MIL insisting DD comes to stay

Also at that age I wouldn’t want my daughter to be 3 hours away and alone with her in case she was taken ill or …..

Does your DD want to go and stay. I first stayed over with my Grandmother when I was 13, we had a lovely time just the 2 of us. She died shortly after, but I still remember that weekend, some 50 years ago. Obviously if you have concerns then don’t let it happen.

So simple yet brilliant

I thought you were going to say your DD was only a baby/pre schooler! But to never have slept at granny's house by age 12, when it appears granny is interested etc seems odd. Grandparents don't stay forever unfortunately
Do agree on the driving though.

I remember all the wonderful weekends my siblings and cousins spent with my grandmother and my mom was my daughter's bestie and my dad just spoils her and my nephews and they love it ☺️.

I understand not wanting her to drive, but I think it's sad that they've never had time to themselves to develop a close relationship.

Your daughter probably doesn't want to go, because she's not had a chance to develop that closeness and we know the older children get, the more resistant they are being out of their comfort zone 😟.

Well the sleep overs are the least of your problems?

Is he usually such a cunt?

Your poor daughter.

Why would you let your child stay alone with someone who can have huge tantrums?

Say no- and stand your ground.
ignore any nonsense from her.
Emotional manipulators thrive on attention, positive or negative. Don’t give her any.

Well that's a much bigger problem than your MIL.

I assume your daughter has seen this behaviour from him? He's aggressive and throwing things, this isn't an enviroment to be bringing children up in.

Why can't you drop her at your MiLs? I used to stay with my grandparents, and later just Gran. We had great times we'd go on bus trips, take the dog for long walks, make stuff like teasel hedgehogs.

How can she insist!? I she not just inviting or asking?

It's a huge privilege to have grandparents that are alive and want to spend time with grandchildren. Why wouldn't you want your daughter to have this opportunity?

It's, sadly, unlikely that your younger child will get this chance. Why not let it happen for a couple of days?

How would you deal with this?

Say no-then ignore or laugh.

It isn’t clear from your OP whether she’s been asking and you’ve been saying no, or if you said yes and it’s been happening?

By the way, I am a grandma to 7. The GC and I have good relationships and when with me they do different things to at home - definitely less active!

I have had some overnight when the parents needed that help - but it is not my right - I would not be demanding this! Why? - because I am a sane adult! (I think!)

She can insist away - if you or your DD don't want this then that's just tough.

As for your OH ........ I would be having words. He sounds a total P in the A.

Exactly

A 12 yr old doesn't want to spend multiple days with an 85yr old even if it is grandma and she's already said she'd prefer grandma to visit her area which is lovely as it is.

I had a wonderful time with my Nanny, she was literally my favourite person and I regularly had sleep overs nearly every other weekend from about 7/8 but that was built up from a young age and a mutual love, she's one of my soul mates but my mother wouldn't have forced me to go, some of my other siblings never stayed with her as they didn't want to so I would respect your DDs opinion.

I wouldn't be happy with DC being in a car driven by an 85yo who would have driven 6hrs in a day.

Don't make he le cups of tea or dinner while you have a newborn. Stop this immediately. If she's fit and we'll enough to do a 6 hour round trip, she can make the tea for you.

Keep saying no. Laugh. Reinvite her every time. Insist. "But MIL you MUST, DD really wants you to." Make it really uncomfortable.

Your MIL doesn't get to insist on anything to do with your child.

Sadly, the wet lettuce husband depot seems to have made yet another delivery.
Why are there so many of them ...

The driving is a rock solid valid reason to say no.

Your daughter doesn't want to.

You've presented workable and preferable alternatives. Keep offering those and saying no to the unwanted visit.

Your 12 yo DD is old enough to decide whether she wants to stay with her grandmother.

By that age, I can't imagine many wanting to go 3 hrs away to stay 5 days with someone who you don't want driving them, and where they don't know anyone.

It would be different if granny had put in the groundwork and was happy to get to know GD properly and build a relationship in the previous 12 years.

It's more odd/ sad that she never really has sleepovers with anyone. Obviously she doesn't have to stay with Grandma if she doesn't want to, but no sleepover with her best friend, No sleepover with the other grandma who she sees frequently. Yeah, that's odd.

The daughter is likely being manipulated into not wanting to as OP can control her.

If the OP was saying 'DD this is great, some 1-2-1 time with your dear gran, get to have adventures ' I bet the DD would go at a drop of a hat.

Is 12 a typo OP?