To feel in this is unkind

This is so mean. You are not unreasonable at all.
I hope you find a happier place to be.

Hmm. Due to where I live, I have family stay with us for weeks to months at a time. The part about finishing from work, making conversations over dinner AND making chit chat when all I want is to sit in a bit of silence with a show on is incredibly hard work. Some people love to chat, some people want quiet time and I find that chit chat very annoying. BIL especially loved sitting around us. 3 weeks of that drove me nuts and we haven't had him stay since.

I wouldn't do that to my own child because we are close enough and I love them and their company in a way I don't love anyone else, but her husband is not your dad? You don't even call him step dad? In which case you are not close enough for that and yeah, you need to move out. He's not actually family and is putting up with you for his wife's sake. £400 is very low compared to any shared house so either move out or suck it up.

I feel for you. I had to move back in with my parents in my 20s and it was pretty awful. Yes I was very lucky that they put a roof over my head but it really changed how I felt about my childhood home in that it no longer felt like home and I don't really feel any connection to my parents house now at all and I love my own space.
After that I went to uni at 23yrs, I was in a house share and did absolutely everything to not come home in the holidays, either travelling abroad or sometimes staying in halls of residence over the summer. At the end of uni I got married and moved in with my exHusband grateful I didn't have to go back again.
I would be really hurt if my kids felt that way about my home.

Do you go out in the evenings? Hobby/gym/friends?

Can you get a bar job or something - kills two birds, more money and a bit of a social life?

I think it could be her husband, he likes to sit in silence and watch the telly while my mum scrolls silently through her phone so I think they just see any friendly conversation as disturbance. I’m much more extrovert than them

Well I think this is the problem really
You're saying friendly conversation but the reality is some people really just don't want this in an evening. Every night in your room obviously sounds a bit shit but if he/they just want to switch off and you keep talking despite being aware that they just want to sit in silence, that can be pretty grating.

£400 per month including bills presumably isn't what you would pay in a shared house with full use of facilities - do your parents work as well? When I have people staying here for several days I too find it exhausting having someone in the lounge every night and the pressure to make conversation etc and the feeling my home isn't my own and I can't relax - the way they have gone about it is a bit abrupt/rude but I can see where they are coming from at least some of the week

It's harsh, but I wouldn't want to, anyway.
Was very lucky to be out at 22.
Bloody life dynamics I never got to choose.

If you did sit in the lounge would you be chatting and trying to talk? Only when I watch TV or read I can't stand it if someone is talking to me. I just wonder if they know from past experience that you'll just chat.

My MIL is a nightmare for chatting when watching TV and she knows it irritates people. It's got to the point where FIL saves certain TV programmes for when she's not around. But yet she still never shuts up when the TV is on.

That's awful OP.

I could understood if they said give then a couple of nights alone but every night?! That is ridiculous

It does seem very cold, though I guess they are able to set their own rules in their own house.

I think I’d be looking for another billet in your shoes esp with the amount they’re charging.

You do realise you would probably pay double that to sit in your own studio/bedsit though. Why not "start over" elsewhere if this is a big deal to you ?

I think your final comment shows you may be being overdramatic about this. If you were simply a guest on a short term stay then no doubt they would want to socialise with you.

You talk about starting over which suggests something has gone wrong. They allowed you to move back to start over but set ground rules. Perhaps they do want you to move on sooner rather than later and know if you get your feet too firmly under the table you won't move on.

£400 a month is cheap living (certainly in my neck of the woods). Especially if that includes all the bills. What about food? You'd be looking at £900 a month for a room in a shared house without bills or anything where I live.

I assume your mum's DH is not your dad. Her life has moved on and, although she wants to help you out, she must also take care of her own relationship and well being because that's what she'll be left with once you've gone again. Just suck it up and sort your own life out.

I think it could be her husband, he likes to sit in silence and watch the telly while my mum scrolls silently through her phone so I think they just see any friendly conversation as disturbance. I’m much more extrovert than them

This could be the issue. I am very introverted this way and need my downtime. I could be autistic but not sure. The point is I would find it very hard for someone to be there every evening if I just wanted to sit and watch tv and not talk. I do it now again if people come over but I'd find it hard if my parents, siblings, stepchildren were there every night.

Them saying this to you is not nice especially when you are paying to be there but I think this is the issue - that they want quiet time and if you are being sociable it's too much every day. Could you speak to your mum about how it makes you feel and maybe say you understand they need their downtime so won't be in their space all the time but is it okay if you sit with them some evenings. If you're very extroverted then it can be too much for an introvert.

I still don't think I'd do this to my children but then again even my husband and I don't sit down in a room together every evening. We do our own thing and like our own space sometimes.

Id resent paying them so maybe find something else and remember how they treated you if they're ever old and ask to move in!

Your mum is massively unreasonable you're paying your way and won't be there long. Probably her husband made this an issue

I can’t get my head round people who think this is an ok way to treat your child. Or any close family member. It is quite sad really. Nobody should be effectively banished to their bedroom every evening. Nobody wants to go out every night. Sometimes you want to relax at home.

I feel sad for you OP that your mum is treating you like this. It’s not about rent etc; it is sending a message that you are not that important and your wellbeing doesn’t matter that much x

Wow, I can’t believe they are charging you 400 a month, no way you cost that much then make you sit in your room.

get out op. Find someplace else.

£100 a week, and that includes food - does it include lunch i.e. do you take your food to work or do you buy it out.

This, absolutely this. You're massively overreacting.

Right ok. Something has gone wrong with your last job/ flat/ relationship (completely normal in your 20s) and they've taken you back in, probably most happy to do so, but they value their peace and quiet of an evening and have managed this in a rather heavy handed way. It's hurtful.

This doesn't mean you're no longer family (your response there is a bit of a giveaway that their side may not just be cruelty, sorry, even if they haven't gone about this perfectly). It does mean, if you're extroverted, make or rekindle local friendships, find hobbies, do things locally. Abide by their rules for now and save for your own place (shared or whatever's suitable).

If you're quite a lively character and they like quiet in an evening the conversation may have gone 'of course Annabel can stay as long as she needs, I wouldn't see her stuck. But as much as I love her, if it's going to be open ended, we need to put some boundaries in place. I need the time to unwind and if it's constant noise and chatter, it'll lead to rows. Best we agree on something beforehand'.

Bear in mind you may have a different threshold of what constitutes noise and chatter to them. I'm introverted but my dad is X10. He has to retire during short visits even. I feel they've gone about this in a harsh way but their side of the story may be that it is trying to keep things cordial without really trying a compromise.

I went back home for one year after uni before permanently moving in with DH and DB boomeranged in and out a few times. The reality was that we had active social lives so weren't in more evenings than we were out getting on with being in our 20s, so the nights that we overlapped with being in and DM being in were nice, and we weren't constantly under each other's feet.

A ban on using the lounge in the evening every night is an unpleasant way to treat an adult child, especially if it only leaves them with a very small bedroom.

Parenting an adult child is much more about friendship than anything else. If you have a relationship of comfortable friendship, the rest of the mutual support will naturally follow. If you infantilise your adult children or alienate them, it will damage the rest of the relationship as it leaves no common ground to rebuild from, and the adult children will learn to crack on with life their own way.

Maybe go pick on someone else to feel better about yourself.

@BlackCatsForever she says she likes to chat to them, and again, has avoided saying what she does at the weekends.

I expect it's a case of her wanting her parent to entertain her when she's not out with friends and disturbing their peace.

I pay £400 a month to go to work all day and sit in a tiny bedroom until bedtime.

You’re only 25. I think this is shocking. I don’t know a single set of parents who would treat their child like this.

I’m really sorry, OP. You’ll get a few Mumsnetters saying this is reasonable and understandable, it’s really not. It’s shit and it’s weird.

Get a house share and get out ASAP. Unfortunately, your relationship will be irreparably damaged by this I suspect.

If she was allowed to sit with them she wouldn’t have posted - the whole point of her post is that she’s not allowed to do this!

Why are you comparing your situation to hers when they’re clearly not the same?