Neighbours Autistic daughter

It's absolutely insane that people say OP should have empathy for the mum and so needs to just accept it or move. There is no way anyone would be ok living next door to this situation year after year, and if you think you could, you are lucky to never have dealt with noisy neighbours, it becomes so stressful that the one place you should be able to enjoy, your home, becomes unbearable. The mums life soubds like hell, which we wouldn't wish on anyone, but have empathy for OP who has done nothing. And be honest, you wouldn't want to live there either.

Wow, are you our neighbour ?😅 I have an autistic son 14 y old who has horrible meltdowns. Sometimes we have to take him in to psychiatric emergency ward. He has calmed down a bit the last year but screaming still happens regularly. Been around to talk to all neighbours obviously. Give tranquiliser in the evening (child psychiatrist prescription) and we TRY to keep him calm but Sometimes he goes bonkers and there is nothing we can do but closing all windows and try to calm him down.
Luckily we own our apartment so can't get evicted and it's never night time but I do feel for the neighbours below us (top floor) but there is nothing more we can do. But if someone screamed to be quiet that would stress me out even more as I'm already doing everything I can to keep him calm...
I do understand your frustration but have some empathy for the mother and the child. I have had dark moments when I just thought we should end our lives because it's been hell for him and me. You have to live it to believe it, it's really really tough.

Wrong thread

This has been going on for 12 years. It’s not as if it’s been the last few days. OP has reached the end of her tether with it which is her right. She doesn’t have to suck this up and might not be able to. She has her own child to consider as well. Plus possibly other caring responsibilities, work, study etc. The whole block of flats cannot revolve around the neighbours child, life simply doesn’t work like that.

Clearly you don't understand asd especially in girls.
The onset of puberty especially in girls with asd causes extreme emotional disregulation resulting in multiple meltdowns often revolving around their cycle which as with all pubescent girls is in itself irregular add to that the massive changes that puberty brings to girls who can't handle changes (due to asd) and you have a perfect storm which creates the nightmare that this poor girl and her mum are enduring, so no she can't just control it nor as you implied is she doing it on purpose

Your theory is good, but in practice it won't make sense for a proportion of people with disabilities. Let me break down what you've said:
"others"
"people"
"noise"
"respect"
"reasonable"
Find one single word that conveys all the concepts on this list. Because I've worked with people who understood the meaning of maybe 2 or 3 words or pictures. They had no idea that they were a person or that others were people. While they might recoil at loud sounds themselves, they don't necessarily get that they make the sound or how they make the sound. You are assuming control which often does not exist. Group homes etc may not be available, or may be distressing for the individual. In theory a different kind of house might be the answer, but in practice I doubt whether "making too much noise" is going to give and fund a "more suitable home" when people with physical disabilities are often put in homes where they can barely safely access toilets or showers. The reality is unless the families happen to be able to afford a detached home in the countryside themselves, there will be no money to make it happen.

Like this has seriously wound me up considering I have an autistic child that has meltdowns, runs round the garden stimming, making noises ect and I cant fathom how the op can say the things she's said, I'm so lucky my neighbours know my child's diagnosis and are understanding and keep their opinions to theirselves and aren't busy bodies.

Seriously though op @Ashellwithin what would you do if it was a child that just screamed and shouted and argued, would that be any different? It was certainly different when it was your son, seemed almost like you thought it was acceptable, like a tantrum was equivalent to a meltdown (which its not by the way) but you were very lucky nobody complained. It comes across you have a problem with the child and I don't think its the noise I think it's the fact she's disabled and you have no understanding around autism so to you the behaviour I'd annoying, I think you need to do some research and get a better understanding, you'd hate it if I was your neighbour because I'd soon be telling you about yourself if you complained about my child's meltdowns/stimmimg

She can just up and go though that's the point, if she wants to move then she can pick up the expense and move, theres no soical housing seems like her only option would be to private rent considering she has ZERO compassion, understanding, common decency...like I could go on but it would take all night. Seems like she just wants a move and will do/say what's needed to get that move, even if that means putting a disabled child at risk of eviction.

Whilst this is true, and I appreciate typing move house is a lot easier then just doing it alot of the time, that doesn't change that the OP working out how to change her situation and move house is really the only thing she can do in this situation. She has also said that it's being going on on and off for 12 years, so really thats quite a lot of time to consider how you may possibly move house if the situation gets worse or doesn't change and you don't want to deal with it anymore.

My comment was about the physical safety and physical risk to neighbours presented in these two situations, teenager having a meltdown in her home and mentally ill man harassing neighbours. The safety of people in a coffee shop and a nine year old have absolutely nothing to do with this situation. You are just making some loose point about autistic people being a risk to others.

The ableism in this thread is terrible.

It is difficult as OP is open to moving house, but as she is in council property - she can't just up and go.
As horrid as it is complaining about the symptoms of some one's disability is, it could be the only way OP can be taken seriously and be offered somewhere else to live.

@Universalsnail You were the one who brought up physical safety not me. Where did i say children with autism shouldnt be allowed in a coffee shop You brought up physical safety and its not great for peoples physical safety for things to be thrown around a coffee shop

This is a thread about a child having meltdowns in her home not a thread about a father allowing his child to pick up water in a coffee shop though. I'm not sure what your point is here, that autistic children shouldn't be allowed in your local coffee shop? Whatever it is it doesn't really relate to this thread.

Sure. But that does not change the fact we are talking about a disabled distressed child. If you are living in a situation where for years and years you are exhausted by a listening to a disabled child then you can ultimately take responsibility for your own living circumstances and move house. That is the morally better thing to do instead of shouting at a child in distress and then making the child's situation even more difficult by complaining about them and possibly causing them to be evicted.

Im not allowed to mention this on here but locally there is a father with a young daughter of about nine who has autism who goes to the same coffee shop i sometimes go to There have been a couple of incidents but one was where she picked up a bucket of water that was tucked in the corner that was used to mop the floor and threw it over a table. I posted it on another thread and someone did point out it was a serious accident waiting to happen and what if its a pot of hot tea next time

It’s extremely exhausting for others to listen to.
Empathy wears thin after months and years of having to listen to excessive noise and screaming, whatever the cause.

But this child isn't harassing or intimidating a neighbour.

She's the victim of distress and dysregulation herself.

Nobody has the right to harass any one but there's also a significant power imbalance difference between a man and his neighbour and a child and her neighbour.

No mother of an autistic child wants their child to be seen as a nuisance or menace or disturbance to their neighbours, and lord knows we can't just summon appropriate housing out or our hats. Hidden illnesses are forgotten about in council house banding.

I do have sympathy for the OP. I am a noise sensitive autistic adult and my child is very noisy autistic child. Nobody suffers more than I do in this house. I do hope she's able to be moved home for her sake but someone else will move in and it will be the same no matter where this family are and the council will just see it as trading one problem for the next, so for now the OP can and should take additional measures for her sanity like others have suggested and invest in noise blockers or noise breakers like white noise machines and ear plugs, because even though it would be absolutely swell if the council could find a suitable accommodation for all, we know that is not going to happen.

So you had a son that was by the sounds of it just as disruptive, due to tantrums but that was okay when that was happening and nobody complained so that's all good...yet a child that can't control the noises, meltdowns ect she has and you think it's unfair you should hear it and they should be evicted!! How do you think the neighbours felt listening to your son go on like a 2 year old, but by the sounds of it they had more decency, compassion and understanding than you!!!

You're not going to get moved end of so I'd get that out your head, there's not enough social housing, waiting lists are rediclious, 500 plus people bidding on 1 house...there was a family I knew with numerous anti social behaviour complaints against them yet still werent evicted, they moved eventually to an estate they all came from.

You do realise of the complaints carry on and the council end up evicting the family they won't rehouse them as they would be classed as they made theirselves intentionally homeless so this mother and child could end up on the street (or atleast my council these are the rules which is why above family moves eventually before they were evicted) I hope you'd sleep well knowing you put a mother and daughter on the street....absolutely rediclious you want to move you pick up the expenses and move, as I said previously I'm not surprised the mothers avoiding mediation with someone as vile as you

Lots of comments here about the poor struggling mother which is true but also there is an extremely distressed, disabled and traumatised child here in the middle of this and I think people need to remember that.

Annoying someone with a loud autistic meltdown is just not the same as a mentally ill man actively harassing a neighbour in terms of the neighbours physical safety. Its just absolutely not the same situation at all. You keep making some massive false equivilances because you have a serious lack of compassion for a disabled, very distressed, and from what the OP says above about abusive absent father, traumatised child.

You can not compare someone having regular loud parties and someone being in severe mental distress due to their disability

Yes I can. The effect on the victim is the same. You might as well say that's its OK for a man to harass and intimidate his neighbour if he's mentally ill and can't help it. It'd be on the neighbour to 'regulate their emotions' in your book.

At least if it's social housing, you stand a fighting chance at being moved.

Noise pollution is horrendous.

Imagine of you were an owner occupier- you wouldn't be able to sell, there was another case like this on here, and the person was between a rock and a hard place, unable to sell up because of the disturbed adult daughter whose wealthy father had bought her a flat.

Her post was taken down as well, despite her very valid concerns regarding the lifestyle choices of the upstairs neighbour.

Actually you are not 'entitled' to complete peace and silence - some noise - babies crying/ families arguing/ some music - is just part of living in dense accommodation in a city.

And when you say you don't care about the mum you sound just horrible. Maybe you could ahve stepped in years ago as a friendly neighbour and helped the mum push the council for more appropriate accommodation? Got a local MP involved /local newspaper - highlighted how diffeicult it is for her

wandering the streets? I mean it's desperate stuff and clearly they aren't coping in that home. But you are treating it like she is an adversary not someone you could actually work 'with' to resolve things.

It is not all about social housing. People in privately owned terraces suffer even worse than noise in flats

there are some vile comments on here

the whole tone of the Op is horrible. complaining as a first reaction to your sturggling neighbour with a young severely autistic/ disabled child? Seeing her wandering the streets and complaining rather than knocking on the door and inviting her for a cup of tea and a chat? jesus christ.