MIL likes to be almost part of our relationship or in the family

You are being ridiculous get over yourself

honestly she just sounds excited and like she's trying to make a connection with you about it all. You seem to be making issues out of non-existent things, of course we don't know if there is any other background pre to this but from just reading this it seems you're the issue.

Don't understand the problem at all, would you rather she didn't care and wasn't interested ? All sounds perfectly normal to me

I think it takes a while to adjust to the fact that your child isn’t just your child and is also MIL’s grandchild. I know she’s irritating you but she hasn’t really done anything wrong…

I can see that her jumping in to respond to a question that DH asked you, as though he'd been talking to her, would be annoying. That would grind my gears too. But everything else on your list of complaints just seems like getting het up over issues that don't exist. One of your problems is that she is too happy about her grandchild?

I think that the fact you had to give yourself a pep talk in order to prepare for the fact that MIL and wider family would want to play with the baby is not a healthy reaction.

There's no real way to say this without sounding patronising but do you think it might be worth speaking to your GP? I had all kinds of irrational fears and overprotective behaviours when my first child was born which I thought were normal at the time. Looking back now I just had absolutely raging, untreated PND.

I would say that everything you have written is fairly usual behaviour for an involved parent / grandparent . Stop looking for issues that are not there .

MumDaisy1980 I hope you can relax into motherhood and enjoy your baby and be thankful that you have a nice normal mother in law. There are some interfering battle axes of mothers in law out there and they are often spoken about on Mumsnet. You’re lucky yours isn’t one of them. I could write a book about the one I had 😆

You might one day come to be glad of her support and friendship. Don’t spoil it now at this early stage.

So she’s a completely normal grandma.

The main odd thing is that you think the babies dad changing the nappy is an achievement.

Besides, our baby is the 10th grandchild in the fam - I somehow found our baby got especially too much attention and I don't understand why.

Any chance your dh is your mil's youngest child and/or the only boy?
My mil adores my kids over her other grandchildren because they're her baby boy's kids. They are also the youngest grandchildren.

Grandparents can't do right, can they? If she ignored you, or didn't really engage then you would probably complain. It doesn't matter if your baby is the 1st or 10th, she is still delighted and that's really lovely. Perhaps I'm mad, but I think it's just great that a baby has another person to love them.

Reading the many other threads that you have posted you seem to be very anxious and as a result are perhaps picking up on problems that are not really there. Your writing style suggests that English is not your first language and that this is not helping. Perhaps talk to your Doctor or HV?

Far too difficult to read for me sorry…

Op I suspect English is not your first language, so wonder whether something is getting lost in interpretation/context or there are cultural differences. Nothing you’ve said about your mother in law sounds remotely unusual

The card would annoy me, that's definitely overstepping.
The other stuff, depends maybe if I was feeling particularly sleep-deprived and /or I'd detected a tone of speech I didn't like from MIL.

Count your blessings @MumDaisy1980. Some of the Mil’s I’ve read about on here make your blood run cold, yours sounds very reasonable.

Really? It's pretty clear to me.

I think it all depends on the tone with which it's delivered.

Sometimes it feels like a bit of gleeful 'i suffered hard times raising babies and children and now you have that coming and I want to burst your bubble, he he haw haw your so naive!'

Sometimes it feels like 'I've been a mother, I know what it's like, solidarity in advance for the hard bits, I've been there!' (and perhaps they didn't feel the work of motherhood was particularly valued when they did it, so trying to get some recognition for themselves that they didn't get back then and showing you they will 'see you' and recognise its hard when you are doing the hard bits)

Or even just a kind of reminiscence of early motherhood days as a way of bonding and identifying, but it coming out wrong.

All the “negative” nonsense comments are just normal baby chit chat recognising that babies are hard work. I’ve heard pretty much the same comments about babies being made by friends and family since I was pretty much a baby!

As much as baby cuddles are wonderful, trying to eat lunch while juggling a baby is a pain. I would imagine in that instance, your MIL was jumping in to take the baby so both of you could have a break from parenting and eat your lunch in peace for once. Certainly, that is the norm in my family,

Sounds like she was trying to be helpful and hold the baby so you could both eat!

The ‘just you wait till’ comments are pretty universal when you’re a new parent as well.

I feel a bit sorry for your MIL who just sounds excited to be a grandma to your baby. If it’s her 10th grandchild-that’s fab she’s still so keen!

What does your husband say to your worries?

My MIL and my mum would also will delay their food or stop mid meal to hold both of my babies if they needed it. Babies are 2 and 5 now and tbh they probably would still do it if needed.

They remember. In my case they're not trying to be interfering, they're doing their best to be helpful. Perhaps your MIL is doing the same?

My MIL once told me she gets to eat every meal hot and with company now her babies are grown up, if she can give me and DH a hot meal together why wouldn't she?

She did not even buy the birthday card - only said she had seen it and wanted to buy it because it was nice.

I couldn’t understand any of it…

She's a grandma. She's had children and grandchildren. She has skills and knowledge she wants to share with you. She loves your baby. All good, I'd say. Enjoy her while you can. You'll miss her when she's gone.

The only issue I would have is the birthday card, but everything is quite normal I would say. And as you don’t live near you don’t have to see her that much but she will probably be more excited as she doesn’t see her grandchild very much. It is hard being a new mum and not trying to be overprotective. I look back and cringe at some of the things I said and got annoyed about when DC was a little baby.