to not understand how the fuck people manage it

Look at what you’re eating before worrying too much about the gym. Gym is fabulous for toning up, building muscle, increasing stamina and honing your form etc etc but it starts really in the kitchen.
Exercise is a great mood lifter, workout at home during your lunch break or just go at 9, I do sometimes. Yeah I’m tired but I prioritise working out so have to squeeze it in when it fits. My kids are older though, when they were younger I prioritised sleep and relaxing!

Doesn't take 2 people to do bedtime, so you eat with toddler, then as soon as DH through the door you leave to go to gym. Weekends, pick one morning you get up and go and your DH can have the other morning

I’m a single parent so can’t go out in the evenings. I do short HIIT sessions in front of the tv at about 9 in the evening plus run in my lunch break. It can be hard to motivate yourself at that time but it’s important to me and helps me feel better overall so worth it.

Don’t feel deflated, it’s just not possible to juggle it all sometimes.

I don’t get time to go to the gym and I love walking but don’t get to do that either.

Try Lily Sabri YouTube videos, they are really short between 5-15 mins. I try to do those 3-4 times a week.

Fasting really helps, so I only eat lunch and dinner. Plus check your iron levels, if you’re a bit anaemic losing weight is hard. If you aren’t sleeping well that doesn’t help either.

Ultimately you have a toddler, it’s knackering and it takes a good while for your hormones and body to get back to normal. I worked so hard to get slimmer after my first son was born and starting running everyday when he was 9 weeks old, it didn’t make any difference and it wasn’t until he was about 2 or 3 I could start to get my body back to normal.

Keep going you’ll get there.

Yeah it’s impossible. I had to exercise at home. My youngest was 6 before I could realistically go to the gym twice a week - and I still didn’t go because I didn’t have the energy.

You need to eat earlier. It’s better for weight loss anyway, ideally you should have your last mouthful of the day before 7pm to enable your body to fast for long enough before eating breakfast. I found recently that I happen to do 16:8 without even realising it. Look up intermittent fasting.

A habit that dh and I got into was to eat as early as 5.30 pm with the dcs. It’s good to eat as a family and good table routines should start young. You don’t have to do it everyday of course, just on the days you plan to work out. By the time your supper has gone down you might find you have time to then go to the gym or do a workout from home.

Your current routine doesn’t allow for this so you need to adapt it.

Your aims are separate - you won’t lose a stone by going to the gym. You’ll lose a stone by eating less / differently. Exercise has very little impact on weight loss.

From the outside, the obvious answer is alternating bedtimes with DH so that you can go then a few times a week? And then do the weekend ones together? That means you'd still do pick up and see DC, but you'd also fit the exercise in.

I'd second that it's more diet than exercise to lose weight, though, so focusing on food could be a win for you.

We're in the same boat, but with no family who could do collection. I've probably got a few friends I could make an arrangement with but I like doing pick-up and teatime, so I either rarely make it work on lunch, or I go after bedtime. We're working towards alternating bedtimes again so I can go then. DH does the same on opposite nights.

When mine were toddlers my exercise was often a walk to the park. I walked miles with the buggy.
I got into home workouts (Davina DVD, showing my age!)
Now I go to the gym before work - is that an option, and get someone to drop DC off?

You can't expect to go to the gym at the same rate as a single person, that's an undeniable fact. I do know a few friends who get up at 4am six times a week to go to the gym and come back before the day starts for everyone else.
For all the other mere mortals, I think we just need to get comfortable with the idea that some time is better than no time. If you can carve an hour on weekend, then go once a week. Once a week is 100% better than zero times a week.
If family can help out with pick ups, let them. Don't feel guilty. You spend plenty of time with your kids across the week. An hour of being away from you is not going to ruin their childhood.
And also, I am a big advocate of instead of saying "I don't have time" to say "It is not a priority for me right now" because, let's be honest we can all find some time in our day for things that really matter. It's OK for exercise not to be a priority.

In a similar situation with young kids, can't always fit the gym in etc. I do fasting and have lost quite a bit that way. It's really easy to fit in around busy family life. Worth reading in to IMO.

I don’t go to the gym but I run three times a week. I work FT and have a teenager. I need exercise for physical and mental health so it’s non negotiable for me.

If you're unable to leave the house, it's a home workout, in whichever form works for you. I either did this or occasionally my DH would appear early and I'd grab the chance and go for a run. Alternatively, you can child share with friends, where you have theirs then they have yours for some exercise time.

Well it doesn't take 2 adults to put one toddler to bed - we have 3 children and have always alternated doing bedtime (once I had stopped breastfeeding).
They're older now but we have kept the same pattern - one directs bedtime (kids mostly sort themselves these days but need some prodding about showers etc) and the other cleans up (washing up, etc) and then if I am not on bedtime I go to the gym around the cleaning up. Sometimes depending on the class I am literally walking out as DH arrives home - then I just do the clearing up when I get back.

I'd focus on food too as a pp has said. Are home workouts an option for you? I have a 5 month old and I manage (barely!) to get 30 mins/day. It helps a lot. Mentally, too

Losing weight depends much more on what you eat rather than exercise. I'd focus on that rather than trying to get to the gym.

I used to go to the gym during my lunch hour. In your case it looks like there is little ability to do that so finding a workout routine to do at home would probably be better. Also we’ve (and then when it was just me) always had dinner/tea with DC that would free up time for you to go to the gym/work out. Also alternating who does bed time.