. Do they like it? Yes. So, here we are.

This is such a great point. In some sports when you represent GB in junior international competitions you have to pay for transport, hotels and even the GB kit (100s for a tracksuit!) yourselves! There must be so many kids who miss out as their parents can’t afford this, that’s if the kids have got this far.

My DD’s gymnastic club the fees do go up as you do more hours, but as the number of hours increases the cost per hour decreases. However, presumably this only works if you have lots of recreational gymnasts to allow this fee structure, this wouldn’t work in other sports.

I only have a sample size of one, but I know the parents of an Olympian. She is absolutely living out her Father's dream. I'd say the border between supportive and pushy is very blurry in this example.

How do you figure that?

We are a single parent family.

You just have to make adjustments

Only children!

I have a young relative, Team GB, next Olympics in sight - but it’s practically bankrupting the parents! They’re WC and the money needed for the kid to travel with a guardian to the competitions for rankings and to qualify is a real struggle. Think driving across Europe rather than being able to fly to save £ and staying in hostels, bringing own food etc.
££ definitely helps, because the resources needed, particularly for teens in a pathway can be mad. Grants and funding is extremely limited, even when you’re Team GB.

And every parent seems to think they are supportive and not pushy. But read what sports coaches say. They all talk about pushy parents of up and coming future sports stars.

When you see a successful sportsperson you’re looking at the encouraging primary school teacher, the grassroots volunteer coaches, the mum/dad who got up at 5am to drive them half way across the country, the grandparents who gave money for hotels, fuel, equipment, the community that sponsored the equipment or the big trip, the friends who understood that training came first but were there for them, the siblings who cheered from the stands…

I watched a programme where these kids were interviewed - all were older teenagers by this point. They basically all said it was shit. And although in theory they were told the parent would support their interests, they knew it was not practical for them to provide much support or money.
The programme maker made the programme when watching a sport with uo and coming athletes and suddenly realising that alongside parents watching, there were lots of siblings as well. The exceptions were when all the children excelled at a particular sport e.g. Williams sisters.

Nope. A SUPPORTIVE parent/coach/family/siblings AND ££ are usually what’s needed. Not pushy. The ‘pushy’ dad myth is just that - it’s a numbers game, I’m a coach and there’s probably a 1000 pushy dads per ONE single successful sports person.
Those other 1000 successful sportspeople? They mostly have the parents who support, help, drive, sacrifice and prioritise their time for their kid.

I think definitely supportive parenting is key. Even things like having a parent who can drive, having a car, being able to afford training etc.

Wonder what kind of lives the siblings of these kids have with parents concentrating on the " talented" one