To feel in this is unkind

God it would break my heart to think any of my kids felt like this because of me.

Make sure she remembers and regrets this when he's gone.

But she’s not a lodger - she’s family!

Can’t get over people who think this is ok - yes it might be technically “fair” but kind, absolutely not. Can you not see that this is essentially saying “we don’t like or want your company?”

All the people who think OP is over-reacting - would you treat your own adult child like this?

@Recool at the end of the day, it's their house, not OP's.

She's avoided all questions about what she does at the weekends so I'd imagine she's out at weekends and then expects her parents to entertain her after work

I simply cannot imagine treating my child like this, whatever their age or circumstances. I would find anyone who thinks this is reasonable as very odd indeed.

Do you have meals with them? What happens at weekends?

I agree with this- one or two couples nights is reasonable boundary but never being allowed into the living room is so sad! I agree a house share would help you feel more included

This is really sad, I would hate for my child to feel like this in my /our home when he's an adult. Sorry you don't feel welcome or included. Xxx

I pay £400 a month to go to work all day and sit in a tiny bedroom until bedtime.

Well, no. You pay a pretty low rent to have a comfortable room, the use of fuel, water, the TV licence, internet connection, rubbish collection, cooking and washing facilities, including presumably use of the washing machine etc. etc. Don't get this out of proportion.

So move out. You're the same age as me and sound so incredibly ungrateful.

I'm sure you can sit with them as long as you don't disturb their evenings? My mum and I do that, we sit together with the telly in the background as we read.

Do you make an effort at weekends? Or is it just during their peaceful time?

Hmm, I can see both sides.

I have an adult DS at home. He wouldn't want to come and sit with me in the evenings every night! He has his own stuff going on. Likewise, I'm happy to sit and chat with him but if it was every night, wanting to chat, I would find it too much.

On the other hand, I couldn't imagine telling him he wasn't welcome at all! That does seem harsh. But if they like to sit quietly and you're wanting to chat all the time, I can see where the issue might be.

You're being over dramatic to say "we aren't a family any more". Maybe just accept that they're different to you? They were kind enough to let you come and stay.

Honestly I find it infuriating when someone is chatting while I’m watching something or reading my book. By the time I’ve settled down for the evening I’m tired and just want some quiet. I love my kids to death but sometimes don’t want to chat with them.

I think you’re massively over reacting. When you’re sitting with them do you read the room and recognise that they don’t want conversation or are you interrupting their quiet time?

This is a massive overreaction.

I'm 25, and still living at home due to the economy. I know my parents' boundaries and respect them because at the end of the day, no matter how much you're paying to them, it's less than it would cost to live alone and they're doing you a massive favour.

Not wanting to chat in an evening doesn't mean you're no longer family.

How long has your mum's husband lived there? Do you think this is coming from your mum or her husband? I wouldn't do this with my adult kids.

OP, I would take it that they want to help you out but they want their space.
Take what is offered and actively look for a room in a shared house with young people.
Try not to take it personally.

They can have their alone time in their private space, surely.

My dad and his partner love it when I stay I get treated like a queen by both! Thats pretty tough of them. I hope for your sake it’s coming from the husband not your mum.

OP, it sounds to me like they said you could come back home, in their duty as parents, but they are letting you know loudly and clearly not to get too comfortable.

As others have said, effectively banning you from relaxing in the lounge in the evenings is incredibly mean.

In your shoes, I'd be looking to get out of there as soon as possible - and I wouldn't be in a hurry to go back and visit!

Who actually owns the house - as you say it's your Mum's house so did she own it before she met her husband - as i guess he is not your father.
Is it your childhood home ?

have you ever lived with both of them before in the house ?

' unforeseen circumstances ' did you ask if you could live there or did your Mum offer ?

how long for - was this discussed beforehand - is it a temp measure or did you think you would be living there for years ?
What were your plans for your future as you moved in ?

Are you paying 50% or 33% of the mortgage/rent or is it owned outright
are you paying 50% or 33% of all the bills.

I guess they are happy / content / used to their own company in the evening, watching whatever they usually watch on TV or reading or doing crossword puzzles or however they usually spend their evening and now having another adult being there is interrupting their evenings, especially if you chat or want a conversation ?

Do either of them work during the day ?

I find that very odd behaviour from your Mum and her husband. Is it your stepfather? Is he controlling?
That would really upset me, and I’d never say that to my kids.

Thanks for reply @Sweetunicorn I agree it’s not unreasonable for them and you to want to spend some time apart in the evenings as posters have mentioned. You are out all day so not hanging round being a plague, and eat as a family, so far so good. It’s the “telling you” you are not welcome in family area EVERY NIGHT instead of the organic “I’m/we’re nipping out to the gym tonight” or “I’m watching TV upstairs” general family conversations most people have.

I get she’s invited you to stay and laid ground rules beforehand, but you’re obviously there because there’s been some kind of problem with your previous home so it’s likely not a good time emotionally for you. It just seems to make the invitation to stay so grudging.

Definitely speak to your mum alone and tell her how you feel. Or maybe find a friend to share with - it’s better than feeling like the poor relation hidden from view.

What happens at the weekends? Are you allowed to use the room then? Are you able to make your bedroom nicer?

my adult son lives with me and my partner in our home. He has our small double spare bedroom which when he is here he is usually in ,his choice.

Our house is not very big at all so we’ve tried to get it organised as best as we can as we bought the house thinking it would just be the two of us.My partner wfh in the smallest bedroom.

my son only very occasionally uses the lounge and I’d love a bit of company to be honest. He has his meals separate from us usually (works unsociable hours) either at the table in the lounge or in his room.p, nowhere to sit in the kitchen as too small.

We also have a very small dining room which I’ve changed into a second tiny living area with our old small sofa in it so there’s two separate rooms with sofas in for people to sit in. So I’ve tried my best to make it so we all have a bit of space but we all struggle to find somewhere to relax.

I think it sounds uncomfortable I am sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience with my parents. My dad was relentless making me feel uncomfortable as though I didn’t belong in the house. He had recently retired so I was just in the way. My mum said/did nothing. Weird though, they were upset when I moved out (and never returned) mid-20s with my BF who is now my husband. Meanwhile siblings went back and forward but they didn’t have the rough time I did. I was really low-key too, never went out except to work. I kept my room clean and tidy.

I think sometimes it can just be unpleasant for no logical reason. I agree with posters who suggest to find share accommodation. You should not need to tip toe around your own living space.

I don’t think there is an issue with them wanting to spend ‘some’ time as a couple - you are 25 not 15 and assumedly have your own life too by now? I’d also assume you have tact and give them some space sometimes without assuming it all has to involve you, Obviously never being allowed in the lounge seems pretty odd and assuming you don’t make the atmosphere unpleasant, I can’t see why this would be the case - why don’t you ask her the reasons?