to not understand how the fuck people manage it

Sorry agree with PP take turns with bedtime.
My DH is self employed and worked late a lot when kids were little eg 8.30 or 9pm . DD in particular was a PITA about bedtimes until she was about 5, but DH came home "early" (6.30pm) twice a week so we could each do our own sport at least once a week.
Maybe do a class because if you arrange with others to meet at a particular time or go to a class it's easier to stick to.

I've never ever contemplated doing any exercise at 4am though, so I'm with you there! 🤣

I work FT and have two primary age DC. I get up early and go to the gym before work when I'm in the office, and when I WFH I work out from home in the time I'd normally be commuting.

It is hard, especially when you're seriously short on sleep, I know. As PP say, weight loss is diet, though. For me, exercise is essential for mental wellbeing so I've made it an iron discipline. It's a non-negotiable. Routine and discipline will get you further than motivation, which will always come and go.

If you trust your DH and he's a competent parent able to comfort his child then you can go out in the evening and leave them to it. It's ok for our kids to be sad on occasion and to not get what they want all the time. In fact it's essential for their development. The main thing is that they have a parent able to support them as they feel their emotions. A book called How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen is really helpful and accessible on this.

Alternate bedtimes and go to the gym at 7, then you both get 2-3 evenings a week where you're able to do something for a couple of hours.

I cycled to work, which took 45 mins but still quicker than the bus in rush hour.

I don't much like cycling but it forced exercise in to my day.

Weight loss is 80 percent what you eat.

can you not go at the weekend?

Exactly this. I’ve lost nearly a stone in 8 weeks on WeightWatchers. I’d been doing resistance training for six months and lost precisely nothing. It only started coming off when I started WW. And it’s just all done on an app by yourself - no need to go to any meetings or anything

If your not in he can't play you like this. Stop his game say no it just daddy tonight/ just me tonight....it's a delaying tactic look at gradual withdrawal

Honestly don't do bedtime together. You go to the gym while dh puts the kid to bed. Doesn't sound like bedtime is a dream as it is so letting one tackle it alone is fine.
Also go at the weekend? Or eat tea early and go after bedtime?

Give yourself a break. Exercise is important, but it’s not all that happens. However, you will have more energy if you go to the gym though so don’t write it off. My running club starts at 8pm

Rather than do bed together why not pick a day a week for each of you to do your own thing so he gets home early one day a week or you just head out as he comes in. Have a dinner done....cook one meal for all of you rather than 2, eat together better for lo and less work. Or if it's too late for lo do something you can just reheat either for lo tomorrow or you later.

In terms of exercise I'd agree that you don't need to do bedtime together with DH. If you swap you'd both get some free time which you could use to exercise a couple of evenings a week. Then presumably on one weekend day you could also go. Also look at your diet and try to do outdoorsy things as a family so you are all active on the weekend. I'd also agree that you should eat together as a family and this will also save you time. Start a routine and stick to it.

Not young children anymore, but I fit in two sports training sessions a week by going training which starts at 7pm and eating later.
It's the only way I can fit it in by adjusting normal routine of dinner. And I tend to have a lighter meal as it's close to 9pm when I finally sit down after showering.

Can you go as soon as your DP gets in? He does bedtime routine and come back to have dinner after your workout.

Or if you need to be there at bedtime go afterwards. That's what I used to do when mine were little.

I've never been to the gym, you don't need to go to a gym to lose weight. It's more about your diet than exercise. You need to find some exercise you actually enjoy, and can do at the weekend, then look at your diet. Having a child has been a great motivation for us to have a healthy diet as we share our meals with them.

My partner gets home anywhere between 6 and 10 in the evening so exercising at night is a no go. I don't use a gym I run so I'm up at 5.30 3x a week and back by half 6/7 so just as everyone else is getting up. For a long run at the weekend I'm out of the house by half 4 so I'm back for breakfast and I can spend the day with partner and the kids. Quite nice now, absolutely shit in the winter.

I go to the gym straight after work which I enjoyed, then collected my son from his childminders. Worked well for me. Now he is starting reception I'll be collecting him from after school club, then when his dad gets in from work go to the gym then.
I also use Sunday as my big workout day, DH takes DS to the park then we swap over.

When I had a toddler they equated to a daily workout with weights!

Either alternate bedtimes with DH and go in the evening, or is it possible to go first thing? I have a 3 year old, work 4 days a week, and drag myself out of bed twice a week to do a 6am hiit class but it’s a 5 min walk down the road so I can get out of bed at 5:45. Back before 7am and DH holds the fort til then, appreciate the convenience isn’t possible for everyone.

Never been able to go to the gym consistently nor enjoyed it much. So I walk a fair amount, generally getting my 10k steps a day, overall. Some days are better than others. I cycle, and periodically, when I’m not too tired or my knees are ok I like a short run. We have good transport options so sold our car 18mths ago and not missed it at all as we never used it for short trips preferring walking or cycling as was more convenient and often faster (in case of bike, especially).

Can also be found doing weights in front of the TV occasionally. If you did 2x ten minutes of fast walking a day you’d see the benefits. Is that something you can incorporate in nursery pick ups or going to the shop?

i think you need to incorporate small changes into what you already do rather than adding another task as it’s clear you’re not getting to it. So stairs, not escalators, walking, not relying on the car for short journeys. If your child is in a sling that’s weight training too (I carried my boy till he was 4, but he was not a very heavy child) or pushing the pushchair and walking is easy too. Try a minute plank and a wall sit every day. Then start doing 2x and three. Will still take less than ten minutes abc you can do it in the room with your toddler.

FWIW I’m overweight due to a health condition but my fitness and strength aren’t too bad and my cholesterol is normal.

if you like the gym then you can make time to go but yes it’ll be early before your toddler wakes up, at lunchtime or late if you don’t want to miss out on family time, depends what’s sustainable for you,