MIL likes to be almost part of our relationship or in the family

She's an excited grandmother and she's chatting to you about the baby's development and what to expect - perfectly normal and she's just trying to bond with you over shared experiences. Cut her some slack.

The last sentence here really made me laugh (I’m a MIL - amongst other things - with 3 sons and no daughters) because of course if you do what it says in the last sentence you could be accused of having no interest whatsoever in the child

I have to say that fortunately this has not been my experience but that of friends - I realise that I’ve been lucky so far 🤞🏻

every grandchild here has been welcomed with equal pleasure and anticipation and treated equally- which doesn’t always mean getting exactly the same things

from a grandparent point of view there is a particular joy that you don’t understand until you are a grandparent and it’s not being mean it’s pure fact - as a gp you get the pleasure without the pain, worry, responsibility, sleepless nights, time and financial pressure

it can help to remember that every new addition to every family raises different feelings and emotions for different people within the family dynamic

if you’re struggling to think whether you’re being unreasonable or not ask yourself if you’d be just as annoyed if a friend did it

It sometimes seems that MILS just can’t do right

Don’t persecute her for being happy to have a grandchild.
She sounds like she’s over the moon with the new arrival.

Is it really fair to add "don't look too happy when your grandchild is born" to the list of things MILs are expected to do?

The baby's mum can look adoringly at the baby. Her mum can gaze lovingly at her grandchild while beaming from ear to ear.
MIL is only allowed to smile briefly at the baby, and then she must focus all her attention on her DIL, in order to avoid the accusation that she only sees her DIL as a vessel.

Hate to break it to you OP - but your MIL is part of your family! She's your husband's mum 🙄

Just say ‘Why do you want to know that?’or smile and say ‘Now, X, I don’t think you really need chapter and verse on my positions in labour, do you?’ and change the subject.

The ‘Just you wait’ stuff is mildly irritating, sure, but she’s trying to connect on something.

My own MIL, who could take a prize in tactlessness and total lack of imagination, would tut continually at DH holding DS and say ‘Oh, you don’t know what it was like, having three children before your 21st birthday, and raising them on nothing!’ DH attempted to be patient for some time, but eventually caved and said ‘Yeah, mum, it was precisely because we didn’t want to be raising three babies in two damp rooms over a shop that we had one child on two salaries in our 30s.’

She can’t quite get over the idea that we’re getting away with something, and fails to see that having a total of five children very young, on no money and in a tiny space, was not compulsory. That the universe doesn’t give her extra points.

Poor little baby having a granny who loves him so much! 🤨🤨

I actually can't believe you're objecting to the fact that your MIL had a look of "tremendous happiness" on her face! If she didn't look happy, you'd be annoyed that she seemed disengaged from her grandchild. Is it really fair to add "don't look too happy when your grandchild is born" to the list of things MILs are expected to do?

I've had a thought about the "wait until" comments which honestly hadn't occurred to me before.

If (at a point you're feeling relatively chill) lots of older mothers tell you that Aspect X of parenting is tricky, then when you're struggling with Aspect X you're likely to remember this and think "oh yeah, it's just the n-month retrogression" or whatever, instead of thinking aaaaaaargh I'm a terrible mother I've ruined this tiny life.

(and of course if you happen to sail through Aspect X, you get to feel momentarily smug which, be honest, is an enjoyable feeling)

These are the kind of threads I want to point to when people gormlessly ask why there is often gender disappointment with boys.

She's just excited and reliving the baby days that's all.

No harm done and be super grateful - my parents OR in laws weren't interested in our 3.

OP, I’m of the view that PIL should not be commenting on the likely sex of the baby as in one is better or more longed for, or whether the baby is small etc. But the comments about ‘wait until …’ are pretty harmless, if a bit annoying.

Or maybe she's just one of those loving grandmas (like my MIL) who adore all her grandchildren, doesn't have favourites and was equally excited at all their arrivals. .

She couldn't be more normal. And it's absolutely fantastic that she's just as excited and loving about grandchild #10!

You know that instinctive love you feel as a new mother? The way you look at your baby with awe and love? The way I felt when I saw each of my granddaughters for the first time, was as close to that as it gets. That instinctive feeling. A new member of the family. The next generation. Your child's child. I'm pretty certain that I was grinning line a fool.

And that's the love I still feel, and what helps to bond us as an extended family who look out for each other and help each other.

You should be so happy that your baby has such a warm and loving grandma.

My god you've written down and criticised every single comment she's ever made! You are hyper critical! Why???? You say you can’t understand why she is happy about the baby?!?!

ALL grandparents say that the best part of having a grandchild is being able to enjoy them and then give them back! That's a perfectly normal thing to say. Because it's true!

Give the poor woman a break and let her be a grandmother for f sake

@time2changeCharlieBrown I agree, I had to re read some parts too 🙈

It’s reads perfectly clearly

I’m the grandmother in this situation. My daughter has a five month old, and oh my god, everyone told me that being a grandparent is amazing, but I wasn’t expecting it.

Those things she’s said about teething, and nappy changes are just facts, although there’s no need to state them. I made my daughter a birthday card from her baby son. I knew her partner wouldn’t, and I like making cards. I know my daughter didn’t think I was treading on anyone’s toes, but I wonder about her boyfriend now. I don’t really care! He didn’t think to get one, I don’t think cards have featured heavily in his life, but now he’s seen it, he’ll know for next year, hopefully

It’s quite hard to understand from how you gave written this, I had to re read a few times but I am tired 😂
from what I can interpret I think yabu she sounds fine and I think it’s nice she’s interested especially as you say the tenth gc
my parents would be less bothered after much less gc 😂

so it seems nice she is getting involved and I think her comments are just from excitement and just trying to help you see what stages you will get to experience and be prepared but I don’t think it’s in a bad way
just don’t overthink it and enjoy your new baby and having family that are there for you

That's what I was thinking. I can imagine holding my child's baby and feeling all the feelings come flooding back to holding my own...and all the love of knowing this child is from you and part of your family. It's all good OP. She sounds amazing to me!

This is so weird. Your MIL IS family. That's a fact

There are many threads on here about the "just wait....." comments! They are incredibly frustrating but I'd be very surprised if you've only heard them comments from your MIL and nobody else!

Unless there's underlying issues or a background of some sort, YABU. Try to keep telling yourself about the positives of the relationship your MIL has with her grandchildren or you will start resenting her for no valid reason.

This. If she was indifferent to your baby you probably wouldn't like that either!!

This is Honeslty just how people are around a new baby. It’s weird I agree but it is how it is. Let them be, it’s nice they are excited and wanting to be involved

Totally normal.
MIL is not the weird one here.
Take a hard look at yourself OP!!

Eh? I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm nowhere close to being a grandmother! The OP's MIL has done nothing wrong.