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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sister Regifting

111 replies

Dobbysocks · 13/08/2024 09:36

My sister and I used to be very close but owing to some challenges our relationship isn’t what it once was. I have two boys, one four and one newborn and she has a seven year old girl. Generally, gifts on special occasions for the kids are thoughtful and useful.

My sister left some presents at my parents for me and my mum passed these on. She had regifted the following;

  • A stained three piece baby set with an item missing, so a two piece in reality.
  • A baby bouquet where the ‘flowers’ are rolled up socks etc. All bar a few items which were once white had yellowed as it’s obviously been stored since she had her daughter. In fact, I remember her specifically saying how much she hated it when she was given it.
  • A photo frame given to her by our cousin when her daughter was born. This was in perfect condition unlike the above.

All the gifts were thrown in a supermarket bag and smelt musty, as if they’d just been cleared out of the loft or storage and passed on to me instead of being properly sorted.

AIBU to be upset by being given this from my sister? Particularly the stained, missing and yellowed items?

OP posts:
cookiebee · 13/08/2024 10:29

I think regifting is only ok if we are honest and say, this isn’t my sort of thing, would you like it? I really hate when people pass off unwanted stuff as a thoughtful present. There must be so many old 3 for 2 boots gift sets circulating through the country, being regifted time after time, I’d honestly prefer to just receive a nice card rather than when you get a card and a shower gel and terrible pointless handcream set, it’s just so thoughtless. I see on here in January lots of people bulk buying this sort of junk for Christmas presents to give at the end of the year, I just know they are going to be opened and the receiver is going to have that sudden disappoint in the pit of their stomach. If we can’t be thoughtful with gifts, best just not to bother with that side of things. I actively encouraged all my adult family to stop with the pointless Christmas presents, it’s stressful and wasteful.

Op if your feeling brave hand it back either to your sister or mother directly and tell the truth about what you think of these gifts and that you know where they came from. If your unable to, then quietly stop with the gifts to each other, or make little effort yourself in future, go to boots and bulk buy all the weird thoughtless gift sets, lots of interesting ones to choose from, a handy Guinness mug with a face flannel, strange smelling shower gel with a hand cream that you can add to all the other out of date ones in your bathroom drawer. A beer glass set with a bottle opener key ring, all three for two and say, I love you and have put absolutely no thought into this item, but that’s you delt with! 😂

larklane17 · 13/08/2024 10:22

I’m miffed at being given stained, partially missing regifts and that hurts more than receiving nothing would have.

Tell her this and send them back.

Lurkingandlearning · 13/08/2024 10:21

I think that was mean of her as it was specifically a gift rather than just giving things she no longer wanted but you might find useful. I also think it’s odd that she saves things like that long enough to get musty rather than donating them while they are still new.

Even if she had run out of time an e voucher would have been better.

You’re not unreasonable for being upset but I wouldn’t make an issue of it, just adjust your expectations going forward. You can’t even really match her when you give presents in the future because that would mean taking it out on your niece. Some of the meanest people I’ve known have been wealthy and it seems she’s the same

Dobbysocks · 13/08/2024 10:12

Justme2023123 · 13/08/2024 10:11

Are you sure it was meant to be a gift and not just passing on hand-me-downs?

Yes, she specifically messaged me saying she’s left a gift for the baby with my parents.

OP posts:
Justme2023123 · 13/08/2024 10:11

Are you sure it was meant to be a gift and not just passing on hand-me-downs?

HowIrresponsible · 13/08/2024 10:02

I'd give them back via your mum and tell her you don't want her old cast offs.

I mean you couldn't be so blunt with a friend but with family you absolutely can.

Just do it.

user1492757084 · 13/08/2024 10:01

Wash and use what you can. Otherwise wash and give to charity.
You can refrain from taking exception.
You can just say thanks and leave any mean spiritedness to your sister (who might have just had a rough week)

Dobbysocks · 13/08/2024 09:59

It was a present for my new baby who is 3 weeks old. She’s not short on cash. She has two properties, a rental income and both she and my BIL are higher earners.

I don’t really care if she gets gifts for the baby or not, I would’ve preferred nothing. I’m miffed at being given stained, partially missing regifts and that hurts more than receiving nothing would have.

OP posts:
Member984815 · 13/08/2024 09:57

Was it just stuff she wanted to pass on or was it specifically for an occasion , I'd wash it and use it . Is it that she has limited cash? Or is it" that'll do for a present " thoughtlessness.

Snacksgalore · 13/08/2024 09:50

Were they gifts for an occassion or just things she was passing on and hadn’t looked at for a long time?

BlueMum16 · 13/08/2024 09:42

I'd have left them with mum to return to sister and say thanks but no thanks.

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