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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

307 replies

StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 18:55

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

OP posts:
Tartantotty · 12/08/2024 22:28

If you have an obvious physical injury it's natural for folk to show concern and ask. Try not to feel offended and stick to your story if it makes you feel better.

johann12 · 12/08/2024 22:24

I feel really moany now from what I've wrote on this thread. I do just get annoyed with people in general. I don't know what it is

PainintheProverbial · 12/08/2024 22:19

Op, are you always so precious? Frankly amazed you are being so very very unreasonable.

Ohdearyme72 · 12/08/2024 22:17

At least they ask and show an interest

DoIWantTo · 12/08/2024 22:13

Bandage more often than not = injury. People are compassionate and like to sympathise when they see someone injured. Really abnormal that you take objection to that.

S0livagant · 12/08/2024 22:12

I think it's good to show interest and care for each other.

S0livagant · 12/08/2024 22:11

StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 22:07

You'd like to be asked about an injury from every single customer service person you encounter eberytime you go out?

That seems incredibly needy?

Why would you need a complete stranger to ask you about an injury?

Show quote history

Not everyone would ask, but for absolutely everyone to ignore would be very odd. We all have needs. After dv requiring hospital treatment, it did help for it to be acknowledged and yes I did tell strangers if they asked.

DBSFstupid · 12/08/2024 22:08

StarDolphins · 12/08/2024 21:58

I’m a terrible person, I always ask if I see someone with a bandage on!

😂😂😂

Original poster
StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 22:07

S0livagant · 12/08/2024 22:03

I'd like to be asked. It would feel rude to me if what looked like an injury was completely ignored. So they couldn't please everyone either way.

Show quote history

You'd like to be asked about an injury from every single customer service person you encounter eberytime you go out?

That seems incredibly needy?

Why would you need a complete stranger to ask you about an injury?

OP posts:
DBSFstupid · 12/08/2024 22:04

PetrichorSoul · 12/08/2024 19:00

YABU.

A visible injury would prompt people to ask what happened. It’s natural curiosity rather than nosiness.

I’d ask you.

Me too.

How utterly, utterly ridiculous.
Suck it up sugar and be pleased that people actually seem to be interested/care.

Luio · 12/08/2024 22:04

It is polite to ask and show a bit of compassion so people do. It is not really nosy as no one is that interested unless you were bitten by a snake or something equally unusual.

S0livagant · 12/08/2024 22:03

StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 21:57

Just for clarification they are NOT my workmates.

I worded my title badly.

It would be normal for colleagues to ask, but I'm talking about strangers in shops and banks and post offices
In THEIR place of work, who I do NOT know know at all.

I meant they shouldn't ask people about their health as small talk whilst processing a card payment etc...with lots of other customers about to listen.

Edited

I'd like to be asked. It would feel rude to me if what looked like an injury was completely ignored. So they couldn't please everyone either way.

mellowfell · 12/08/2024 22:02

I would ask if I care about the person

Arrestedforit · 12/08/2024 22:01

When I was a teenager, working in a newsagents, I had orf and had to keep my hand bandaged . If you know you know.

Try explaining to people that you’d been bitten by a lamb and see what reaction you get😉

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/orf/

johann12 · 12/08/2024 22:01

@StarShineHello I hope it heals soon. I used Fucidin cream (prescription) on my impetigo and it works really fast

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/08/2024 22:00

I would ask one of my regulars if they had that, both in the pub and when I was in a supermarket. Its shows empathy and concern.

You are are feeling self conscious about it, so you are feeling a bit snippy about anyone drawing attention to it, but realistically they are think "Oh poor thing, hope it doesnt hurt too much". Just say "Was carving the meat for Sunday lunch and managed to carve myself up instead!" and laugh. They will cringe at the thought and wish you a speedy recovery, job done.

Bournetilly · 12/08/2024 21:59

It’s not rude to ask about a bandage. If they saw your eczema and asked ‘what’s that?’ I think that would be rude.

No reason to lie about the cause either, just say it’s an infection of your eczema. I can’t understand what is wrong with that.

StarDolphins · 12/08/2024 21:58

I’m a terrible person, I always ask if I see someone with a bandage on!

JudgeJ · 12/08/2024 21:58

PetrichorSoul · 12/08/2024 19:00

YABU.

A visible injury would prompt people to ask what happened. It’s natural curiosity rather than nosiness.

I’d ask you.

Next week it will be 'I have an injured hand, all bandaged up yet no-one has bothered to ask what's wrong or if I'm all right'!

Original poster
StarShineHello · 12/08/2024 21:57

Just for clarification they are NOT my workmates.

I worded my title badly.

It would be normal for colleagues to ask, but I'm talking about strangers in shops and banks and post offices
In THEIR place of work, who I do NOT know know at all.

I meant they shouldn't ask people about their health as small talk whilst processing a card payment etc...with lots of other customers about to listen.

OP posts:
Greyrockin · 12/08/2024 21:57

I’ve had weeping crusty eczema on my hands that also needed bandaging for work. When asked I said it was eczema. When I hurt my foot and was limping around the office and people asked what happened, I said I’d hurt my foot. What’s the problem? Colleagues asked because they noticed something was wrong and hoped I was okay. In fact I was told to wfh until my foot got better, so a win for me.

notacooldad · 12/08/2024 21:55

Bellsandthistle · Today 20:23
they’re not her workmates*
My mistake!

To be honest it still wouldn't bother me if strangers asked. However I acknowledge not everyone is comfortable with that.

I'd rather people ask what was wrong than jump to conclusions.
Last summer I had a black eye that was huge and so obvious. As the day went on I more or less forgot about it but I noticed that I got sympathetic looks and DH was getting evils. Dh is the most easy going person and has never raised his voice to me never mind his hand. People assumed he had done it by the looks they were giving us and the 'Are you ok love' comments I got.
If I said that I had walked into a door I would not have been believed but it was true. I grabbed a door handle and slipped at the same time. DH was 20 miles away at the time!

S0livagant · 12/08/2024 21:46

NotA6FigureSalary · 12/08/2024 21:21

Yes, is ok to ask discreetly if you think the person needs help.

That's different from a public "what did you do to your face/hand" etc in a banter sort of way.

Show quote history

Oh, there were plenty of people around, end of a lecture. Wasn't a problem as I could choose what to say. Though pretty obvious and easily guessable, two black eyes, stitched up cut to the head. I don't see a problem personally. I was also asked in a supermarket.

johann12 · 12/08/2024 21:35

I think as well I wouldn't ask about this incase it was a self harm injury

CountingMeIn · 12/08/2024 21:35

I saw a thing like that with a good friend. His hand had all swelled up. I didn't ask and was careful to make sure he didn't see me looking. But I was quite panic stricken and it still worries me.

I kind of wished that I could have asked just to have reassurance that he was okay, but I supected that he probably really wasn't, which was why I didn't ask.

I suppose that means that people probably assume with you that it is likely to be something fairly minor and with a 100% recovery rate and they just want to give you the chance to get it off your chest.