to not understand how the fuck people manage it

Full time worker, toddler at home, husband who works late... how the hell do people manage to keep fit and go to the gym?!

The only ones I know who manage in the above circumstances have partners that don’t have much hobby time/happy to not go out and they also prioritise the gym over all other social activities.

Focus on food, get steps in or cycle commuteand some weights to do at home

Just vile that 4 weeks wasn't it 😂

I used to go to a class at 6am, if that’s an option. Or you take the night off bedtime a few times a week and go as soon as your husband gets back, then come home and have dinner then shower etc.

I've done home workouts when DH was working late.

But I think for morale and accountability and a more social form of exercise it probably is better to arrange stuff with a friend or commit to a class, outside of the house. It's much easier to give up or miss a session if you're relying on your own willpower.

And being in the house could give DH or toddler the idea you're available for them, going out and separating that time/space for yourself, means not getting distracted or sucked into thinking you ought to be doing something else

Dh gets up at 5 to go before work. I go in the day if I get chance but also at 7pm as dh gets in 630.

Can you not go when your dh gets in or before he leaves for work

Cut yourself some slack. You are in a hard but temporary phase. I felt like this and then sleep finally improved when my son was three and after a few months of no longer being a zombie, I could do exercise and didn't need to eat to stay awake/alive. Losing weight was much easier at that point.

Not what you've asked op, but after a very difficult few years I was able to go to the doctors and look after myself enough to ask if my tiredness was normal tiredness of working and 3 kids and life stress and found out Im very anemic. That falling asleep every afternoon and lacking motivation wasn't just me and getting older it was chemical! I'm on strong irl tablets now and feel so much more like myself and motivated. Might be worth checking out.

I exercise in front of TV- seriously, there are AMAZING fitness chanlles out there on YT and some you have to pay a small subscriptions elsewhere, happy to sned pointers, but I find it so much more fun that going to the gym now, and you can even set yourself up in the garden with a laptop! You dont even need weights although I have a set of 3kg and 5kg and a roller for some stuff.

Gosh I miss the gym post baby! I try and stay fit by cycling to/from work and getting out for a run/cycle occasionally at weekend.

Both DH and I put our toddler to bed. I feel like I see her so little I don't wanna miss out at the moment. Then we are both shattered by 7.30 pm

Walk at home videos have done wonders for me in the past. I lost 10 kilos in 6 months using walk at home as suggested by a friend. She lost half her body weight in 1 year with walking videos and healthy eating.

So, what you actually have is a husband problem. Lazy partner, lazy father. Did he not think he has to change his lifestyle and work pattern at all when he had a baby?

this needs serious discusaion. You need to sit down and discuss how he isn't pulling his weight, as a husband, a partner and a father and things need to change immediately.

have everything listed so you stay on topic and factual, not emotional or reactive.

housework
parenting
free time

What is he going to do?

I have a very similar situation! 2 year old toddler, I leave for work about 6.30/6.45, work through my breaks and lunch and then pick toddler up from nursery. OH gets home at 7pm earliest then it's tea and bedtime routine and I'm absolutely too tired by the time I've sat down after that.

I've started going to the gym for 6am and having 45-60 minutes before work (I shower there too) but it is hard, particularly when my son wakes a lot in the night as he will only settle for me.

Could going before you start work be a possibility?

Get up earlier? My husband was at the gym at 6am sharp and I did the kids. Or go at lunch (if you have one). Or do a home workout. Have your kid in the room with you doing a modified version if need be!
But really exercise is good for your health but it's what you eat that counts with weight.

Try & imagine how people stayed fit before David Lloyd saw an opportunity! House work, walking the dog, pushing the pram, walking to the shops before they had a car. Walking the children to school, gardening, washing the windows….god I’m tired out just writing this!

Other children? So the bigger picture is that the domestic load is potentially significantly bigger than just three of you?

Are they step children or is there an opportunity to get some extra support from them.

If funds allow, I'd just book in personal training. Nothing like paying in advance for something that you will lose if you don't show to get your ass there. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me too as there is ALWAYS something that needs doing at home.

I also found that a really late gym session meant that I skipped dinner at home and ate something appropriate before leaving work though you could eat with your toddler. Leave DH to sort himself and the teens. 6.30 is not late to be getting home from work.

Would it be safe/practical to cycle? Once your muscles get used to cycling, it's surprising how quickly you get places! Especially if your driving route has lots of traffic.

Usually I get up at 5 to exercise before kids get up. If I go through a season where I cant get to bed early (kids erratic sleep) and will not be able to get up early I shift schedule and exercise in the evening before bedtime routine. Previously I was able to work out at lunch and there were seasons where there other priorities and I only exercised at the weekend.
Saying that just staying active and movement is important so walking at lunch, walking with kids to playground and chasing them instead of sitting down, choosing stairs instead of lift... it all ads up!
We all have same 24h in a day its up to you to prioritise and focus on what you need to get done so something else will have to give. I have zero social life and I quit watching TV and get food shopping delivered so that's at least 5h of my time I got back. Good luck!

Also find exercise you enjoy doing to make it easier, losing weight is mainly cardio so HIT, dance workouts etc, have you tried workout with Jo for something gentler to ease you in?

You have to find something that works with your lifestyle.
I'm a single parent so getting to the gym is also a childcare issue for me, in the evenings I'm tired and just want to relax too so I do home workouts as soon as I get home from work as I know I won't do it otherwise.
For your situation it sounds like home workouts, simplifying the cooking and one parent putting child to bed will help.
For the cooking, either make something simple and easy for toddler or cook one meal for all of you even if you eat separately, either you and husband re-heat or toddler eats a version of the previous days meal reheated.
For the bedtime, I understand why it is the way it is but being more consistent and whichever parent is doing it that night being able to soothe the child and the other parent not having to go up will be beneficial for all of you.

I did the Joe Wicks plan when I had two babies and worked full time. It was 1x 25 minute home workout 4x a week. Much more focused on food. I lost loads of weight. I've only just re-joined the gym now they are nearly 4 and 5. I'd defo look at the Joe Wicks plan, I used to squeeze the exercise in when they napped or sometimes in the room with me!

Try the Joe wicks app. I went from a size 12 to a size 8 in 2 months with his 90 day plan after first DC. Then got pregnant again and could basically only eat carbs or was sick whilst pregnant.
I'm now doing a work out at 5.30am 4 days a week and eating the food plan. DC are 2 and 5 (5 year old has sleep issues and possibly neurodiverse). It's the only time I get to do this and actually feel better once I've done it. It's only 25 mins and my eating has massively improved. My DH does it too when he has time which helps motivate me too

My husband gets up at 4:45 and goes to the gym, I wake up at 5:30 and go for a run when he gets home. Kids wake about 6 to 6:30.
We both work full time.

Honestly, think about at home workouts. Have you exercised much in the past? I did a lot of Pilates pre-kids and now like to do online sessions, I've also picked up some weight training online. I wouldn't have done this if it was my first time doing exercise because I think there is a risk of injury if you don't know what good form 'feels' like, but if you do it's perfectly possible to find 15-20 minutes every day. In your day, I'd fit it in either before your dinner or in the morning before work.

I used to feel like you about exercise but this has really worked for me. I've stuck with it for over a year now and feel strong - and (mostly) look forward to it. You have to get over the hump of not enjoying it and as your body gets stronger, you will.

What does your husband do, exercise-wise? Does he have time to prioritise it? Or other hobbies? If he does, you should too.

I don't see that as excuses, don't be so hard on yourself! As you say, your LO is going through a rough patch with sleep and it's hard but it does get better as they get older.

If I was you I would try tracking your calories. I've just lost 2 stone in 3 months by working out my BMR on here tdeecalculator.net and then using the Nutracheck app to track calories. I haven't cut out any food groups at all. I've also been doing walking workouts (check out Get Fit With Rick on YouTube) which I actually really enjoy. You can do 10 min workouts up to 30 mins depending on what time of day you have.

Leave the gym until you're at a point where DH can deal with a few bedtimes on his own so you can escape!