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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's will

170 replies

Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 19:55

I am being totally eaten up with this and I finding it hard to let it go or move past it. My mum is on her own and leads an extremely frugal life. She is in her 90s. She had accumulated a huge amount of savings- somewhere between 250k and 300k. She also had a flat worth about 130k. Apart from 30k, she is leaving everything to my two children. My younger DD is likely to inherit about 250k which seems a huge amount of money for a young woman to inherit.
I am separated and not particularly well off. Some more of this money would mean a lot to me and would provide me with se purity as I come towards retirement (I'm in my 50s.)
I don't want this to define all our family relationships but I find it so unfair and so hurtful that I can't think of anything else.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Pammela2 · 12/08/2024 20:27

What do your kids say? Would they give you a bit of theirs or pay off a mortgage for you or something?

filka · 12/08/2024 20:26

Maybe this is connected to the "skip a generation" inheritance tax planning? If DM leaves to you, then you add your assets and leave to DCs, there is two lots of IHT. But if DM leaves directly to her DGCs then there is only one round of IHT.

Pammela2 · 12/08/2024 20:26

I would be miffed too. It does seem odd that the kids are still getting a different amount..

You should try to speak to her again. Your youngest receiving even 150k would be a huge amount. You could get 100k and your other daughter similar.

Does she give any reasons for this split?

BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 12/08/2024 20:25

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2024 20:20

Tbh I think £30k is a reasonable amount. It gives you £10k a year once retired and you won't have to help your children out at all. But if you need something now, would she help you out?

Op only going to live 3 years after retirement?

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:25

My older DD has already bought a house and is in a well paying professional career. My younger DD is at uni.

OP posts:
Cherandcheralike · 12/08/2024 20:24

I'd be more worried about your kids getting different amounts, what a way to cause a family rift!

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:24

I have tried but she gets very agitated around money. I think that's partially why she has so much in savings.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 12/08/2024 20:24

How old are your children? They don't sound as though they are minors and maybe your mother sees this as their way of beibg able to get on the property ladder.

Soonenough · 12/08/2024 20:22

Does she know your situation . Would it be possible to ask her to reconsider, citing your reasons ? And to say that inevitably your DCs will inherit it from you? Worth having a conversation at least.

MidnightPatrol · 12/08/2024 20:22

Have you asked her why she has decided to do this?

Given the struggles of the younger generation around housing etc, it seems like quite a good idea to me - in terms of making an impact.

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:21

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2024 20:20

Tbh I think £30k is a reasonable amount. It gives you £10k a year once retired and you won't have to help your children out at all. But if you need something now, would she help you out?

How is 30k 10k a year? I'm hoping to live a bit longer than 3 years after retirement!

OP posts:
Dressinggowntime · 12/08/2024 20:21

Have you told her how you feel?

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:20

No siblings. I am an only child. My mother had outlived all her siblings.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/08/2024 20:20

Tbh I think £30k is a reasonable amount. It gives you £10k a year once retired and you won't have to help your children out at all. But if you need something now, would she help you out?

Viviennemary · 12/08/2024 20:19

Have you any siblings. I don't think it's wise to leave young people large sums of money.

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:18

I am an only child and getting 30k. My older DD has a house and is getting half the savings (120-150k) and my younger DD gets the flat and the other half of the savings.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/08/2024 20:17

Who is getting the £30k?

Original poster
Lemonmeringue76 · 12/08/2024 20:00

I think it would not be fair to say I struggle but I am not well off. I don't have the MN 200k salary; I don't have a partner. I have a reasonably good job but it's not mega bucks.

OP posts:
Aheadfullofwords · 12/08/2024 19:59

You might not like my reply, but I've always said, no-one is entitled to anyone else's money, property, personal items, after they pass.
It's not meant to be fair.
That said, I do understand you feeling hurt, and you are allowed to feel that emotion.

QueenOfTheNihilist · 12/08/2024 19:58

Do you know why she has left it to your Dds?

Does she know you struggle?