Neighbours Autistic daughter

I can't see them being rehoused.

Ex-p is currently searching for a council property and when they asked for medical information of all occupants and he explained our son is a high needs autistic adhd very bouncy very loud child they did not care a jot. They didn't care that he still uses a push chair as a mobility and safeguarding aid so needs somewhere that has a lift or is downstairs, they didn't care that he's a vestibular stimmer and NEEDS movement to process his environment and keep him regulated which means he's basically a professional upstairs neighbour already, they didn't care that he's a verbal stimmer and also can not control the tone or pitch that words and sounds come out of his mouth or that his language isn't developed enough to have conversations about being considerate of others needs. They basically approved Ex-P for 1-2 bedroomed houses or flats. Round here all houses are 3 bedrooms and it automatically declines your bid if your profile isn't set up to need that many bedrooms, and all the bottom floor flats state for over 60s or those with mobility needs, and the problem is that my son is extremely mobile.

She and her daughter simply won't be any more entitled to adequate housing any more than any one else.

They won't put them I'm a bungalow as they have no physical disabilities and there is a wait list for specialist housing for the physically disabled who have more need for it. They won't put her in a house if like us there just aren't houses with the appropriate level of rooms, and if social services are involved this child might well have an EHCP which means they might need to stay within a certain distance of their educational provision to still be entitled to it so moving them will be significantly harder.

They also probably won't re house you as there's a housing crisis and you are adequately housed for your needs. They should take mental health seriously but sadly they don't. They will say your mental health is your responsibility.

Also one of the reasons im child free. Though ive noticed us with no kids are expected to put up and shut up

Maybe it would be best for this family (or families with similar challenges) to live rurally where there is more room to walk about, etc.

I think it may be you who is the ignoramus here 🙄

Flats in the UK are utter crap. Crap soundproofing. Sweat boxes And people having a go at the OP need to read up about housing association protocol and not be so bloody ignorant.

I agree with a PP, get a letter from the GP outlining how the noise affects you and keep on with the 'complaint' (in quotes as you've acknowledged the child nor the mother is at fault and neither can do much more to prevent the noise so it isn't really a complaint towards them as much as the situation).

It sounds like hell, those saying just put up with it don't be horrible are wild.

To reinforce what another poster said - good quality noise cancelling headphones really help, especially if you listen to something at the same time.

Can you do a council house swap?
Or noise cancelling headphones.
If you live in a built up area noise from other families/their pets is likely.
You'll have to weigh up the risk of moving into potentially another noisy flat or an area either way more antisocial issues.
Have you enquired about moving? I have no idea how this works, but I would get the ball rolling if the noise is unbearable.

I don't think you should be trying your best to force your neighbour out of their home. Sounds like they have enough to contend with.

I'm sure it is challenging and miserable. One of the reasons I chose to be childfree is because I'm not the sort of person who can handle a situation like that poor child's mother must.

But ... the OP deserves a peaceful and serene life, too. Guilting her serves no purpose.

Oh my god some of the comments on this thread!

The mum can be having a horrendous time dealing with her daughter’s meltdowns AND OP’s mental health can be suffering because of the noise. They are not mutually exclusive and both things can be true at the same time.

How does it make OP an ignoramus?? Also where on earth did OP say her life is perfect?? I’m afraid there’s a lot of people projecting on here tonight.

The problem with the OP moving is that the person who takes her flat then has to suffer.

It doesn't sound like there's much more the mum can do, so it seems like the best thing you can do is try and find a way to move. But you're not unreasonable for struggling with being impacted by this.

All the 'think of the poor mum' comments are disingenuous to me. The OP has tried to be understanding, and is still really struggling - yes, the mum probably has a very tough job, most likely tougher than the OP and I'm sure she would rather she wasn't coping with that situation.

But the OP is also being impacted, and has a right to live free from something that is impacting her mental health. There's a reason noise is used as a torture method.

Oh give over. Would you honestly be OK with anti-social noise, screaming, banging etc at all times and lasting for long periods for many years? It is not the OP's fault this child is autistic and yet she has suffered for years as a result. The mum and daughter should never have been housed in an upper floor flat.

Everybody has a right to peace. It's bullshit like yours that stops people getting help. Instead of pressure being put on the government, local authorities etc it is seen as ok to all but torture someone under the guise of inclusion.

Whilst I sympathise, what exactly do you think she can do? It’s not as if the mum enjoys the noise herself, is it?

My sister’s daughter is the same, and my sister has very little life because of it.

Please don’t make this mums life harder- ask to move yourself.

And you think a person should have to put up with this level of noise and disruption Every. Single. Day? Would you? That’s another level of entitlement to think someone should have to put up and shut up in this situation.

If this is a block of flats, do you know if any of the other tenants are affected just like you are? Maybe it is the way your flats are situated that affects you more.

TBH I have sympathy for both sides in this, and I don't know what the solution is. Sorry to be so unhelpful.

@Ashellwithin you do realise that your neighbour can make a counter complaint about your screaming at her disabled dd through the ceiling and wilfully exasperating her dds autistic meltdowns and in that case you could be the 1 who gets evicted

It’s very tough isn’t it?

The other risk is that the mother will end up relinquishing the daughter to social services, as there is nothing she can further do to reduce the noise and it seems she has tried everything.

I think you've been treated really badly on here, OP. Being a good neighbour involves taking into account the lives and needs of those living around you and it's absolutely not acceptable that you or anyone else should just be expected to live with the kind of noise that no one else would volunteer for. The child and her mother deserve better help and support but you deserve to live in conditions that don't jeopardise your mental health.

I don't think that this is the case though, that neighbours child should have any preferential treatment, but it is what it is, I mean what if there is nothing else to do? presumably the mother sounds like she is doing everything she can and is probably exhausted, but as a mother of a (now adult) who had these issues AND having more recently had a neighbour with the same issues, I am afraid I just feel 'such is life',

The council have the option to move them to an appropriate house. Not a flat. An older terraced type accommodation, where the walls are thicker maybe. Sad for the mum, but no-—one should have to put up with that level disruption on a daily basis. And if you move the next person will probably experience the same issues as you. The council need to act to help both of you, not one person at the expense of the other.

I agree and am sure the op is not unsympathetic but it must be awful.

The woman and her daughter will not be evicted, the housing association may find them more suitable accommodation.

I think it's appalling that properties are built with such thin walls, I would hate to hear neighbours through the walls and wouldn't like them hearing me. I have lived somewhere like that and it was dreadful.

It seems unfair that a 'mediation meeting' is required, I'd have thought the landlords could investigate this without saying anything about who had complained. What on earth can these two women say to each other at such a meeting/. I can imagine them both being in tears.

I do wish you all the best, op, and your neighbours.

Aren’t you lucky your life is so perfect
do you have kids?
of friends with kids
I hope one of them doesn’t have an autistic child and gets treated like this by ignoramuses like you .