To be annoyed DH won't do more to avoid COVID to ensure IVF goes smoothly

Or the other day ordered a salami pizza because he fancied it, why not just completely give up cold cuts?? Or he has to be reminded to eat more veg, sighs at it but in the end does eat it...

I understand your anxiety, you really want this to work, but I think you’ve lost perspective.

Salami? Why does he have to give up salami?

Good luck with the IVF my husband didn't do anything to help the process, no changes to his lifestyle. Despite this it worked, twice! Try relax a bit, it's stressful enough without worrying about all the possible affects

Op I Understand that IVF is a huge thing.

But you are becoming obsessive. I suspect you and him are in a really negative cycle. You are on edge and obsessing about everything. Particularly the things he isn’t doing. So he makes a big deal out of the things he is doing. You can see he is doing these things but obsess about what he isn’t doing, then he feels he is being expected to stop most things and you get more upset and so on.

A salami pizza isn’t going to damage his sperm. And you thoughts about the office vs a concert isn’t quite right. Offices with aircon spread germs like wildfire. As to door handles, flat surfaces etc. and he will be close contact with these people for longer.

I understand how important this is too you. But you can’t control every tiny thing.

Salami?!

How do German people reproduce? This is insane, 1 pizza with salami on it will have zero impact on his sperm. Absolute insanity.

The stress of all these rules you're imposing on both of you is probably going to also have an effect on your chances of conceiving.

Try to weigh it up that way.

TBH I'd be more concerned about how much parenting he will do if it clashes with his social life.

That’s a bit harsh! Even though I can see it’s probably a waste of time shielding, I can have some empathy for a woman who is likely highly anxious about being able to conceive!

Yabu. Avoiding crowds no alcohol (but do it quietly), then it's the pizza. It is too much. Sympathise as it must be very difficult to go through ivf but i think you need to work on your own worries around it.

I think you found very stressed OP. You feel like you're doing everything to maximise your chances of pregnancy and your DH isn't - whether that's a poor diet, risk of contagious diseases....you want to control what you can because you are so desperate for the IVF to work.

Talk to your DH. He doesn't sound as invested - certain things he's not prepared to give up. Really you can't force him though, and you'll damage your relationship trying. Does he really want another baby, or is it something he's "prepared" to do "for" you as long as it some too inconvenient?

Will one salami pizza cause the problem? Is processed meat being eaten twice a day every day?

I'd be more worried about having a baby with someone who's social life is so important to them. You'll be back here in a year saying that you're getting no support and DH is out every night at x,y and z while you're home alone with the baby

Yabu
your obsessing to the point you will drive him away
yes you want every thing to be as perfect as you can but it may get to a point where he buggers off because he’s sick of being micro managed
calm it diwn

I was in a situation 2 years ago where DH had a major sporting event overseas and he absolutely didn't want to get covid. I skipped a work summer event which I would have enjoyed and we both skipped a family meal where family members who we hardly see had travelled over from Canada & Australia.

You can guess what happened, we got covid 2 weeks before the event. We think DH got it first even though he works from home and had avoided people for 4 weeks, we think from a delivery driver or a single visit to the supermarket.

Having said that, we have been through infertility in the past and I appreciate you wanting to do everything in your control to increase your chances, but I sadly I don't think covid is one you can control.

I don’t think that eating salami has much effect on sperm quality. If it did, how would Italians reproduce (or Germans, all those cured sausages, and as for the Poles….).

Tension and stress are far more likely to adversely affect both partners.

Why can’t he eat salami? I’m sure you’re not a nightmare but some of your posts…

Don’t listen to twaddle like this OP. Having the thought that maybe it’s best to avoid pathogens (of any type) whilst undergoing a difficult and costly procedure - is not a mental health problem. Don’t let people gaslight you like that. The species has existed because some people think more about danger. That doesn’t make it a mental health illness. It makes you sensible. It’s what you do with those thoughts that’s important.
Communication and finding middle ground with both partners is imperative here.

(and yes some people are still shielding and covid isn’t a flu or passing (whatever the fuck that means).).

I can sympathise with OP here. I recognise it seems controlling on the face of it, but the mental and physical drain of IVF on a woman can leave her in tatters, not to mention the added crash of possibly not getting pregnant after it or the (yes, also joyful) but very scary pregnancy afterwards. Oh and then the birth. Oh and then the newborn and recovery. When all the man has to do is jizz into a cup, it matters to show up for your partner in absolutely any way you can. After all, any sacrifice for the man is completely temporary, whereas the process of IVF and subsequent loss or (painful) gain can very likely stay with with the woman for decades, if not for life.

I’m interested by how sure lots of people are about OP being wrong.

Imagine- you’d spent £25k on a once in a lifetime holiday, no insurance possible ahead of time. You can’t go if you have Covid or a broken leg.
Do you carry on as normal the month before, gigging and going to skateboard festivals
or
Avoid crowds and skateboarding to reduce your chances of COVID and broken legs?

I know IVF is stressful in itself but you sound incredibly controlling and germophobic: I wonder how you’ll cope with an actual baby if you do get pregnant. No one is shielding anymore, Covid is but a passing flu. I understand the issue about speem production but you both don’t exist in a bubble. I’d speak to your doctor and see if you can get some mental health support whilst on your IVF journey as it seems to be making you obsessive.

Honestly OP, I agree with you. There are lots of unknowns around covid and I wouldn’t want to be risking it at such a crucial time. (Nor for any medical procedure).
There’s so much bad science and understanding on the majority of mumsnet (and everywhere) about Covid and any pathogens in general) - probably because if people actually knew or accepted what it was doing to their bodies they’d have to accept their lifestyles aren’t healthy or moral.
And the majority think “living with” means ignoring and forgetting it’s existence rather than putting little mitigations in place so it’s actually not so bad so it can be lived with (and not died with). And to protect those who are still vulnerable to it in society.
Unfortunately as everyone says - everyone has moved on - and so instead we look forward to the morbidity of repeated infections.

Not being funny but if a woman posted here saying her husband was controlling to the point that he got aggy with what pizza topping she ate, she’d be told her is abusive / controlling and she should LTB

On the surface level YABU, especially about the salami!

HOWEVER. As someone who spent £25k on IVF, believe me when I say I absolutely understand and those people who have never done it cannot possibly know how terrifying and all consuming it is. My last cycle was 2019 and I absolutely would have been terrified of Covid interfering with my plans had it been a year later.

Why isn’t he allowed salami??

Honestly you are being very controlling and hard work. There is no reason why he shouldn’t go out. Leave the man be.

How's he getting on parenting your existing child? Is he fully on board with this round of IVF? I'd say you're being OTT but on the other hand, you both need to be in agreement about this particular phase in your life and it sounds like he's brushing off your concerns.