MIL insisting DD comes to stay

@WinterWonder ha, cool!

Possible for someone else, but not for him

It's also possible about they wanting personal space rather than not liking you? They do not like the idea of people staying over in they house.

I like my parents but whenever they visit and stay over I felt very uncomfortable. I did not have a good time whenever they stayed over. Our place has enough space.

My FIL & his wife only ever have the kids to stay & never invite us. Despite having a house with enough bedrooms they prefer to put me & my husband up in a travel lodge and just have the kids overnight. They don’t say so, but it’s because they don’t like us. We don’t like him either, but the kids do, so it works out fine.

😂

It.feels.like you would be solely doing it for MIL because you would be.
If your DD wanted to.go I'd maybe suck.it up but she doesn't do don't force.her.

My DD is TH same age, she just doesn't want to have sleepovers at grandparents anymore, just no interest so we don't force it

She can't insist. She doesn't have the authority to. The people who have a final say in this are your DD and you as her parents. You hold all the cards here - you can cut off contact with her altogether if she won't back down on this.

My sister went to stay weekends with the grandmother, what's wrong with it.

Then she didn't want to go as she was just getting a social life at the weekends, then grandmother died anyway sadly.

What is this preciousness all the time?

She doesn't get to insist on anything regarding YOUR children. Ever.

Ignore her, block her, walk away, say no whatever you have to do. It's not up to her.

I'm surprised at the number of people saying I had a lovely time with MY lovely grandparents, so you should let her go. Thats bloody weird. Your grandma being fantastic does not mean OP's MIL would also be fantastic if only "controlling" OP let her child go.

That's some messed up reasoning.

Plus, OP wouldn't be letting the child go, the child doesn't want to, hence OP would be forcing her to go.

So has your daughter just like never had a sleepover with any of her grandparents?
i find that strange. Why not?

from specifically what you’ve written (which is all we can judge on) your mil wants to spend some normal grandparent time with your daughter which may involve staying over etc.

are you a helicopter mum? (A mum who just doesn’t/can’t let go)?
i can’t see anything wrong with grandparents wanting your kids to spend the night.

maybe she keeps insisting because she thinks it’s weird you are saying no.

why shouldn’t they spend time with other family members. As parents we shouldn’t negatively impact our kids lives, and an argument could be made that restricting access to extended family is a negatively controlling behaviour.

I have had this for years with my SIL. She’s lives about 2 hours away from us. Always o we’d love to have the kids stay over. But unless I am desperate for child care there is no need for them to stay over for a weekend. It would be a logistical nightmare. I also don’t know why she is so insistent on it, like your MIL she has never one travelled here and then taken DC out for a day, it seems to be an obsession with having a sleep over

I personally don't see what your problem is. Me and my brother frequently had sleepovers with grandparents. We loved it!

Edit: Ignore my reply, only just seen your update.

If youve noticed that shes manipulative, then I should stay mindful of that fact in your dealings with her AND other family members could be victims of manipulation if youre not careful.!!!!!!! How do you know that anyone is doing Anything of their own free will with a manipulative person. You need a private family conference to decide how you move forward , not including MIL.

Just say no thanks.

Let her rip. Develop a thicker skin. Stop responding to her calls or texts if she persists.

Just say no.

The child doesn't want to, why do people try to make children visit people they have no interest in.

Either way op, YANBU and DH probably learnt his behaviour from her so he needs to get into therapy to unlearn this abusive reaction, not on.

Of course, if her daughter doesn't want to go then that's fair enough. If she had been going to stay with Granny from small it would be different. Once you reach 12/13 you're much more interested in hanging out with your mates than staying with Granny!

I loved staying at my grandparents too, we are lucky we had that.

But in this situation, the daughter doesn’t want to go and stay with her grandma, so I think that’s more than enough of a reason to not let her go. It sounds like she’s much happier seeing grandma on home turf, when her parents are around too.

It's perfectly understandable that a 12-year-old isn't mad keen on the idea of spending three or four days with only her 85-year-old grandmother for company. It's also perfectly understandable that you aren't keen on the idea of an 85-year-old doing a six-hour round trip each way to pick her up! My grandparents were all pretty fit and lively people at that age and both my grandads were still driving short distances, but not three-hour motorway trips with a 12-year-old in the car. And it sucks that she won't come down and visit and spend time with DD that way.

As always with these things, I'm not sure why it's you, rather than your husband, who is having these conversations with your MIL. But at 85, she's not going to change her ways - if anything, she'll get worse, in my experience - so you just have to say 'No, DD would love to see you but neither DD nor DH and I think it's a good idea for her stay over for several nights. It's a very long journey each way which we'd rather you didn't do with her, and 12 is an age where they want to be doing stuff with their friends really.' And then if she keeps on, you say 'I'm sorry, but however many times you ask, the answer will still be no.'

This absolutely! I was also concerned about GP driving DC in similar circumstances.

We had a similar issue with disinterested Grandparent insisting on 14 year old DC coming to stay (never even looked after this DC before!) I'd already organised DC meeting up with primary friends they missed, that week including paid for summer sports clubs. DC didn't want to miss this.

I offered instead to drive DC down myself and collect again in two days, but it was a whole week or nothing, Wouldn't meet us halfway.

Does you DD honestly actively not want to go? Everyone is saying that, but I can't see where you have written it (unless I missed it). I know you said your daughter would prefer MIL to visit you, but as that isn't on the table for whatever reason (maybe she doesn't like staying away from home? My mom at that age wouldn't either, and she is a lovely person) would your dd rather go on this trip, or not see her gran.

If dd is willing to go I would go for it - you may not like MIL yourself but it is your dd's blood relative, and also it's a chance for her to have a bit of independence staying away from her parents, and just a different experience which will break up the long summer holidays - I'd go for it if I were you.

You don't have to like MIL, but don't cut of your nose to spite your face (IYSWIM) - she is offering your DD an opportunity for a little trip, and you a chance to focus on your little one for a few days.....

Send 'D'H for a sleepover. A couple of weeks would be nice.