Neighbours Autistic daughter

In an ideal world yes but when people live in social housing ,and I am one of them it's rarely ideal.

This. This thread clearly wants people to put up or shut up.

Those are vastly different scenarios, and you know it.

It's not like the neighbour is choosing to have her daughter have meltdowns and disrupt the people around them. The daughter isn't even choosing to have the meltdowns herself.

It's not the neighbour choosing to have loud parties or violent rows. Those things can be controlled and are choices. Having a disabled child is not.

There isn't an easy solution to this. If the mother could get her daughter to simply stop having the meltdowns-do you not think she would do it? If this is the housing that has been deemed suitable and provided to her-there's little else she can do.

It's one of those situations where there isn't a wrong or unreasonable person. It's just shit all around for everyone involved. OP isn't wrong to be feeling as she is about this-but the neighbour also isn't wrong. It's not being done deliberately.

You sound ridiculous

A my child can't ,thelp screaming loudly and frequently ,it's part of his disabilities, I'm sure it annoys my neighbours and it sure as hell annoys me however he will stay with me as long as I can meet his needs
Lots of things are annoying in society it annoys me when my neighbours argue loudly and drunkenly outside my door
Should we be sending them away?

Where are these magical places you speak of?
Yes residential school, s exist however they cost ££££££,s and nobody will take a disabled child off a parent if that's not in the best interests of the child.

Honestly, this is such a tricky one.

It sounds like the mother is doing everything that she can to calm her daughter down and minimise the disruption.

At the same time, it's understandably disruptive to you and not an easy situation to live with, either. I don't think it's fair that people are coming on here and totally ignoring that part, too with things like, "What about the mother?"

Because whilst that is valid and she's absolutely going through it and it sounds like she's doing her absolute best-that doesn't negate the disruption and stress being put on those around them, either.

We can acknowledge that this is a tough situation for all involved-especially the daughter and the mother-but also the surrounding people, too and that doesn't have to take away from acknowledging how tough the mother has it.

I'm not sure what the answer is, OP. If you haven't already, look into some good earplugs and/or noise cancelling headphones. Are the flats carpeted/have rugs that may buffer any stomping etc?

Try and look into ways that you can buffer the noise from your end-white noise machines, etc.

Other than that, is there a way you can look to move? I know it seems extreme but it may be your only option as it really isn't fair or legal to expect your neighbour's to move. It's possible that being housed in a flat is not truly suitable accommodation for your neighbour-but if that's what they've been provided with-that's what they have to work with.

As frustrating as this is for you (understandably so) try and approach it with empathy.

Sadly I'm.not as the parentc of a severely autistic teenager I know that it's incredibly hard to get a residential place even if it',s what everybody agrees with
You are clearly have no clue .

Honestly that's pretty vile of you. I am actually disgusted with this comment.

I can see both sides. I understand your struggle, OP, but I also sympathise with the mother - walking the streets at midnight to try and calm her daughter suggests her life is a living hell. And now she has a complaint against her.

OP, do you know what medical support the daughter is receiving to try and ease these tantrums? If these meltdowns are uncontrollable, this might be the only solution. To help you, the mother and, most importantly, this child.

Is the young girls father on the scene at all @Ashellwithin

Completely different situations.

You can not compare someone having regular loud parties and someone being in severe mental distress due to their disability.

Yes she has a right to live in peace but how she goes about that matters and going about living in peace by making the life of a disabled and very distressed teenager and a family (who are likely really struggling and experiencing things out of their control far worse then what she is experiencing) more stressful and worse isn't it.

The reason for the noise is not irrelevant when considering the appropriate and moral way to handle the situation.

I literally have experience of living and being woken on a regular basis by someone in severe mental distress and I would never in a million years shout at them or complain about them.

I am not talking about the OP here, as I do have sympathy for her, although I don't know what she thought shouting at somebody having a meltdown would achieve, as it is likely to make things worse.
But some of the ableism on this thread is appalling!

Then she needs to take responsibility for her own life and her own emotional regulation. She could buy noise cancelling headphones and try that

Would you say that if the neighbours were having loud parties or violent rows? I hope not. The reason for the noise is irrelevant. The OP has a right to live in peace.

Very ignorant comment.

It's not that she could help it for several years and now is deciding she can't help it when really she could just stop doing it. It's clearly tied to her development. So she was having meltdowns as a young child and then things settled and she was more regulated and now she has hormones and typical struggles of a teenager which is overwhelming and impacting her mental health and causing more meltdowns again.

Then she needs to take responsibility for her own life and her own emotional regulation. She could buy noise cancelling headphones and try that. If she can't deal with the situation anymore then she could move house, I don't believe that for 12 years it would have been impossible for her to work out how to move house because shes not happy with her living situation.. It's not ok to be shouting at someone having an autistic meltdown because most importantly it will make things worse and it isn't ok to be trying to get a disabled and very distressed teenager evicted. I have sympathy for how she is feeling but really she needs to take responsibility for her own situation instead of causing more harm and suffering to a family clearly already having what is definitely a far worse time then her having to put up with the sound of someone elses meltdown through a wall.

we all have a right to quiet enjoyment of our homes, even the child free.

The HA won't necessarily need to do it as it may be covered by a DFG, but a full assessment would need to be carried out first.

OP for what it's worth, my sympathies are entirely with you. No one should have to suffer noise pollution in their own home. For those saying the girl can't help it - she clearly could for several years. And what are the limits? What do we put up with if a neighbour has issues? We all have a right to privacy and safety, not to be on edge all the time waiting for the next onslaught.

I really think all you should be doing is trying to manage your own emotional regulation instead of trying to influence theirs. Get some noise cancelling head phones for when it happens.

@Universalsnail , OP has been trying to cope with this and manage her own response for 12 years. But she can no longer do so because of the damage it has done to her her mental health.

This is not an instant unreasonable response. She has tried to be reasonable for 12 years. She just can't do it any more.

So... Lock up.🤔

This is very unlikely to be in the child's best interest.
Most institutional places are horrendous places for autistic people.

Is this a wind up post? What's with the emoji after saying mum is always busy? I'm sure she is very busy with a disabled daughter. What are you hoping to achieve by complaining? I'm sure her mum doesn't want to see her daughter in distress or have to go out in the middle of the night to try and calm her. I'm sure she would rather not have professionals coming to the home. I'm sure she would like a peaceful life too. I very much doubt there is anything else she can do. Her dealing with these complaints and you shouting at them to be quiet is only going to add more stress and that it going to make meltdowns worse, therefore, much more noise for everyone to deal with.

Where did I say lock up? I said move to
a more appropriate setting such as a residential home.