To be annoyed DH won't do more to avoid COVID to ensure IVF goes smoothly

I think almost all the risk assessments we all make on a daily basis are undertaken with limited or inaccurate information. I don't really know the impact of the food I eat, the air I breathe or the suncream I slap on my family. Covid is just another one of these things. You will drive yourself insane looking for definitive answers on these things as 9/10 we simply do not know.

I think most people know that covid hasn't gone away and anecdotally know 3 people that have had it in the last month. I still have chosen to socialise as normal though and have been to theatres etc. Put frankly, it's a risk I'm willing to take!

I would be interested to know what little mitigations you think should be put in place though?

We've been to dozens of concerts with hundreds or thousands of people this year.
Haven't had as much as a sniffle.
It seems a shame to limit yourself to work and family over something that may not happen. I don't think I would do it. Id have missed out on the last six months of the things that for me make life good, and all for nothing.

There's a difference between dictating and expecting your partner to show up for you during a substantially difficult period.

That doesn't give her the right to dictate everything he does and eats. I say this as an infertile woman.

I wholeheartedly agree everything is risk based and done on personal preference and personal risk. However I’m afraid most people are not making that decision daily over infection e.g. with Covid with all the facts.
See all the posts where people do not know what’s happening and minimising it as a cold. See all the threads (like the HEPA) in schools one - where people think kids stay healthy by repeatedly being infected and ill etc.
People are not making these decisions based on having all the facts. How many people think Covid is seasonal or has gone away (meanwhile we’re in the biggest wave for ages).
And not only that - everyone not making little mitigations is putting those who are still CEV at risk just to go for medical care.

*sneezed

I know you learnt your lesson, but this is why I laugh at people who do this. Because no matter how many times people tell them stories like yours, they still think it will help.
When in reality, if you're exposed to very low doses all the time you are much better off than someone isolating and then boom going out. It's not healthy to not see any germs for 4 weeks.
As a side note, it is highly unlikely to get COVID or any illness for that matter, from someone delivering a package. Unless they needed on you, you're not going to get ill. It's outside, the viral load the exert by breathing by your front door is just not enough to infect you

Most probably as they already have a child

Your DH could just as easily catch COVID from his asymptomatic friend at lunch as he could at a concert (well you can't catch COVID since it's a disease state, you can sometimes develop the illness once exposed to the sars cov 2 virus.) Your DH could have it now with no symptoms. It's completely unrealistic to think you can avoid common viruses and you are being controlling.
I've only had COVID once despite working with the public throughout the pandemic. I got it from a single colleague (no doubts, we worked in a small room alone together for the day and he was symptomatic). I've likely been exposed to it hundreds of times, indeed my own child has had it 3 times and despite cuddles etc i never got it from them. I think only certain people spread COVID, my colleague ended up infecting the entire workplace. Bit of tangent but moral of the story you can't hide from viruses., or control what other people eat!

I think you missed the point?
Imagine you can’t go on a trip if you have Covid…

It sprang to mind because DH was averse to testing and to change so we didn’t attempt a holiday while there were restrictions in place.

I think a lot of people here would be pissed off if their partner was risking that kind of holiday.

Well broken leg might be an issue but COVID less so. And you maybe couldn't stop having a life for the month before a holiday " just in case"

YABU, and honestly, you need to relax and enjoy yourselves, especially for the sake of your existing child, who is probably already being affected by you going through the stress of IVF. Why does having a pizza with salami matter in the slightest? Conception, natural or assisted, is honestly mostly chance. There's only so far that lifestyle changes will help. Loads of people have Covid and never know, I don't know anyone that tests, it's just another virus like getting a cold.

Nope faulty logic. Doesn't matter if there is a whole concert full of people with COVID, if you're just walking past them and spending 30 seconds close to them, your viral load will not be high.
However if you spend multiple consecutive days with Susan from the office and share notes and what not in a meeting, viral load is much higher.

This is a ridiculous post because it ignores the fact that to function we all have to assess and manage risk on a daily basis in virtually all aspects of our lives. The level of mitigation we put in place will be direct correlated to how we perceived the risk (which is inherently subjective) and our priorities.

Even something as simple as having a glass of water could be considered risky or bad for your health if you think of micro plastics, forever chemicals etc. You could drink only tap water, filter it to death, boil it and it will still have some kind of impurities that aren't great for you. Getting into a car is one of the most risky things you can do if you look at the statistics but most people need to do this on a daily basis...

My point is that we all need to take a pragmatic approach to risk. This isn't the same as 'ignoring' it, but it's more about making informed choices and ultimately choosing also to live with the consequences. I believe this is what OP's DH has done. Having a good social life is really important to him and he is ultimately not willing to sacrifice this for what could be a very marginal change in the chances of the IVF succeeding. OP feels differently, which is fine, but it seems that she has become extremely risk adverse and unhealthily obsessed with trying to manage all risk down to zero. This will not only increase everyone's stress and anxiety but also give her a false sense of certainty which just doesn't exist when it comes to IVF. OP and her DH could do absolutely everything 'right' and IVF could still not work.

Why wouldn't you be able to go on a once in a lifetime trip if you had Covid? There are no restrictions and you don't need to test anymore?

Ask him if he’d prefer using donated sperm so he can relax about Covid and salami.

I think I’d be like you, OP. It feels like one person is making every effort, the other isn’t. And it’s a 25k investment.

Realistically one salami pizza won’t be the deciding factor, but I can see how you’d feel risking Covid, and a poor diet together might- and it’s pepperoni pizza tonight, salami sandwich tomorrow…

Is poor quality sperm an issue for IVF? I don’t know anything about it and assumed fertilising the egg was the easy bit.

Or the other day ordered a salami pizza because he fancied it, why not just completely give up cold cuts??

You can't be serious.

How on board is he with this?

How good a dad/husband is he?

Yeah sorry you sound controlling, does he actually want another child? It’s up to him how much he wants to sacrifice to have another baby and how willing he is to engage in behaviours which might have a (likely minor) effect on his sperm. As others have said, being stressed and unhappy is more likely to have an effect than catching covid or eating salami anyway, let him live a normal life! Maybe even look into sperm donation?

I've not heard of people who are trying naturally trying to avoid covid so don't see why you would need to for IVF

Poor man - not allowed salami and nagged to eat more vegetables.

I know the struggle of infertility and I have been through IVF myself. And I still think YABU - it’s impossible to fix and control everything before hand. Things that affect fertility in both sexes big time are lean BMI, healthy diet and staying active and these are all within your control whereas catching covid is not.

Never mind COVID, you say your husband loves his social life too much, does he realise how much having a baby will impact his social life our does he plan to continue on as normal and leave you holding the baby? If so that will become wearing very quickly. Have you both discussed how life will change drastically?