Mother's will

If either of my parents had money to leave, I would be delighted if they left it to my dds. I can’t imagine a world where I would resent them for this.

Disagree. We don’t have to live with unfair choices if the originator isn’t around to witness it. Just because she carved things up in a ridiculous manner the surviving family can hone it to their liking.

And this parent is not providing for her child. She’s skipping her; bypassing her in the generational hierarchy and isn’t communicating her reasons fairly. Transparently. She’s the child in this. And her Mum is missing her out. And that isn’t acceptable unless there are other factors that we don’t know about.

“There you go dear, I’ve left you a third each to allow the girls to enjoy some now when they need it most. You’ll be ok as you’ve got your pension and your unencumbered flat so 33% ought to suffice. Let me know if you disagree and we can talk.”

People make this so bloody hard and it’s really pointless.

If my uncle gave me his estate, and my brother nothing, I’d sort it fairly with my brother after uncle died.

I could not enjoy the spoils of an estate if my sibling/offspring were considerably less financially stable. I’d balance the books.

All assuming relations were reasonable between all parties prior.

Im talking about giving more away than keeping myself. The OP’s daughters ought to be suggesting this anyway, as the major beneficiaries. I hope they’re not day dreaming about a life of luxury before they’ve equalled things up with their one and only Mother.

I knew we’d get the inheritance extremists on this thread. Put yourself in her shoes - would you not be upset by such harsh financial moves? It’s a snub, and it’s badly managed. But thankfully it can be sorted, as I describe above.

OP - any thoughts?

@Lemonmeringue76 I totally understand your hurt. My friend's mum did a similar thing, leaving a massive % to a financially secure cousin, and the impact on my friend will be a difficult old age, maybe being forced out of her home town. She also wonders why the solicitor didn't query the Will, as it was such an unusual distribution of her Estate. She is incredibly hurt.

I do think your mum may be worried about your ex claiming money from you though. Maybe you could speak to her about this? Also any money to grandchildren should be divided equally to avoid family fallouts.

Yes it does

Here’s what I’d do.

let her wishes play out. But, before you all inherit, meet with your daughters and let them
know that you’re pretty hurt with the arrangement and that whilst you’re solvent, in no way are you comfortable.

The fairest solution, given that they know they are to inherit I presume, is to add the asset base up, and split it evenly between the three of you. It balances everything, irons out the unfairness and means you all get to benefit from the money now.

Anyone skipping generations and ignoring their mother financially whilst they take the lions share of an estate that you’re involved in, needs to consider their priorities.

Awaits the MN Will Police 👮‍♂️

What’s not to like?

I disagree, and the relationships here are completely different than between siblings. The OP seems to begrudge her own children their inheritance. My view is that if we have children we are here to provide for them, NOT the other way round! And usually this is what parents wish to do above all else anyway! The children will have their lives to live, homes to set up, kids to have and pay for etc etc, I think it would be completely unreasonable to expect them to share with old ma so she can go on 5* holidays. It would be different if the OP was struggling but it doesn't sound like she is.

My mum would have no idea about IHT planning! She is not financially very literate. I think it's something along the lines of them having more life to live and I've screwed up my life (bad marriage and solid but unremarkable career) so I can just live in a tiny flat and watch TV as she's done for 30 years since retiring.

If my uncle gave me his estate, and my brother nothing, I’d sort it fairly with my brother after uncle died.

I could not enjoy the spoils of an estate if my sibling/offspring were considerably less financially stable. I’d balance the books.

All assuming relations were reasonable between all parties prior.

Im talking about giving more away than keeping myself. The OP’s daughters ought to be suggesting this anyway, as the major beneficiaries. I hope they’re not day dreaming about a life of luxury before they’ve equalled things up with their one and only Mother.

I knew we’d get the inheritance extremists on this thread. Put yourself in her shoes - would you not be upset by such harsh financial moves? It’s a snub, and it’s badly managed. But thankfully it can be sorted, as I describe above.

OP - any thoughts?

Her choices were not unfair.
Obviously another 'i'm entitled to inheritance' person

I meant morally... I had a relative who had two children - one of whom was very comfortably off and the other who wasn't. He came to the conclusion that he should leave them equal amounts and his children could always do a deed of variation should they want things any differently. (Which they may well have done.). Actually OP, depending on how things pan out and your relationship with your kids (and if they understand that their DGM has brought her own issues into the situation), a deed of variation (essentially rewriting a will after death if the beneficiaries all agree).

Disagree. We don’t have to live with unfair choices if the originator isn’t around to witness it. Just because she carved things up in a ridiculous manner the surviving family can hone it to their liking.

Because it is not what the person wanted. Simple.
Just because someone is dead doesn't mean their wshes have to be trodden over

Sounds like maybe there's more to this than you're telling us OP. Have you and your DM had disagreements about your choice of partner in the past? Maybe she tried to tell you that you were wrong to get hooked up with your ex, but you went your own way, and she was proved right about him, so she feels that you chose to ignore her advice, and now you can pay for it, or something along those lines? Is there anything else you do that she doesn't approve of OP, do you gamble, or drink too much in her opinion, in which case she might feel that she doesn't want to give you her money just for you to gamble it away, or piss it up the wall?

In my opinion, if you've got a reasonable job, and can afford to keep a roof over your head through your own efforts, then she probably feels you don't need anything more. You do sound like you begrudge your children the money, and as long as you're not on the breadline, which it doesn't sound like you are, then I think you should be glad to grateful to get anything, no one should depend on an inheritance, but sadly it seems so many do these days.

But what the trio decide is fair between themselves doesn’t really matter posthumously. The then deceased got to decide what she wanted to do, but then the trio work out what is best for all, to prevent imbalanced benefit to the family unit.

Why is that unethical?