Neighbours Autistic daughter

What’s your relationship like with the neighbour? I think I would try to sit down for a chat and say that I had noticed her daughter’s distress increasing again, that I could absolutely see she was doing all she could, the noise was affecting my mental health and i’m sure hers too (and the daughter) so could you work together to try and put pressure on the council to help, then lay out some ideas ie ask for better soundproofing in both flats, ask for one of you to be rehoused, ask for more respite for her daughter etc- if you can try and join forces you can then together make it more the council’s problem?

Would the noise be less apparent if they were in a ground floor flat? Could you swop?

Exactly, as yet no one has said the mum had it easy. It’s a difficult situation all round. But the neighbours child can’t be put ahead of everybody in the vicinity. Other people are allowed their own lives and challenges e.g. illness, caring responsibilities, shift work, bereavement, their own neurodiversities etc. Which don’t lend themselves well to endless noise from a neighbour

From my own experience, they will visit the flat and possible do a decibel test (useless!). They will check the mum has the correct flooring down, which is carpet and underlay. If she doesn't they'll make her put it down. This will probably make absolutely no difference to the noise you are having to put up with but the council will have been seen to do the 'right thing' and then they'll wash their hands of it.

I put up with extreme noise from the flat above for way longer than I should have and it actually makes you crazy. I think it's also extremely bad for your health to be subjected to that level of disturbance regularly over a long period of time.

My sincere advice would be to move somewhere else. There might be a slight chance the council would consider moving your neighbours but I think that's unlikely even if the mum was onboard.

Move! It isn't her fault

Good luck getting rehoused in London!

Never going to happen. All your doing is stressing the poor mother out even more!

Mediation is about trying to find a resolution, they won't want to move anyone, they will want some kind of agreement. The mediation is about what you both do not what they (the housing association) do.
But I can see this from both sides, as we have an autistic child (now adult) who had the most horrendous meltdowns, and we had a neighbour who was very similar (recently, when all children have grown up and left home), and the noise is very grating, but I felt the most sincere empathy for this neighbour and their DD, it really sounds so distressing to have those meltdowns and the parents don't know what to do.
We realised that we had outgrown the house, if we had children we would not have noticed the noise as much, so we sold and moved on, to somewhere more appropriate that suits us at our stage of life. It is worse here though for many other reasons, but that is another story for another day...!
I think in your position and if you don't have that option, you will have to just outline the issues for you and get some very good ear protection. If you are in social housing you might have a long wait to swap or be moved

Are you asking for soundproofing for both flats or to be rehoused or for them to be rehoused?

‘I suffer horribly from my autistic DC therefore you will suffer horribly too.’

OP, these posts are illuminating but not helpful.

It's really difficult for all involved but I think this would test even the most compassionate neighbours to the limit. The accommodation doesn't meet her needs and you shouldn't have to live with this level of noise, so I would continue to complain....

You can't do anything I'm afraid. I'm the hated neighbour in my case, if I could stop my child's meltdowns I would. I've asked for help for a decade, the house is destroyed and I've been injured. Their is very little help.
However, the other family should be housed in a house with a garden as that will help the daughter a bit. Mine calms down in a hammock or watching bugs.

There is zero chance that a detached house is going to be found for this family. There are hundreds and hundreds of parents living with severely disabled child in flats all over London.

I'm sure most of us would have compassion but ... we have to lead our lives too, and it's difficult to do with extra stress and disrupted sleep.

A detached house needs to be found for the family with the child with autism, clearly.

That mother's life must be a freaking nightmare. I wonder where the father is.

This is such a difficult situation for all involved. I have a 13 year old dd with ASD and I’m so relieved we live in the middle of nowhere with no neighbours, so I can focus on her without worrying about anyone else. When she is having a meltdown, despite our best efforts, sometimes there’s nothing we can do and her noise level is off the scale. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to live in a flat and have to think about the neighbours too.

In an ideal world, I hope they can be rehoused in a home that will be more suitable for this girls needs. I really do sympathise with both you and this family.

But this is about OP. I think everyone can sympathise with the mother’s situation but we can feel sympathy for more than one person at once.

My neighbour has an autistic non verbal
child who jumps on a trampoline for hours at a time, making a noise that after 30 mins gives me a headache. I’d never say a thing of course but anonymously here, it’s horrible

I think flats aren't built properly these days. They should have concrete floors

moving house will probably make the daughter worse of course.
My DD had awful meltdowns, especially as the hormones kicked in during puberty, but she did settle down after that and is much calmer now.
OP - I would be inclined to wait it out if you don't want to move.
By the way, it is horribly stressful for the parent, so please be nice.

OK I can now see you live in London. They are not going to re house you or your neighbours. There isn't enough housing. You can try and swap your property with someone else, now you have raised a complaint that might be very tricky to do as I think you need to declare any complaints. They may offer that you can move into temporary accommodation, which would be significantly worse and then you could bid on other properties which could take years.

Op they are walking the streets at ‘midnight’ for people like you!
I understand this is hard for you, imagine being the poor girl and her poor mum. This is me and our son. It’s absolutely heartbreaking and exhausting

Move the poor mother out to more suitable accommodation, ie, not a flat.
She is probably really anxious about upsetting the neighbours, hence the midnight walks.
I cannot imagine the stress she must be under.
Also poor op. Must be hell for her, it's nor her child why should she just put up and shut up!!!! She has a right to some peace as well

Sympathy all round.
First thing OP, take the mother some flowers and apologise for banging on the wall.
Second, get yourself noise cancelling headphones/ear plugs.
At the mediation meeting, find out if the mother and daughter want to move, they may actually want a house were the daughter will have less impact on the neighbours. Your 'complaint' might help them. If they don't that's fine though.
Third thing, get the council (I'm assuming you are both council tenants) to put as much soundproofing into the flats as possible. Even if mother/daughter want to move, it could take years so unless you move yourself, you'll have to manage living with the noise.
Fourth thing, a bit off the wall, but try hypnosis, it might help you ignore the noise.

As others have said speak to the council. Most likely the daughter is annoying and disturbing other neighbours if she is so loud

Ah OK it sounded like a pointless exercise because it is one.
What a waste of everyone's time.

It sounds like a crappy situation all round. I have a son with autism so I know how loud he can be at times I do my best to mitigate this but it is a constant job to try and keep a close eye on when he's starting to get overwhelmed and to try and calm him down.
I imagine if the mum is worried about the daughter being noisy and this causing problems that she is probably stressed which is inflaming the situation.

That's said I can also imagine how difficult it would be to listen to this all the time, if you can't relax at home where can you relax.

I hope it gets sorted somehow for you. I would say if you can maybe explain to the mum (outside mediation) that your issue isn't with her it's with the building not being soundproof / fit for purpose for either you or her daughter.

You might have more chance of getting her onside that way because if they won't re home either of you maybe they can take steps to put better soundproofing in If you're both complaining about the same issue.

My DD is autistic, she doesn't melt down and is very noise sensitive.

Our neighbour has some form of MH / additional needs and two developmentally delayed children and they all scream, shout and swearing at each other.

We wear noise cancelling headphones, they live in a council property and won't be moved as that is exactly who council properties are for. I have reported them but only because the screaming and shouting regularly verges into emotional neglect.

In your case after the mediation the council may recommend or find some noise reducing adjustments to try and reduce the noise but I don't think they'll move either of you, unless the upstairs flat is no longer physically safe for the daughter.

Your options are to put in for a house exchange, rent somewhere else privately or buy somewhere .

So what would you suggest?