Sister Regifting

I'd usually accept the gift and keep quiet but with a newborn u don't need unnecessary crap at home to deal with so I'd leave at mums and say thankyou for the hand me downs but we don't really need those things - thanks though

Ummmmmmmm. So you were abused by her husband. She’s acting strange. And you’re response is ‘I don’t want your old crap for my babies’.

let’s think maybe suff is going down. If you were filmed by your BIL, imagine what she might be going through! What kind of manipulation is going on.

I hope you pressed criminal charges and are in the process of getting him locked up. That’s the best thing you can do for her, and get her and keep her somewhere safe! Sometimes it takes something like that to knock some sense into someone being manipulated. He’s getting exactly what he wants separating you from her further.

Just wash and give to charity and tell your mum you have done so, and your sister if she asks.

I do understand the pp saying it’s worth saving sibling relationships but in this case because of her husband I really do think going totally no contact is the only way to protect yourself from abuse. She made a choice to go back, but she made another choice in how she’s treated you since, and you don’t want you or your DC around that! Congratulations on your baby!

How sure are you that she's not short on cash? I have family members who are high earners but overextended on their mortgage after the interest rate increases which have been going on? could she be suffering from depression and so overwhelmed with life that shopping (or even properly looking at the items she planned to regift) felt like an insurmountable task?
Those are pretty insulting gifts but sibling relationships are worth saving if you can. If you haven't had a falling out or done something to upset her I'd be looking for another reason/checking she's ok and intended you to receive those things before I flipped out.

Given the background, I think you are right to be upset.

To be fair it’s not their fault OP did a massive drip feed. Also such a non issue about the present compared to a much more serious issue here….Strange thread.

This!

@CeruleanDive are you the self appointed internet police ?

I’m idly answering a post on a forum. It’s not paid work.

but having now read subsequent posts- I see I was right to ask the question as it was the world’s biggest drip feed.

anyway. OP- I think you need to speak to your sister. She obviously massively resents to and is blaming you for her unhappiness. If you can’t sort it, you need to accept that you don’t need people like this in your life.

Any idea why you didn't at least read OP's posts before posting yourself, @Timefornewcareer?

I agree.

as someone else has pointed out, she is family- not a friend- so you can say this. ( if it was a friend I’d just distance myself)

as you say, money is not the issue. She can afford a new £40 quid present.

i also think this was a particularly nasty present- worse than nothing. There is obviously a lot of resentment towards you- any idea what it is?

My SIL has done this to me for years. I now won't put my hand in my pocket for her. She now gets my unwanted gifts. Fair is fair.

What rubbish. You may just as well have written #bekind <<boak>>

ffs - so what if she is depressed? That's what she gets for staying with a pervert and choosing to have kids with it.

Why on earth should @Dobbysocks fart around her sending pictures?

Honestly, the crap baby gifts are the least of your worries 😟 I would not want contact with my sister if she forgave her husband for being an abusive pervert. Voyeurism is dangerous and many sex offenders escalate over time. Obviously she is not to blame for her husband's behaviour but she it totally at fault for forgiving him. You need to think very carefully about whether you want her in your life.

I think your sister seems depressed. I'd send a picture of the new baby and a short note/message of thanks. You don't need to keep the gifts, but this way you've done the right thing and the next move is up to her.

Exactly. Her choice. I would have killed my DH if he did this to any woman, and for my sister I would have chopped him up, before handing him over to the police.

You are being very kind and forgiving OP. If my sister stayed with a man who had done this to me I would have cut her off.
I don't really see the meaning of you staying in contact with her and her family. It will only bring you grief. Even a gift for a newborn gives you grief! Ofcourse she did it on purpose trying to show you that this is what you merit; stained old moldy clothes. But it's for your newborn so really unforgivable. Before someone jumps at me; a person I know always gives second hand gifts to EVERYONE and I don't mind. But I'm sure OP's sister would never dream of gifting a friend with these items (why they have been put away for such a long time).
She chose her DH when she ought to have gone to the police herself for what he did do to you so you cutting her off would be highly understandable (and recommandable imo).

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I would text her and say “hey just checking where you have left the baby presents as Mum just handed me a bag of your old baby gifts that are missing bits, smell musty and you hated at the time 😂 Nice of you to offer such items but I’ll pass thanks. Let me know where to find baby’s gift, very excited”

let her feel like a dick

Your parents are pressuring you to accept your sister and her DH because “family”???

What would it take for your parents to accept that you can back off from them, fgs?

Your sister is a bully, a coward and pathetic. Your BIL is a sexual predator, and brazen about it. They both sound racist and hell and are raising their SEVEN!!! year old child to be the same.

Newborn baby regifts wouldn’t be my problem. I’d be having nothing to do with my sister and her family, and if my parents wanted to choose between her and me I’d tell them to go right ahead. I’m not so desperate that I’d put up with people like this in my life. I’d rather be free of this “family” (family my arse. This isn’t how family treat each other. I wouldn’t excuse abuse of a strangers, regift broken shite to a stranger, put up with racist bs from a stranger).

You can either let it upset you and bother you as she clearly intended, or you can think that was a bit mean of her and just get on with life.

You have your family and a beautiful new baby to enjoy -don’t let her actions taint a minute of your time.

In this case, no reaction is the best reaction.
If she asks you did you get the gift, you can say you were surprised at it and leave it at that.

carry on being nice to her daughter and let it go over your shoulder, it will
annoy her more !!

What do you mean the video was played in court?

Your sister is just as bad as this pervert after she decided to stay with him. Just as bad. Cut her out.

@TemuSpecialBuy are you a therapist? That response was spot on

@Dobbysocks I wondered this. And you don’t have to stay in contact with sister - you can say you love her and you’ll be there for her if she sees sense about her DH but until then, no. As for the gift, say ‘Mum passed on a load of stuff I remember you getting when X was born - but no gift’ 😬
edited for typo