MIL likes to be almost part of our relationship or in the family

Now try to imagine how you will feel when your child has children and a family of their own. Will you want to be involved? Surely not ... you will be a total hands off granny, won't offer any advice or love towards this new family as they are nothing to do with you ...

I've heard my DM says practically all these things to my sister, she's excited and it brings back memories of when she was a new Mum. I've heard plenty of other grandmothers say similar things too, it's always because they're excited.

She sounds really lovely.

You need to talk to other parents. Other mums say things like that too. Read some of the parenting threads here of parents asking for advice on teething, sleeping, whatever else your MIL said.

She's done nothing from your post to be complaining about. Except be happy to have a grandchild. How ridiculous of her to care about the 10th grandchild when everyone knows MILs only have time for the first 9.

It sounds like you're trying to trip her up. Maybe she says daft things because she is nervous around you and doesn't know what to say. Just try to chill out a bit and enjoy life. Why is a Dad changing his 4 month old baby an achievement? I don't get that, he should be doing it multiple times a day so used to it by now.

She sounds lovely, and very normal. I think every grandparent remarks that they can't wait for the joy of the baby without the hard work! And the "just you wait" thing can be a bit annoying, but everyone does it. All very normal.

Sounds quite normal, Op.
A new baby will remind people of their baby experiences and a new baby in the family will look and smell a bit like their own babies. There is a real bond between grandparents and grandchildren; they love each other and feel familiar.

I remember receiving those sorts of comments from my MiL, and the feeling I had at the time was that she wasn't noticing the good bits from that present moment. I find that quite sad.
She wouldn't say things like, baby's sleeping really well. She would say things like, make the most of baby sleeping because in a few months you'll be running after them. I just would think 'whatever' and know that at each stage, I could cope with whatever would happen anyway.

She sounds lovely ! Is there any chance you have some postpartum anxiety/depression? It might be why you feel very protective over the baby.

You sound nuts. None of these things are a problem. I was a bit nuts postpartum and everything everyone did p’d me off haha

Don't expect much support on Mumsnet about this - it’s full of interfering grandmothers who feel they have a claim to their grandchildren or that they have a right to be involved in any way they want.

I feel your pain though. It’s like they get a kick out of reminding you that you’ve got hard times to come. The glee on their faces when they say “just you wait until he’s walking/ teething/ terrible twos” like they can’t wait to see you suffer. It makes me want to say oh just fuck off will you? But we don’t do that do we, we smile sweetly and we take it in our stride and don’t give them the satisfaction.

@MumDaisy1980 the examples you've given all sound completely normal to me. Yes, it's irritating when people say things like 'just wait until baby is running around', but these are entirely normal things for people to say. They don't mean anything nasty by it.

Probably the most sensible replies I've ever seen on a MIL thread

I’m starting to see the overprotectiveness of new mum vs MIL as a similar phase to teenagers pushing parents away. It’s a reflex that’s totally normal but also a bit much. You need independence to make your own parenting choices, but you also need to understand that your reactions aren’t always as reasonable as you think. Sometimes people telling you it was hard for them is their way of connecting. It will be different sorts of hard for you.

I'm currently dealing with a teen and the random argumentativeness is objectively really interesting, But also really hard not to react to! I’m sure one day being a MIL will be similar.

You are the problem not her. She loves the baby and her behaviour is totally normal for a loving grandmother.

Taken on its own, it's hard to see any real issue with what your MIL is doing here. She sounds like a doting lovely granny from your description.

Taken in conjunction with your posting history (your posting style is very distinctive), then it sounds as if you are either struggling mentally or you are being very unreasonable.

If the former, then I hope you are getting treatment and counselling, because otherwise you are going to find yourself in an increasingly lonely place.

God forbid the poor woman actually does or says something wrong! It’s posts like this that make me thank my lucky stars that I have a good and decent daughter in law

I felt the same way with MIL, and looking back it was genuinely the hormones and that it was my first baby. frankly I didn't like anyone cuddling him, I had my nails digging in to my palms! I knew you were supposed to let people cuddle them but I could barely bear having it happen. Fast forward to second baby, I was much more relaxed. As others have said MIL sounds totally normal and it's nice that she cares! A lot are not that bothered. However I do understand why you feel like this.

Are you well OP? None of what you have written seems an issue at all. It's very common for Grandparents to say one of the joys of having grandchildren is to get able to do all the fun stuff and then hand them back.

Im not sure why others are being so salty in their replies- maybe because your OP is very hard to read.

I know what you are getting at OP - you feel annoyed / encroached upon as a new mum. You view your MIL as trying to take your role and as her trying to be mum to your baby, not grandma.

Its a very common problem on MN and real life.
it’s a mixture between you being very protective as a new mum and MIL trying to assert her role with a new grandchild. It’s a very complicated relationship and often there are feelings jealousy / possessiveness / over stepping / feeling left out or not included enough from both sides.

The comments you mention about ‘oh wait until the baby does xxx or wait until they are xx age or at xx stage. Is so common too. Im not sure why people say this- can only think they had a hard time and don’t like to see someone finding things easy? Or maybe like to assert the fact they know more about child rearing than you and should be listened to more / have more input with the baby?

It takes time and patience / communication from both sides to make things better but it can be a tricky relationship for first time mums with their MIL

She's just excited to have a new grandchild I don't see what the problem is with that!

In terms of the "just you wait until.....(insert negative thing here)" stuff, I think it's something people do to bond. She has been there and done it all so she's letting you know what to expect in her experience. Plenty of people find this irritating though. I just always respond with "we'll see!". Seems a good balance of acknowledging while dismissing.

Yep. I can't understand what the issue is and I read bits three times.

Please read this OP. Absolutely this.

You will understand it all if you are lucky enough to become a grandmother.

Ah your poor MIL, this post made me sad 😢 for her and you.
She sounds like a lovely doting Nanny and she obviously adores your DH too. She is your family and you, DH and baby are her family.
I’m sad you feel this anxiety when you really don’t need to.

I think the OP means in the family as in acting like a mother to her baby / wife to her DH rather than the MIL