To feel in this is unkind

How strange. Family usually doesn't work this way... You aren't a lodger! Can't imagine saying this to my kids, I'd be thrilled they're home again. But maybe there's a backstory.

Unless you're home every night talking their ears off while they try to have a quiet night in - then yes, it's unkind. I'd feel very unwelcome and be looking to move back out asap.

Thats bloody awful. No way would I banish my adult son to his bedroom every evening, so I could spend alone time with a bloke. Shame on her. Bet it’s his idea though… what a fucking pair.

The OP has said that she has a small bedroom (with a television) so assuming she’s confined to a ‘box room’ as a slight stretch. She was told the terms before moving in & presumably knew the room size. I live with my two adult sons & we spend some time alone, some together, so it does seem odd to have this watershed, but I don’t have to factor in time as a couple.

YANBU
that's a bit unfriendly!
I'd never say that to my daughter

That’s very harsh. Is your mum trying to encourage you to get out and socialise/exercise/study by making home only a place to stay and sleep? Clumsy if she is. I’m sorry you are experiencing this.

Thats what happens when stepparents come on the scene. Shame on your mother for going along with this.

Good lord that’s awful. What a horrible mum. I can’t imagine feeling anything other than delighted if my daughter wanted to spend time with me! is it possibly her husband driving this and being controlling? Any red flags for him?

My Mum used to do this to me growing up from about age 12ish. It would be her “9pm watershed” time and she’d basically expect me to get lost - I usually just went up to my bedroom. She made it very clear I wasn’t welcome in the living room anymore. It was very isolating. I would never do that to my own dc.

I honestly couldn't imagine ever saying that to my adult child or my mum saying that to me, I would really try to get something else lined up.

I love my daughter with every single fibre of my being. She will always take precedence over any man in my home. So no, you’re not being unreasonable at all. Save up and move out and don’t look back.

How cruel of them OP. I couldn't do that to a stranger never mind my own flesh and blood.
It's Ok for them to want some privacy a couple of days a week - but every evening?
So you go out to work, come home then sit in your little box room like a prisoner?
It would be OK if you could at least be somewhere else, maybe the dining room , conservatory etc but if there are no other communal areas it's very harsh.

My niece has been living with me for a year and mostly spends her evenings in her room. She's got a decent sized bedroom, so she's comfortable. She is very welcome to spend her evenings with me and she sometimes does, but she prefers to be on her own.

I couldn't imagine telling her not to join me in the family room.

That’s just horrible - my parents would never, ever have treated me or my siblings like that and I can’t imagine ever doing it to my own DC. They’re my lovely DC, not just some sort of inconvenience or nuisance.

Not much you can do I guess, but as PP suggested, try to find some activities you can do in the evening. I hope you’re in a position to get your own place soon. And once you have managed to move out I wouldn’t be visiting very often!

I only say this, as I've seen these threads before when it's a stepmother with an adult child at home and this is usually the advice they are told.

Ouch that's harsh, but in some way she's setting that up now so you don't outstay your welcome. I'd try and find some hobbies or go for walks in the evening to get some space for yourself too

Must be a stepfather. I can’t ever imagine a father not wanting his daughter in the same room. And your mother is putting a bloke ahead of her daughter. I couldn’t ever imagine doing that either. I definitely would find a house share and not rush to visit them.

It’s shit but I’d joke about giving her the same treatment when she’s elderly. ‘Of course you can live with me mum as long as you stay out of my/the family’s way. I’ll make sure there’s a cosy box room
for you…’.

If you can’t use the full house, you need to be paying less, just from a logical standpoint.

and from an emotional one: yeah, that’s harsh and it’s bullshit. They encouraged you to move in, but want you to stay away? Fuck that noise

It seems a bit unkind to just blanket ban you from ever being there.
I understand they want couples time and have shows they like, but surely they could say 'oh tonight we're watching x so could you make yourself scarce?'
But I guess it is their choice. I guess they might be seeing it like a lodger situation. Where you do pay rent but you're not really meant to spend much time in communal areas. Pretty mean on your mum's part. Maybe it's more driven by her partner?
I hope you can save up and move out soon.

I would be hurt if my mum said this to me. I know I would not say it to my daughter if she was in your position. I love my own space and get they want their own time, but to tell you not to sit with them every night is mean.

They maybe see the family meal together as the time together and then the lounge is their time together. It’s weird but as your mums husband is not your dad, I’m assuming they want some couple time and weren’t expecting to have to share their evenings again once you’d moved out.
Definitely look for another option as if you’re paying your way here how will you save for a move on/out?

100% this . My parents would love to have us sat with them if we were living there. It's really unkind OP.

Every night? Yeah, no. I'm the kind of introvert who thrived during lockdown and can go weeks with zero human contact and be fine and even I think that's a bit much. A few evenings a week maybe, sure, everyone needs their downtime. Every night expecting you to just hole up in your room like a teenager is mean.

I was just told I could move back home but they’d like their evenings to themselves so to stay in my room and give them space.

They told you upfront, though?