Neighbours Autistic daughter

Of course you can, PM OP and ask OP for the address. You can move them in tomorrow. It's you who lacks empathy, OP doesn't deserve this.

@BettyBardMacDonald

I would have more sympathy if the OP had gone about it in a different way. She clearly lacks empathy.

@Sweetteaplease

I wish I could, then at least she won't be judged by people who clearly know nothing about Autism.

You don't care that the OP, an innocent bystander, has lost the quiet enjoyment of her home.

Ok then.

Don't be ridiculous. You obviously have no idea what it's like to live like this, it can and has driven people to suicide. Obviously we all feel for the mother, but she needs support OPs sanity shouldn't be collateral damage. You should feel ashamed of yourself. In fact as you feel so strongly why don't you invite them to come and live next to you.

@BettyBardMacDonald

I genuinely don't care. I guess I'm just like the OP.

Our family is in your neighbour’s situation. We are in a semi-detached house we own. The neighbours are still affected and have banged on the wall on occasion. I understand it must be annoying for them, but not sure what the solution is apart from shipping off our child which isn’t going to happen, or moving into a remote detached place, which isn’t practical or affordable.

Then what is your suggestion so that OP and others in similar situations can lead their lives in peace??

This is uncalled for.

I agree.

OP has every right to look after her own health and appears to have tolerated intrusive noise for years.

Hopefully the escalation will lead to a remedy or more help for the mother and autistic teenager, or more suitable housing for either party.

It’s ridiculous that the OP simply has to put up and shut up about this.

So you know she is having a hard time with her child, and you proceed to make matters worse by putting in a formal complaint?

Also, you hope that they get kicked out? Are you delusional? How about you move out, and find a place with no noise - good luck as all you can afford is HA.

People like you make me sick. You just really don't understand and you never will. Get yourself some noise cancelling headphones, and mind your own business.

As the mum of an autistic child maybe you could ask if there’s any way you can help? Have you got to know each other in the 12 years you’ve lived there? Sometimes a change of face is all that is needed to calm a situation. it will be a million times worse for the mum and I hope she has some support around her. I’ve found loop earplugs really help me when there’s lots of noise from my children so maybe you could try those or play music or the radio so the noise isn’t as obvious?
thankfully I’m very fortunate that I live in a detached house and all of my neighbours are absolutely wonderful and caring, they have all got to know my child/children very well and always come and help when they’ve seen I’m struggling on my own. Just knowing I have their support when I need it really helps me to feel I’m able to cope better in crisis situations.

A lot of people on here clearly haven't lived with noisy neighbours it's absolute hell and turns even the calmest most rational people . It would make more sense for the neighbours to be moved somewhere suitable because the exact same issue will repeat itself with whoever moves in next but unfortunately the reality is you will be moved and the new people will also make the same complaints and the cycle will continue

There can be many issues with moving the other family.

Changes to routines and schedules leading to more meltdowns and dysregulation, possible implications that invalidate other legally in place supports for the child like EHCPs and placements at schools or availability of alternative provision, a lack of support from community health services and this is just to name a few off the top of my head.

I think mediation would be good to establish this other family's needs as they may agree they need alternative housing but they also might disagree which would be completely valid, as there won't suddenly be a ground floor or detached or soundproof property available just because.

Okay, I've been trying to resist getting on my soapbox here, but I cannot resist any more.

This thread is honestly a gift, if you have a black sense of humour. So far, we've had MNers tout compulsory institutionalisation of disabled children, and now we have the issue that an NHS campaign called STOMP was launched to solve.

What is STOMP? So glad you asked! It stands for Stopping The Over Medication of People with a learning disability, autism or both, because [p]eople with a learning disability are thought to be 16 times more likely and autistic people 7 times more likely to be prescribed an antipsychotic than the general population. It is this disparity that led to the creation of STOMP and STAMP as an NHS Long Term Plan commitment.

Long-term use of diazepam is linked with cognitive impairment and memory loss, and medication-induced cognitive decline is in general a very, very real issue in today's population of adults with learning disabilities, because of irresponsible prescribing in previous decades.

FGS it’s not the OP’s fault the child is causing disturbance regardless of the cause. She shouldn’t have to put up with this level of noise. The poor mother will be demented, stressed and anxious too, having to listen to it and worry about fielding complaints.

The OP may not want mediation as it clearly won’t resolve the racket - it’s not deliberate, malicious or controllable. However, if she and the mother can use it ad a stepping stone to push the council into re-housing the family surely that will help? No point moving OP - any new tenant will face same issue.

I know this love, and was a keyworker during covid myself.

A care worker would also organise a mutual exchange. As this is also OPs only option if she wants her situation to change.

As I am providing the advice the OP actually asked for, rather than offering wishful thinking opinions based on fantasy of how things 'should' be.

Clarifying the ‘best interests’ doping argument - you’ve got to act in a person’s best interests, but the law also says those interests don’t outweigh other people’s.

If someone is a threat, or a potential danger, to others, it’s more than fine to protect other people.

I might suggest OP has some sympathy for this view.

It's taking a toll on YOUR mental health... FFS this poor woman and child are out walking at midnight. Have some compassion. Perhaps ask if there is anything you can do to help.

This could be me and my autistic daughter in 10 years.

As a social housing tenant who has lived in the same flat since 1994 i have seen what you are talking about

I was that mother when my severely autistic non verbal child lived with me. I was suicidal. He didn't sleep and screamed and charged around the house all night. The neighbour banged on the wall and shouted at him to shut up. As if he would.

I have some sympathy OP but believe me if I could have swapped places with you in a second I would have. People who don't have a severely autistic child can't begin to imagine the utter hell of a life it is and having neighbours shouting and banging on the wall is the very least of our concerns.

I have an autistic son who has profound learning disabilities. He is non speaking, but vocalises very loudly for lengths of time. My other son is also autistic and has the most dreadful meltdowns.
The noise drives me up the wall, and so I do sympathise.
However, I don't think you are going to get the outcome you want here. I'm in social housing, and it's unlikely you'll get rehomed based off of one complaint. Your neighbour will not be evicted either as her child is disabled, and the noise cannot be helped. There isn't anything more she can do.

If your area is like mine, the best you can hope for is to be approved to go back on to the housing register to bid for other properties. The same goes for your neighbour. However, providing your neighbour and her daughter are in a 2 bed flat, they'll be considered to be adequately housed, as will you. So you will both be low priority and could be waiting years. Especially given that you live in London.

Mediation is there so you can find a mutually agreeable solution. It may be that your neighbour can have an OT assessment done. But this probably wouldn't benefit you as it's done to establish whether the property is suitable and safe for her child, not for the comfort of the neighbours.

There may be charities which would help fund sound proofing.

Does your neighbour actually want to move?

Unfortunately though, I don't know what the solution here is. It isn't fair on anyone. I dont think you should have to put up with this noise, and it's unfair that you might have to move, but these are currently your only options.

Please try and refrain from shouting at them and banging on the wall/ceiling. You may well exacerbate the situation, and your neighbour could use these examples in a complaint against you.

I can assure you that diazepam doesn't give a toss why you're taking it, it is still addictive irrespective of the reason.

Ok then so what if the neighbour was a poorly paid care home worker who was caring for your granny in a care home and made a mistake while tired. The profession is neither here nor there. Many people do important jobs with loads of responsibility while living in social housing. They were called key workers during Covid remember? They were eveyones fucking Daddy then wernt they. And the residulisation and welfarization of social housing which is what its actually called when SH is only reserved for the most desperate is what has lead us to where we are today.

Diazepam isn’t addictive if you take it for meltdowns.

Can’t think teenagers would get it though.