To be annoyed DH won't do more to avoid COVID to ensure IVF goes smoothly

I can understand wanting to reduce risk to covid. There is tons of research on effects, including things like erectile dysfunction and fertility issues. Many might also just feel ropey for a few months, and of course that's alongside the 1/30 in UK that now have long covid. It seems more bizarre that you wouldn't try to do what you can to maximise chances of ivf success, rather than doing what you can to maximise covid reinfections. Hope the treatment works out for you.

What a batshit crazy post 😳

OP, I understand the pain of TTC, and can only appreciate how difficult going through IVF must be. However, you cannot deny yourself all the pleasures in life or it will consume you, and put you in a worse mental place. It sounds like DH is trying to still enjoy things in life outside of it - maybe be kind to yourself and plan some fun things too. it may take your mind off it all for a little while, which can only be beneficial x

OP, kindly, YABU, and controlling

I understand why, but you're being overbearing.

Despite being told by many PP, you seem to not be understanding or grasping of that.

People get depressed if they can’t do anything in their life that they enjoy op

But he isn't being offered £10k not to go to a football game.

Instead if he goes to the football there is a tiny chance he might catch covid and a small chance if he did that might impact on IVF, which also even without those variables has a percentage chance of success or failure.

Whereas if he doesn't go to the football he definitely loses the opportunity to spend social time with friends and watch an activity that he is passionate about.

Seems like lots of compelling reasons to go to the football to me.

You sound really controlling OP. I get that IVF will be stressful but you will push him away if you continue to mother him.

Unfortunately close contact isn't the only thing that matters. COVID is airborne and if you're in the same indoor space as a person with COVID, even if it's a big space, they can infect you, especially if the place doesn't have good ventilation. For example if you went shopping at quiet times but without a FFP2/3 mask, you could've caught it from the shop attendant even if you kept far away from them. That's why masking in public places is probably no 1 mitigation and it's been a big failure of policy in the UK that it wasn't the main thing to highlight.

Ofc I get that COVID mitigation isn't the main point of this thread so I'll stop now, I don't want to derail it for the OP.

Also, what if this doesn’t work? Would he get the blame? You might be setting him up to feel incredibly guilty and cause resentment

I caught covid the week I had done NOTHING close contact. I had even shopped during early quiet part of the day. I really think that restricting anyone's movements is pretty futile. If the viral load is high where you are then you may catch it. That sadly is the reality.

As someone who A - has been through fertility issues and B - has OCD… I completely get it. It’s all consuming.

but it seems like you are (understandably) incredibly anxious about this going smoothly, an unhealthy amount, and you want your DH to feel the same way you do.

you cannot expect someone to approach things the same way as you or also take on your anxieties.

But surely they go to groups and places with other children?

I would go further and say that many of the problems on Mumsnet are down to women expecting that men feel – or should feel – exactly the same way as they do about everything.

A nice idea, but not realistic.

OP you keep up like this and you'll break up your existing family.

You can't tell another adult not to go to a football game/concert/eat meat/drink alcohol. You sound obsessed and controlling.

Kindly but this is batshit.

She wants him house bound, teetotal and only eating things she approves of.

And they already have a child so clearly they're capable.

I can only imagine what a man would be called if he expected that of his wife.

Sorry what? You expect him to give up meat too?

Until they get the baby of course and realise its work

This sounds really intense. Can you both sit and agree some boundaries? It’s hardly going to be a positive and equal healthy relationship if you’re nagging him to eat vegetables. That said, he needs to be clear he is committed to this as you’re putting yourself through a huge amount both financially and - for you - physically.

@HowIrresponsible

oh I think they can be. They may not have a clue at the hardship involved but I know for a fact in some couples it’s the man who wants kids waaaaaay more than the woman.

I can't comment on the pizza stuff, but on the COVID I'm going to provide a different perspective here.

I haven't had COVID as far as I know, and I test regularly due to caring for an elderly disabled person. In fact I haven't had as much as a sniffle in almost 5 years and I am in very good health, much more so than before the pandemic.

I also don't shield. I go to concerts, art galleries, plays etc, I travel. I work mostly from home but I do go to big work events occasionally. I meet with friends and family. My life is nice and I enjoy it to the full.

However I am not ignoring COVID. It is a serious illness with serious consequences for many people. It still kills significantly more people in the UK than car accidents, and we do use mitigations (seatbelts, insurance etc) for cars! There is no cure or treatment for Long COVID and nobody can predict who gets it. There are many people in the UK who have had to leave their jobs due to it, and at least 3% of the population suffers with it as per ONS figures. Cumulative infections increase risk.

So I take it seriously. I wear a FFP2/3 mask when I am in public indoor spaces. I am particularly strict about it in transport e.g. planes, buses. I don't eat in busy restaurants unless they have an outdoor patio. When I meet with loved ones and friends I ask them to cancel if they have any illness in their households, and I open windows. If they come to stay over they also have to test beforehand because my house, my rules. I go to a dentist who uses HEPA filters in their office and takes proper PPE seriously. I acknowledge there's also a degree of luck involved.

I don't find that this limits my life. I haven't hidden away. I've accepted that society has changed permanently to a degree, with the introduction of a new serious contagious illness in 2020, something that many people seem to be unable to process mentally. I don't blame them, there is also an incentive from capitalist interests to consume as normal and pretend everything is fine. However, acknowledging there's been a change doesn't have to be an apocalypse. There is a middle ground between "ignore ignore nothing is happening" and total shielding.

Many people pushed back against seatbelts when they were introduced, or against smoking bans. Now they are part of life. Someone asked what mitigations we could introduce against COVID- I think we can, and should normalise masking Japan style, and/or air filters and good ventilation in public spaces.

TL;DR: Your husband could wear a quality mask while your IVF is going on and still go to big events and enjoy life. They are very effective.

At first I thought that you were being unreasonable but having read comments from other posters about their IVF experiences and how every little thing can contribute to either success of failure, I don't think that you are.
He needs to get fully onboard to make this work. Is it really so much to ask him to change his life for a while? Especially when you think about how much pregnancy and a newborn will impact yours.

So I guess he does want another baby to some extent but perhaps not as desperate for one as me?

Controversial view but I don't think men ever are desperate for children the way women are.