Behind every sports success is a pushy parent. Aibu to agree?

I think they're far too many children in need of basic parenting so any parent that is dedicating their time and attention to their child to help them achieve things in life is already doing far far more than many people will

theres a whole lot of space between neglectful parenting & the Olympics 😆😆

I don't really worry about people thinking I'm a pushy parent if I'm honest. I think people worry too much about judgement when they're just doing the best for their children. I think they're far too many children in need of basic parenting so any parent that is dedicating their time and attention to their child to help them achieve things in life is already doing far far more than many people will

Parents have to be hugely supportive and committed. But, I also think some ARE pushy, to get very young DC noticed, or to get coach feedback, to encourage DC to go even if theyre tired /nervous/ missing a birthday party. Particularly very young athletes competing in senior Olympics at 13 years old: at that level they must be training long hours at a young age where parents have huge influence on opinions etc. Surely if you tell a child they're a skateboarder, dress them as a skateboarder, introduce them as that get them training long hours and buy books, clothes, decor items.that all re-enforce that identity then where is "supportive" and what is "pushy"?

My DC have never had competitions clash. If they did one day then DH and I would divide and conquer. They would completely understand - they always want each other to do well.

As I said footballers will play matches every weekend often travelling some distances & I know from DH who was county level swimming weekends were busy….. & again if you have another dc who just wants a play date or to go to a party, I already have 3 in September!

I think you’re the exception to the rule that you can easily facilitate 2 or more dc in elite sport without compromising family time etc.

It's a well documented fact that the biggest factor at school that leads to a child's success is supportive parents.

Top set Y10 I had 95% parental attendance (including 3 that I had to phone at an alternative time due to work commitmente). Bottom set Y10 I had 30% attendance.

The same can be said more so for sporting success. Taking kids to training, miles driven to events, cost if equipment, early morning sessions etc... it takes a committed parent to have a successful child in most cases.

it’s about being willing to sacrifice your own time and couple time and family time,

agree, so maybe pushy is the wrong word.

My friend's 16 year old DD has just competed in the Olympics (her team came 4th!! 👏🇬🇧) and she is the least pushy parent ever. Her DD has been doing her sport since she was 4, and every time her coach suggested more training hours or higher competitions, my friend was always shocked. I think she's only just realised how talented her DD is 🤣

My DC have never had competitions clash. If they did one day then DH and I would divide and conquer. They would completely understand - they always want each other to do well.

They wouldn’t be able to get another dc in a different sport to other competitions

It can be done, dh and I would tag team. Training staggered meaning we could drop one, drop the second, collect the first and collect the second. The third child would be with the other parent.
Not all training is on the same day.
Competitions are often on different days and the rare occasion they clash, you call in a friend/ family member/ coach.
It was bloody hard at times, but seeing my now young adults growing into themselves absolutely made it worthwhile.

In terms of your friend with the footballer - only one parent needs to go to the matches on Sat and Sun; that doesn’t need to impact the other kids. Lots of families do lift shares for training (and indeed matches).

Her DH works shifts & sometimes weekends so she does have to rely on extended family & lift shares etc. And it means they have very, very little time together as a whole family.

💯 I know several kids who are excellent at their sport and every single one of them has a ‘pushy’ parent behind them.

Yes, this. I mean, knock yourself out to support your child athlete by all means, but be under no illusions about the toll it takes on the rest of the family. Is it worth it? I don’t think so, no.

For every tennis or footballer superstar there are thousands that dont make it.

Sorry we cross posted. I mean obviously the family is going to need to have enough money to do it. In terms of your friend with the footballer - only one parent needs to go to the matches on Sat and Sun; that doesn’t need to impact the other kids. Lots of families do lift shares for training (and indeed matches).

I don't think pushy parents but supportive and enabling parents. I drive my DC to training 3 x a week 40 mile round trip. Matches every weekend often 50 mile round trip and further for county games. Cross training 2 or 3 times a week so swimming/running and Crav Maga/karate and gym sessions. He wants to go and either DH or I drive him and buy his kit and equipment. He has 1-1 sessions most weeks for technical improvement. If he didn't want to do it he wouldn't. Some of the people he used to train with can't get to all sessions because parents can't/won't drive them. They have fallen behind the ones who do all training.

The above is a huge commitment. Would you be upset if your dc gave it all up?

I played a sport for GB when I was a junior and no, my parents weren't pushy at all. I had an amazing coach and was very driven. It quite surprised my bookish, wine guzzling parents that they produced me.

Yes, this. I mean, knock yourself out to support your child athlete by all means, but be under no illusions about the toll it takes on the rest of the family. Is it worth it? I don’t think so, no.

I don’t think that’s necessarily true at all. A lot of it depends on availability of family members (two of DD’s friends are driven to training by a grandparent, for example), timing of training, frequency of competitions, possibility of lifts from team mates… etc. I know a lot of families that do it because unsurprisingly you do often get multiple kids in one family in elite sport.

@Nadeed exactly

@goodkidsmaadhouse I’m not talking about letting the other dc do activities/clubs etc but how does it work if you have one dc desperate to be a swimmer, one an actor & one a footballer. How can parents have the time & money to invest in all that? One of my DCs friend is a promising footballer, he has 3 evening sessions a week and matches on Sat & Sun, the other dc still do a weekly swimming class or whatever but family life is planned around football. Similar for a colleague with a promising swimmer.

I don't think pushy parents but supportive and enabling parents. I drive my DC to training 3 x a week 40 mile round trip. Matches every weekend often 50 mile round trip and further for county games. Cross training 2 or 3 times a week so swimming/running and Crav Maga/karate and gym sessions. He wants to go and either DH or I drive him and buy his kit and equipment. He has 1-1 sessions most weeks for technical improvement. If he didn't want to do it he wouldn't. Some of the people he used to train with can't get to all sessions because parents can't/won't drive them. They have fallen behind the ones who do all training.

You simply can not provide the same attention or resources to all children in your family if one is on track to be an elite athlete.
If you had one on track for tennis, you could not do the same for another who decided they wanted to be a top swimmer. There can only be one top athlete, unless you have more than one doing the same sport.

I disagree with this slightly. A pushy parent puts their desires first. There was a thread recently about a mum wanting her dd to continue playing an instrument, even though the child wanted to give it up.

Is that really pushy though? One of my dc begged to start a hobby, did 2 test sessions etc, they were still desperate to do it so I paid the termly fee. After a few wks they were over it, I still made them finish the term.