MIL insisting DD comes to stay

I also find it odd.

All family relationships should be encouraged. Find a way to make this work so your DD and her grandmother can spend some precious time together.

Your reluctance appears to be a control thing.

If DD doesn't want to go, that sounds like the end of the discussion to me. There would be no point to the visit, nobody would enjoy it.

She lauhhs/ignores? Fine. Come back with a counter offer the first time e.g. no, that doesn't work for us but how about you come here in the 12th? Then just don't engage any further, if she brings it up just laugh and change the topic. Just keep doing it.

I used to love going to stay with my Grandparents as a child in the holidays and as a result we had a really close relationship. My children have done the same with my parents and in-laws and had a great time. I think it's sad that your daughter hasn't done this by the age of 12! If you're concerned about her driving, can't your husband take her and pick her up?

Your dd doesn't want to and that's the end of it surely? The driving is a huge NO too. If she brings it up then tell her firmly that dd wants her to come over if she really wants a sleepover. I don't think it's odd at all that some kids don't have sleep overs. I had lots of sleep overs and staying over at cousins and gp's when younger and I can tell you that all I wanted was to be home.

Would dh make dd go? If not then get him to deal with it, just say to mil, ah you can talk to dh about it, then he can say no. He can be the baddy for once.

The daughter doesn't want to. She wants her grandma to cone to theirs. Why do grandparents wants seem to come before the child's?

A six hour round trip with an 85 year old at the wheel would be enough for me to say no.

My parents were reasonably active at 80+, but they tired easily and had a nap at least once a day. MIL’s DH (80) recently drove 2 hours to see family, then 2 hours back a week later, and said it exhausted him and has put him off doing it again. He also said that helping look after DGC was now too much.

What is MIL planning to do with your DD all day? Perhaps her desire to get her to herself has prevented her from actually considering the reality of it.

Sorry your DH is being no help, that’s shit.

Honestly, I find it a bit odd (and a little sad) that that your daughter doesn't have sleepovers with friends or family.

That's not to say she has to have a sleepover with everyone that asks obviously, but spending some extended time together (just them) could be positive for their relationship.

My children see their grandparents frequently, but they still absolutely love a sleepover.

Is it some kind of ideological stance from you on this? Two I can understand but 12!

If your dd really wanted to go, and if it was possible to get her there without a 6-hour drive with either a 10-month-old passenger or an 85-yr-old driver, I'd try to make it happen. But it doesn't sound like your dd is that keen, and the transport is an issue.

Does your DD have sleepovers with friends or other family?

Your DH needs to be liaising with his mother not you

Agree with the driving though

Unless all gps are massive problems I find it bit sad DC never really stayed over. I did week or so every summer holidays from about 5 and we had really good relationships. Most people i know did

Agree with not wanting a child in a cad for 3 hours with an 85 year old tbh. I know a lot of people scream ageism but their reactions and awareness just are not the same as a younger person.

Your daughter would rather she visits than go stay with her so I would just tell her - no DD doesn't want to stay over but she would love to share all of her hang outs with you. If she doesn't want to take that up then that's her loss

Haaa.. I was about to post a MIL situation and my situation probably will evolve to yours one day!

Just to say I feel for you, from my upbringing, my parents never allow us to stay with our grandparents. The reason is strong and valid, they simply said their children is their responsibility and no one else. That would have concluded everything. If anything gone wrong at the MIL , despite say no ones fault it is still your responsibility - some people may come back and said why you could leave the children to old age elderly who can't take care of the teenage in case of emergency.

I see some other posters said grandparents not here for long, but I see also important to go by your gut feeling. You could either provide comprise - which I think you already have by offering open invitation or just speak the truth , it is how you are as a person. At least you won't have any regret by doing what you feel right!

Keep us posted!

Keep things vague 'oh we'll try and find a suitable date'. When my MIL insisted that she only wanted my son to stay with her (but not my daughter), we just nodded, talked about it happening one day and then prompted did nothing to facilitate it.

I wouldn't want my child in a car driven by an 85 year old for 3 hours, so that would be an outright no. I'd take them to stay for a weekend if that's something they wanted to do.

I think it would be nice for them both to build a separate relationship away from you. I really don't understand why you don't want them to.

In my experience it's the more dominating difficult grandparents who keep going on about them alone time. Probably because they want to do things their way. Other easy going people don't mind.

I agree that I wouldn’t want my children driven by an 80 year old for long distances.

Whether or not your child goes to stay with her grandparent is really a question of whether she wants to or not. Grandparents aren’t around forever!

Her being emotionally manipulative does not mean you have to pander to it. Just ignore/laugh as she does, or if it is pushed be clear and say no, that doesn't work for you or your daughter but she is of course always welcome to come to you.