Neighbours Autistic daughter

I concur

At least the fact that both of you are HA tenants means there is a chance of one of you being moved on and the problem being dealt with. If you were in the private sector, renting or owning (with a mortgage) there would be zero chance of any help at all.

As others have said, see your GP as your mental health is being impacted. The fact that your neighbours are also having problems, doesn't mean you are not entitled to sympathy. Decent headphones and earplugs will help until you are able to move, or the neighbours move.

They won't make the neighbour leave as the noise is due to the child's disability. They're not being a noise nuisance on purpose.

The best you can hope for is a move yourself.

Or, you could offer to go round and deal with it yourself. It might make you realise that it is not as easy or as controllable as you think.

My autistic child gets these meltdowns and it's awful, especially when you're conscious that the neighbours can hear it.

It's extremely stressful for the child and the parent. We have learnt over the years how to make our child calm down quicker so we've gone from 3 hours of continuous screaming to around 1-1.5 hours of it.

We've learnt not to touch our child, talk to them or look at them when they're disregulated otherwise they'll scream louder and for longer. However, they always need me to be present so if I leave, they scream.louder and for longer.

We just have to wait it out until they've calmed down.

What happens is, their eyes go almost black and they look totally zoned out and it's impossible to get through to them. It's like they are looking but not really seeing and they go into another world.

It's awful and we have very little control over it but always try to swerve a meltdown where possible as it's stressful and exhausting for all involved, including the neighbours.

We do but them wine as an apology.

My thoughts are about how long can the mother cope with the daughter in an ordinary home situation. Walking around at midnight is not much of an answer. Relatives of ours looked after their daughter well until they got older and the daughter stronger. For the sake of the parents the daughter was taken to residential care.
I visited her and she seemed happier. Her behaviour improved. She was far more amenable and less frustrated.

The person / people who move in most likely will have similar issues though. The current set up doesn’t appear to be working for anyone: the OP, the mother or the daughter next door

Read about what it’s like to be an unpaid carer of someone with this sort of situation going on. Learn about her life with her daughter. Then reconsider your choices.

Floor noise insulation or ceiling, depends if neighbours are above or below you. It mitigates the noise a lot. If they're below add a thick rug to your floor. This is clearly a girl with MH issues so not much you can do, talk with the mother, be calm and polite about it, she too is suffering, more than you.

It's awful having a noisy neighbour OP, whatever the reason, so I do feel for you. I also feel for the poor mum who is obviously trying to do everything she can to reduce the impact on you, even if that's walking the streets at midnight.

We had similar, and ultimately we sold our house and moved, as others have said, sometimes you have to make things better for yourself. Is there anyone you can go stay with for a bit to give yourself a break, whilst you look at your options?

I'm going through something very similar except I'm the neighbour with the autistic child. My neighbour hasn't reported me to the council but they're up at my door on a regular basis and hammering on the ceiling. I tell him the same thing every time. I'm doing my best.

I can tell you that the mum will be living on tenterhooks and on edge 24-7 and is highly likely already doing everything she can and more.

All we can ever do is try our best to manage our DC's needs but we can't possibly pre empt every meltdown or stop every bang.

Short of restraining her daughter (which would be massively frowned upon unless done to prevent serious harm coming to herself or somebody else) what do you think / expect she can do about it?

It's a miserable life to be honest. Absolutely miserable.

You have my sympathy, as does my neighbour, this is one of those situations where nobody is technically 'in the wrong' and everybody is unhappy.

I can reccomend you buy some 'loop' ear plugs or a cheaper brand of the same design. They're a game changer in terms of blocking out noise.

There are ways of measuring noise and quite clear rules about what level of noise is acceptable at what time of day. I guess the first thing they would do is a survey of the noise in your flat at different times of day.

• If there survey showed that the noise was acceptable (within the legal limits, based on the noise laws) they would probably do nothing.
• If it isn't then, if yours is a council property, they would probably offer you a different property.
• If the neighbour is also in a council property, they might offer them a more suitable home for the noise (e.g. a detached house) if they had one.
• If the neighbour is not in a council property they would probably take it no further.

Assuming the neighbour is in council property, offering them different accommodation which could better suit their needs, based on disability is fine, good even. Making them move because of a disability, to a less suitable house, or one that would require challenging upheaval that would be detrimental to their daughter, is not legal. Making them move privately, due to disability is also not legal.

Maybe talking with the mum would help? You don’t need mediation to take a cake round and suggest you have a cup of tea together. She might be better suited to a house with a garden. Maybe her daughter would be calmer with a garden. Walking the streets at midnight can’t be something the mum does out of choice and it doesn’t sound very safe either. Maybe if you and mum worked together she and her dd might be moved to housing she’d find easier?

This.

The property the mum and her DD is in is not suitable for their needs if the DD's meltdowns etc are impacting on the neighbours.

People saying OP should move... whoever moves in next will have the same problem. They could be ND themselves and really struggle with the noise.

I've never heard of a council moving residents from a flat to a house because of their children's noise (disability-related).

Detached house with a big garden? A mansion would be nice too. People would soon start lining up for this.

I think you should take your judgemental self and move if you don't like it!!!! Trying to get a family with a disabled child moved because you don't like the noise, have you ever seen a child have a meltdown like actually witnessed it my sons autistic and when he has a meltdown he hits himself, scratches himself, can't regulate and that's the point here something is obviously wrong in that child's environment that's disregarded them and these meltdowns are their way of expressing this.

I'm so glad my neighbours actually have understanding around my son (who is 14) and his diagnoses and don't complain.

I'd say the mother was avoiding mediation with you, why would she want to sit down with some nosey, judgemental busy body who has ZERO compassion for their child or has even tried to understand their condition.

Autism is all to with brain functioning and affects everything from social skills to sometimes speech, and behavioural difficulties. There's literally NOTHING the mother can do about the noise other than what she's probably already doing!!

No one can really answer your question as we don't know the area that you live in. If you live in an area with plenty of council housing then they will probably try and move them to a ground floor flat or small house. If you live in London or somewhere else with long council waiting lists then the best they will offer you is that you can move into temporary accommodation which would be significantly worse. Where do you live?

It's awful for everyone. But the situation needs to be resolved. You should request a move.

We lived next door to a similar situation but with an adult. They also shouted extremely inappropriate things. One person in our house was very ill and sensitive to noise, the noise didn't bother me. We did move ourselves in the end, not just for that reason, but it is peaceful where we are now in comparison, even though it's on a busy road and there's traffic all day long.

There are no winners in these situations.

Its super difficult isnt it. Autistic meltdowns are so difficult to navigate but you too are entitled to a peaceful home life. Yabu and I'm sure you empathise with a struggling mum trying to do her best

Raising this also might help her access desperately needed support as this will give her evidence of the type of support she needs at home so don't feel too bad

Disability doesn’t trump OP’s right to a life without unbearable noise. There isn’t a right or wrong side here it’s just that these living arrangements clearly aren’t working.

It is possible that, as much as the girl cant help it, this is an intolerable situation for her, her mother AND for OP. All of those things can be true at the same time. It does not mean it is ok for OP to have to be disrupted all the time. Hopefully it can bring some more help in for the family.

WOW !

You are actively trying to get them evicted

YOU MOVE !!!!

OP is entitled to a reasonable quality of life. It's not fair that she has to suffer this. I would ask to be moved if I were you.

Exactly.

If they could find the neighbour a detached house with a large garden it would really help, but I doubt they will do that.